Behavioral Dressings (3)

[I still need to go to the tailor.]

After walking for a block, I change directions and head for the tailor's shop. My leg is still a little sore, so I open up the mid-healing potion and chug the contents of the bottle. It's bitter. My leg immediately starts to feel better even after I put weight on it.

I need to buy some clothes for Shinobu. I would hate for her to have to wear those rags every day.

"Hello again!" The shopkeeper greets me with a smile and a bow.

"Hey, I'm looking for some girl clothes."

"Ooh, are you looking for a present for your girlfriend?"

"Yup." I don't want to talk about my situation, so I agree with her to end the conversation.

"Well, you're in luck. We just got some new clothes in stock."

"Do you say that to everyone?" It feels like I'm talking to a used car salesman.

"No. A new merchant came to our town with some interesting wares."

"Okay, let's take a look." She brings me to the left wall and motions to the extravagant dresses on display.

"Those are nice, but I was thinking of something she could move around in."

"You're going to start a fight if you don't buy the right thing," she warns me.

"I'll deal with that; show me something a little lighter."

"It's your funeral." She makes her position very clear, but I just ignore it. I need to buy something that Shinobu can train in, so dresses are not an option. The shopkeeper guides me to a rack on the other side of the store that carries sportswear. I don't know what they're called in this world, but shorts and a loose shirt are great workout apparel.

"I'll take five of these and these." I pick out some clothes at random and hand them to the tailor. "I'll also need some underwear and socks."

She shakes her head and makes another plea for me to reconsider. I insist, and we meet again at the counter where she has arranged everything.

"We have a no return policy, so don't come crying to me when she yells at you."

"I'll keep that in mind." I've stopped paying any attention to the blathering of the tailor and just wait for her to tell me the price. I pay for the clothes and shove them into my magic bag. Before heading to the forest, I stop to grab some snacks for the night at a stall.

"What took you so long?" Inari questions me as soon as I return.

"Look, I was going as fast as I could, but everyone in the city felt like getting in my way for one reason or another."

"You should have thought about that before going so far out of your way to cause problems for them." Her words cut deep, and I drop my shoulders.

"I'm doing the best I can–"

"Well, it's not good enough. Eventually, you're going to have to let others in; the longer you put it off, the more it will come back to bite you."

"Nick!" Shinobu pokes her head out from the cave. She creates an avenue to escape Inari's onslaught upon my ego.

"Hey! I got you some new clothes." I wave my magic bag in the air. Shinobu runs up excitedly and grabs it out of my hand.

"Thank you so much!" Shinobu giddily takes the clothes downstairs to change. My heart fills as I see her happy expression. I watch her disappear into the cave and turn my head back to Inari.

"So, any other advice?"

"Fufufu, I'm surprised. You had an opportunity to end our conversation, and yet you come back for more."

"I've been upsetting Sakura lately, and I need to figure out why. I think you have the answers." My brow furrows as I explain my position to the leader of the fairies.

"Very well. I think you need to keep in mind that other people don't think like you. I don't know where you came from, but you have a completely different view of the world than anyone else. You want to believe that everyone is equal, but no one else sees the world that way; they just see a child disrespecting authority. You are only causing problems for those around you by acting this way."

[Dammit.]

"You live in a world of nobles who stand above others. They maintain the form of your society, and you are threatening that structure."

"What's so wrong about trying to show people a better way? What's so wrong about trying to help people?"

"How much do you plan to pile onto that little plate of yours? You can barely take care of some children, yet you want to reform your society? You're weak."

[God dammit.]

"The reality is that humans are so afraid of change that they will fight to the death to maintain the sad little boxes they live in. No matter how much they suffer while working at a job they hate, they will always prefer it over what is unknown."

"I need to fit in better. I need to change how people think from the inside." I lower my head as I rethink my position. Inari flies over and runs her small hands through my unkempt hair.

"That's fine. I just want you to survive. I know, more than most, how brutal you humans can be. I hope that you can change the logic of your species, but you need to get much, much stronger if you want to do that. Just remember; when you try to change the system from within, it is not you that will change the system; it is the system that will inevitably change you." I look up, and Inari gazes into my eyes. She smiles and flies back toward her village. "Don't lose that rebellious spirit; just keep in mind how it affects the people around you."

I watch her leave and allow her words to sink in. I do have modern sensibilities, and I don't have the resources to protect those that share them. If anyone is to survive in our society, then they have to conform. My stolid independence is a threat to that way of life.

[I need to keep my head down and try to fit in. I bet Sakura is getting upset because she sees me as a threat to that common sense. I can only imagine what she's going through as she watches me challenge that at every turn.]

I think back to all the times I've challenged authority and how jarring it was for those around me.

[I didn't think much of it at the time, but Jezabel pulled a sword on me when I called her out that one time. Things have worked out so far, but I can't expect others to keep letting my behavior slide.]

I trudge back down to the den with my shoulders slumped. Talking to Inari really drained me. I enter the basement, where Shinobu stands above a pile of clothes on the ground.

"Nick! I was just finishing up!" She's wearing a combination of two outfits that I bought for her. Her blue shorts and red top fit well with her long blond hair. I don't feel like talking, so I just lay down on my makeshift bed and throw a blanket over my head.

"Nick?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I hear the sound of her footsteps grow louder as she approaches me.

"I don't know what's bothering you, but I can listen." I pull back the blanket covering my head and see her smiling face looking down at me. I take a deep breath as I work up the courage to talk to her.

"I've been causing problems for the people around me. I just want to help others, but I end up making everything worse." Shinobu looks up and scratches her chin.

"Well, you helped me. I was trapped, and you showed me a way out."

"But you almost died earlier today."

"Maybe so; I was really scared when that monster walked into the basement. I was sure I was going to die." Her words dig deep into my heart. "But I didn't. I survived, and I'm in a better place now, and it's all thanks to you."

I feel a little better after she encourages me. The cracks I've dug into the structure around me can't be healed overnight. I'll need to work to rebuild the connections I've soiled, but Shinobu's words give me hope that things will get better. For now, I need to focus on making my plate bigger.

"Thanks, I'm glad you feel that way. I can't help but think that I made a mistake." Shinobu scoots closer to me.

"Even if I die here, it can't be worse than what I was going through in that town. You saved me, and I'll never forget that." I meet her smile with a quick grin. The words of this child do little to heal the wounds I've cut for myself. She runs back to her side of the room and jumps into her bed. I think about her words for a moment before rolling over in my bed.

[Challenging authorities in this world come with more risk than they did in mine. That being said, the reward increases as well. I should focus on building stronger bonds so that I can push back when it's really important.]

I begin planning my behavior from the ground up. I have decided not to be driven solely by the morality of my past. I will have to change to fit in with the people of this world. These thoughts fill my mind as I drift off to sleep.