Love

The sun is already setting as Ryousuke parts with us. We exchanged contact information and agreed on him updating us on Chiye's whereabouts. Airi and I are walking around in a park, processing the conversation with Ryousuke each on our own. 

Airi hasn't let go of my hand ever since she grabbed it at Happy Waffles and I didn't let go either. So we are silently walking between the colourful flowers and the blooming trees while holding each other's hands. It feels natural and gives a sense of comfort. The sky slowly changes its colour turning into dusk.

"What are you worrying about?" I break the silence and look at her. She briefly returns my gaze. "Chiye's future depends on my own understanding of true love. It is upsetting that this unjust situation of mine has dragged you both into it."

"There was never a moment where this is your fault. You don't have to be upset about it. That's just how it is. Though, I've always been your tool. So sooner or later, we might have crossed paths anyway." 

"Maybe or maybe not. I'm unsure what exactly I am not understanding about love. My obligation is just so vague." She grits her teeth and frowns.

I stop walking, let go of her hand and step in front of her. She looks at me surprised. I raise both of my hands and embrace her face within my palms. "Where is your enthusiasm from earlier in the day? Worrying and regretting won't help any of us. I believe that we will manage the tasks, get you back home and bring Chiye back. So let's focus on the tasks." I deeply look into her eyes and she starts smiling. I squish her cheeks a little bit and she starts laughing. Seeing her gloomy is really unfamiliar. No matter if it's Chiye or Airi. Seeing her smile or laugh just feels right.

"Indeed. Ninako and Kyouta will soon meet up, right?" She holds my wrists and her smile is bright and makes my heart flutter a little bit.

I squeeze her cheeks one more time and let go of her face. "I believe that they are talking right now." Airi grabs my hand as I turn around to continue walking besides her. 

We look at each other and she smiles at me timidly. Airi being so hesitant is unfamiliar too. She's rather straightforward, but for some reason she is more sheepish now. It's somewhat lovely.

I return her smile carefully and we begin walking again. 

The air is filled with different floral scents. 

"What do you want to do first after everything is over and you are back home?" It'd be interesting to hear her answer.

She ponders a little bit. "I genuinely don't know. I spent more time here than in the lunar kingdom. It feels like a vague memory of a life that is frankly too long into the past. Things must have changed too, so I'm not sure what is left of what I still remember and know." She speaks clearly and in a neutral tone. "I gave up returning home a long time ago, so the thought of it being so tangible, feels rather alien."

"I guess that makes sense."

"However, I'm most excited about seeing my parents again." Her voice sparks up with giddiness. 

"They must be eagerly expecting you too."

She smiles radiantly and nods. "They must be." Airi swings our hands energetically back and forth while also taking more high-spirited steps. I match my pace with her and let her swing our arms around.

Chiye's phone rings in her pocket and we both know that it must be Ninako.

Airi looks at me before picking up the phone and I can see a slightly nervous glimmer in her eyes. "Ninako, hi, yes, no I'm off of work now." She glances at me again. "I'm with Yuu right now." She listens attentively and nods. "Yes, alright, we will be on our way. Yes, see you in a bit." Airi puts the phone back into her pocket. "They finished talking and she wants us to come over to her?" She nods and leads the way. "Her voice didn't sound so good. She only said that she needs to talk with me right now. But she also assured me that it's fine for you to come along." 

Well sooner or later I would've known it anyways. Besides, Ninako is also my friend, but it is touching for her to open up in front of me in that aspect as well. 

I quickly take a glance at my phone. Kyouta hasn't contacted me yet. I expected him to call me as soon as they finished talking like Ninako just did with Chiye.

I'm not sure how to interpret the outcome yet, so it can either be devastating or beneficial. 

Regardless of the conclusion, I want to be their best friend. It hurts, but I can't put my own selfish goals above my friends, especially their future. There is no way for me to try and force them to be together, just because some red threads are connecting them. 

We arrive at Ninako's apartment, only a twenty minute walk from the park where we were just strolling in. 

The sun has set already, the sky has darkened and so is Ninako's expression as she opens up the door. Her complexion is pale and her eyes are puffy from crying. 

Airi hugs her immediately which causes Ninako to cry again.

We sit down around her small table and Airi has her arms around Ninako's shoulder to help her calm down. I get up to prepare some tea at the small kitchen counter. 

The sobbing from the other half of the room is saddening. I feel a little bit of guilt welling up inside me. An emotional confrontation is never really easy, especially if it's so sudden.

I put down the steamy teacups in front of us and Ninako has now regained some composure. Airi and I wait for her to speak first.

Ninako wraps her hands around the hot teacup. "I've talked with Kyouta." Her voice still trembles and she takes deep breath without looking up. "He told me that he loves me. For a long time already." 

Tears silently run down her face. She sobs.

"He said that even though it might be too late for it now, he still wanted me to know about his feelings after all. I don't understand it. It is too late now. I..I.." She starts sobbing more.

Airi pats her shoulders and carefully wipes away the tears.

"I don't understand why he has to say it now. He had all these years!" Her voice gets angrier. "All these years! And he never said anything, but now! Now is the right time to finally confess his feelings for me? I don't even know where to start." Her fingers wrap harder around the cup, slightly trembling out of frustration. She hasn't looked up yet, but her expression says it all.

It must be anger now more than sadness.

"Can you believe that? What did he expect? That I would simply break up with Ren and be together with him? Or just for me to feel bad? To pity him? It feels like a burden." Her inner frustration makes her voice even more enraged.

It is tough to listen to Ninako's thoughts on this, since I know Kyouta's perspective as well. 

"Honestly, I kind of had this impression since our high school years already, that he might have some feelings for me. But..at the same time I felt like it wasn't really love. We spent so much time together, wouldn't it be just.. natural to have this impression? It also was just too arrogant of me to assume this about him." She finally looks up, first at Airi and then at me. Her eyes are red and teary and she smiles bitterly. "There was this one time at high school, he wanted to dance with me after the sports festival. At that time it felt like pity. He just wanted to make me feel included without really considering the meaning behind it. I know it was just a childish rumour, but for me it was.. real. He said it so casually, as if his invitation was just a matter of principle. It made me angry and maybe I overreacted, but it was just so out of the blue. There were no romantic tensions between us prior to that, so it didn't feel right. And knowing our backstory it made even less sense to view it in a romantic way." She stops and looks down again.

"He insisted on being sincere the entire time. Then..he kissed me while we were still arguing about it." A single teardrop runs down her cheeks.

"I could've pushed him away, but I didn't. At that moment this was the only thing that somewhat felt right. However, it was all so confusing and overwhelming that I ran away at the end without hearing him out any further. In the end we never talked about it again. He didn't say or mention it anymore and I was waiting for him to at least say anything."

Her pale face regains some colour from her blushing cheeks, but it is probably also the fiery frustration besides the embarrassment of telling us about this incident. 

"Time went on, days, weeks, months. Nothing. I was confused on how to feel about it, what was I supposed to do? He acted like nothing happened, so I assumed that I was right and he just did that on a whim out of pity. And after I met Ren, he also didn't show any signs of objections."

Ninako looks up again and her expression is rather deplorable. Her initial anger must have dissolved now. 

"I don't even know what I wanted. Did I want him to object? Did I want him to..make an effort for me? Maybe? Or maybe not. Even now I'm unsure. It's all so complicated now. I really enjoy being with Ren, he makes me happy and feel safe. We had fought before, but we managed to properly talk about it and overcome the difficulties. Ren as my partner feels right. It is comfortable. It is a warm fuzzy feeling." She stops and takes a sip of tea.

"Being with Kyouta is different. It's like a fire inside of me. Spending time with him gives me a certain feeling unlike anyone else. I can't even describe it. It simply feels proper as well." 

She bites on her lips.

"I don't know which one of these feelings is love. I always thought love has to be all butterflies and giddiness. But it is so multi-layered that I can't put my finger on what I'm feeling. My heart flutters and this warm feeling is so pleasant that I don't want to be separated from it. It gives me energy in a way that it motivates me to strive to be a better person, just for the sake of being a better partner. It makes everything suddenly so feasible." She stares at her hands that she stretched out on the table. My eyes glance at her left pinky finger. Her red thread is still attached to it. Unchanged and gently shimmering, utterly undisturbed by the current events of Ninako's emotional turmoil.

I guess being destined for one another is truly not as easy as it might seem. 

It is just as Ryousuke said, there are too many factors influencing the circumstances. They might have found another, luckily being in the same town and even friends at that. However, this is not enough for these soulmates to connect. I didn't think that their past would dominate so strongly in their present decisions and feelings. 

The way Ninako described her feelings and love feels somewhat familiar. I steal a brief glance at Airi next to her. Her face is full of concern and I know that it is earnest. We both leave aside the tasks. Even though Ninako isn't Airi's friend, she still perceives it on a personal level. 

It might be due to her retaining Chiye's memories, but I believe it is her empathy that also allows her to be Ninako's friend now. 

Airi surprisingly looks up and our eyes lock. 

It is only a fleeting moment, but I can feel goosebumps on my skin. Maybe even a brief heart thumb. 

"With these both feelings being right, what would be the right decision?" Ninako looks at us in slight distress. 

I don't want to put the pressure of answering as Chiye on Airi, so I speak up first. "Sometimes there isn't a clear right decision. Sometimes even right decisions might feel wrong. Life is also about making decisions that would solely be right for you since you can't always accommodate everyone's expectations." I remember the words of Chiye's mother on the day before the storm changed everything.

"It will be difficult, if not even cruelly hard, particularly emotionally. Nevertheless, in your situation it is only important what would be good for you and you only." Airi supports my words with a firm and calm voice.

Ninako looks at her and then down to her hands again. Now at this moment the red glimmering thread wrapped around her finger with a tiny bow feels more like a forced upon joke. 

I don't care who or what decided on the fateful partnership of us humans, but isn't it absurd to believe that some predestination will guarantee happiness? Regardless of the situation and actual feelings of each individual? I feel stupid for thinking that Kyouta's confession might be received in a good way only. My optimism and encouragement feels naive and superficial.

Certainly, it is good in its own way that Kyouta was able to finally communicate what he has been carrying all the time by himself. Equally good is the fact that Ninako faces her inner feelings as well. 

The confession didn't necessarily lead Airi and I to her task's completion, but it triggered a momentum of self-reflection and understanding between our friends. 

Maybe Ninako and Kyouta as fated partners will never be with each other all together, however if this is what it takes for them to be leading a more fulfilled life on their own without depending on someone else, then that would be enough for me. 

It also kind of feels like us being responsible for separating them even further apart from another, but honestly, otherwise the unsaid and unheard feelings might have caused future resentment and greater remorse. The anguish now is only temporary. 

At least, that's what I want to believe. I could be wrong too and have caused irreversible damage.

Ninako frowns after thinking about our words for a while.

"A decision that is purely for my own good." She taps her fingers on the table contemplatively.

"You don't have to force a decision now. A lot has happened today, you should carefully consider all factors and then come to a conclusion that feels the most appropriate for what you want and need." Airi holds onto her tapping hands carefully and Ninako returns her warm gaze.

The corners of her lips form a weak smile and they fall into each other's arms.

"Thank you both for listening to me." Ninako's voice trembles again and she nuzzles her face into Airi's shoulder.

Airi pats her on her back consoling. "You don't have to thank us."

Ninako turns her head towards me and smiles. "Thank you for being here too." 

I return her smile and shake my head. "We are here for you anytime."

We leave Ninako's apartment with a strange feeling. 

Airi holds onto my hand again while walking towards the temple. The streets are quieter now, the crowds have disappeared and the moon lights up the city in cold white from above.

"I forgot how painful love could also be." Airi doesn't look up as she speaks. "Even if she loves Kyouta, who is her destined partner, now simply might be the wrong time for their relationship."

"I think so too, sometimes you meet the right people at the wrong time and place." 

"However, I'm glad that we helped them in a way, even if it isn't in the way that we intended." She looks at me with an awkward smile. 

"Yes, this is fine too." 

"I saw numerous love stories in the past. There was this one couple from two socially different families. Despite the circumstances they fell deeply in love with each other. Though, their families were against it. She was too poor, her parents were farmers and she met him while doing the deliveries at his estate." She chuckles a bit. "I was supposed to marry him. But his parents adored me more than he did and his heart was already taken by this girl. She wasn't able to outshine me, whether in class nor in appearance, but it was her soul that made him fall in love with her so unconditionally. I didn't understand it at that time, but I also wasn't interested in marrying him, for he already loved someone else. His parents hated it so much that they decided to ostracise her from the town, hoping that their son's burning heart for her would expire. They wanted to lure her into a trap, sending her away to a different place where she would be sold as a working girl in a brothel." She sighs and shakes her head. "Her being sullied should be enough for him to lose his affection for her. However, I knew about the plans and informed them both. I didn't gain anything by doing so, but I wasn't so sour as to just let them be separated in this petty manner. I thought that his parents were fools. Love transcends social classes and traditions." 

Airi's tone changes as she continues. "The couple planned for a joint escape, from both their families, ready to cut all ties and benefits. It was admirable, at least at that time. They were willing to sacrifice their filial duties and responsibilities to be together. The son paid the workers involved with the trap to continue acting it out, but bringing them both to a different city to start a new life. They all accepted the bribe, guaranteeing safe passage."

Her voice gets gloomier. "On the day of the trap, everything seemed to play out as planned. The girl acted as if she fell into the lure, boarding the ship where her beloved would be waiting for her in secret. The ship sailed but instead of travelling towards a new city, far away from their families, it just turned around back to the shore where his parents were waiting. Along with several officers. One of the conspirators had betrayed them and informed his parents about the bribe. They told the police officers that the girl seduced their son with her evil powers, trying to lure him into his own damnation. Without doubt, they believed this story, what else would a poor farmer's girl do with a son who will inherit a good fortune? They were brought back and punishment awaited them." She stops and I can feel how this story will end.

"The couple was brought to the town's centre, where it was announced what the girl had tried. How she had succumbed to darkness, letting a demon take her place. Oh the poor boy, how could he have known? The girl was handcuffed and wrapped into a straw matt, laying there in the middle of the town. Surrounded by her own family who, along with the devastated boy, were forced to watch her being beaten to death. Several police officers were beating onto her with a wooden cudgel. Her painful-stricken screams slowly turned into whimpering and eventually she fell silent. The entire time a self-proclaimed shrine maiden was chanting some purifying spells in order to cast out the demon inside of her. It was a horrible spectacle. In the end the shrine maiden proclaimed that the demon had left and that the boy would now be free from her spells. Free to marry anyone else. His parents were delighted looking at the dead beaten girl inside the bloody straw matt below their feet. Her parents couldn't object, but their tears and grievous faces said enough." Airi sighs again. A shudder runs through my back while listening.

"His parents believed that their son would now be willing to marry me. But soon after the tragedy had happened, the son ended his own life by drowning in the sea. The place where they shared this fleeting moment of a hopeful reunion and start of a new life."

Airi looks at me with a bitter smile. "Doesn't it make love seem too painful?"

"It does. But those were different times and certainly even during those times there were beautiful love stories."

She nods and pouts a little. "But even today love is causing a lot of grief and pain as well."

"I think that's because love is such a strong emotion, that it causes different scenarios that appear to be extreme. Whether it is strength, motivation or sorrow and misery. Strong feelings are the origin of many different grave choices. In the eyes of the responsible individual those choices are always justified, because for them their feelings are honourable and valid."

Generally, I have never given love so much of a thought since it was never something that I really considered for myself. The red threads are nothing but a mockery. Seeing them has always been just a burden. 

"Yes, indeed. Love makes you willing to team up with me to bring Chiye back." Airi smirks at me.

I grin at her and shake my head. "I would've teamed up with you either way. I'm your trusted tool after all." She laughs. 

"You are more than a tool, Yuzuru." She squeezes my hand and looks at me with a serious expression, trying to give her words more seriousness.

"We'll see about that. Apparently, this all could also be a whole conspiracy from some heavenly deity." I snort excessively excoriating and swing my hands around in a dramatic gesture towards the dark sky.

Airi laughs again, but with a strange undertone. 

"I feel so detached from the heavens. I feel more humane than divine. My power is gone as well. I thought that returning home is the only option for me, but I'm genuinely content with just staying here as well. Not necessarily taking over Chiye's life, but simply staying here in the earthly realm." She looks at me shyly and her voice gets quieter and unsure. "Maybe staying here with you after getting Chiye back doesn't seem so bad."

Even in the lights of the street lamps and the moon her blushed ears are visible.

I snicker and squeeze her hand. "You can decide on that after returning home first. I'm the last person who knows how this entire travelling between realms works, but if you can freely come and go, then you are always welcome to come." My tone is earnest and I really mean it. 

After rescuing Chiye and Airi regaining her own human body, there is nothing that speaks against her visiting us. Chiye would be delighted to meet the tragic protagonist of her favourite tale. She'll probably be jealous of me for being on this venture with Airi.

Imagining her upset expression brings another grin on my face.

She'd be playfully envious, but still demanding to hear about every single detail of the journey.

I don't even know where to start telling her about it.

We haven't reached the conclusion yet, but there is already so much to speak of. 

"I'm glad that you think this way. I'm very grateful." Airi laughs joyfully.

"You and Chiye would probably get along very well." 

"I can see that too. She's lovely." 

"Do you also remember some happy ending love stories?" I want to keep up the enjoyable atmosphere, but I'm also curious about a beautiful real life love story that she witnessed.

Airi puts on a thoughtful expression. 

"It is probably my most precious memory that gave me the motivation to strive for that kind of love for myself." 

"Okay wait, let me get something real quick." I sprint into the nearby convenience store and grab some drinks and snacks for us. We sit down on a bench by the riverbank. I hand her a bottle of tea and a pack of Chiye's favourite chocolates. After getting all comfortable I gesture to her to continue her story. She chuckles.

"Well, the story is similar to the previous one. However, the woman was from a somewhat well-off family, but still the man came from a family with a long rich history and tradition. Quite high in the social and political society. I was just a bystander, at that time married to a kind husband who was befriended with the man. There was a big social gathering, where these two coincidentally met. Usually, there wouldn't have been an opportunity for them to encounter each other. Maybe it was fate that brought them to this place at that exact time." She smiles warmly.

"From what I saw was love at first sight. Between all these women present, it was only her who had captivated his eyes. And for her as well. I thought that it was beautiful how you could tell that time had stopped for them whenever their eyes locked. However, both of them were driven by forced-upon beliefs. In his eyes, she didn't have the right class and status to be fit for him. For her, it was the courteous humbleness that forbade her to connect with him."

She takes a piece of chocolate and indulges in the sweetness before continuing.

"It must have been really fate since their paths would cross over and over again. It was never in their intention, but somehow they always encountered each other again. And everytime, they couldn't overcome their own stubbornness to get to know each other more personally. It was so frustrating! They must've known about the attraction to each other, but they still refused to give into it." She sighs in frustration.

"But it was still so lovely. Their shy glances to one another and how they were blushing when getting closer to each other. Both were in marriageable ages, so both of them received several offers. Ultimately denying all of them. No one knew about the reasons, but at that time it was quite the scandal. In both of their respective social circles. At some point the woman was forced to a marriage interview and the man had known about it. He barged into the interview, which was certainly unmannerly and highly brazen even for his status. Naturally, she felt offended by his action, as he abused his own social standing in a way to disrespect her. That was unacceptable, even for her. However, this event caused the man to finally understand his own feelings. Against his family and his own belief, he came to the conclusion that he loved her. Wholeheartedly and irrevocably. He proposed to her, but she rejected him. Her pride was hurt."

Airi snatches some of my potato chips and her expression is rather unpleasant. She might have taken over Chiye's body, but apparently not all of her preferences. It makes me chuckle.

"So he took all possible measurements to atone for his own brazenness. It was so romantic. His gestures and small amenities were full of thoughtfulness and his affection towards her. It took a year of his lovely endeavours to win over her heart. She forgave him and accepted his final proposal." Airi's voice gets all giddy and happy. "They were together and the most beautiful dazzling couple. Their happiness was unmatched and even silenced his family's objections." 

"That's really wonderful." The story sends a warm feeling through my body.

"I saw that and wanted this for myself as well, but without success so far." She laughs. 

"Everyone probably wants that kind of love. Maybe without all the struggles." I join her laughter.

It took several centuries for Airi to try to understand love and even until now, she couldn't. Love is such a complicated emotion that affects people in so many different ways. 

Though, I'm positive to be able to make her understand love in its best way possible, so that even the heavens have no objections.