the first door

In the beginning,there were only two things

Me and a door .As bright as the door was , it still appaled me ,it frightened me

I was scared of my shadows , the door had no shadows

I hated it , but as much as I hated it , I desired it , I longed for it ,

As I longed for it , I reached out for it

As I reached out for it , every bit of my existence, resisted me , I fell apart,

For so long I thought my truth was my existence but my lies had outlived me , in the lies my demons grew rampant, I was no longer the truth , that I once claimed to be , I was not my mother's , my father's , I was not mine either , I was of the shadows .

I had died but my lies had outlived me , my life had betrayed me but my death had consoled me ,my prayers were unanswered but my death had answered me.

Once again , In front of the door , I was me

Fallen , tattered , in pieces , my resentment had conquered me , my loathe had became me

Yet I still longed and reached out and out for it

I was rejected again

The door knob was reflecting me

The horns , that I tried so hard to hide

The nails that took my mother's life

The face that was never liked

My whole truth was reflected to me

...

My truth that was rejected and the lie that was accepted

Only the truths were reflected

I was crying but I had no tears

I was screaming but I had no voice

I was dying but I was never alive in the first place ,

I had no life

The door was still there reflecting, lighting, half open as if calling for me to scream as If waiting for my hands to reach it ,

open it completely,

as if finally my "God "had seen me ,