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LuciferVermillion

LuciferVermillion

Lv4

The author of The Impossible Fate That Leads To A God Of A New World. Also an engineer in reality where no one knows that I write. Have been trying to progress as many chapters as possible.

2020-07-01 BeigetretenGlobal
34h

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  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion8mth
    Antwortet auf Arsenalhole6ty9

    Yes, it's me.

    Ch 3 Chapter 1.2
    altalt
    The Impossible Fate That Leads To A God Of A New World
    Ost · LuciferVermillion
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Antwortet auf MayDreamer

    Still, big brother Bin is still better than Bin Ge, in my opinion...

    "Too late... Bin Ge!!" Ling who was already in his arms said while giggling.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Antwortet auf

    Hmm... I totally did not see that. Hahaha

    "Too late... Bin Ge!!" Ling who was already in his arms said while giggling.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Antwortet auf MayDreamer

    Very cringy, if you ask me.

    "Too late... Bin Ge!!" Ling who was already in his arms said while giggling.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Antwortet auf LuciferVermillion

    So 哥, or Ge, actually means 'brother' in chinese. The worst part is, 哥, or Gē, had a second pronunciation. Other characters that sounds like this is either 歌 (song), 胳 (armpit), or 戈 (surname), where none of it sounds like a name. So as a person who knew chinese, it sounds like it's always saying 'brother'.

    "Too late... Bin Ge!!" Ling who was already in his arms said while giggling.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Antwortet auf

    Erm, it's not actually about 'Bin' but it's the 'Ge' actually. If you want to write chinese names, better research what that actually means first.

    "Too late... Bin Ge!!" Ling who was already in his arms said while giggling.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    What are you trying to bring out here?

    "Xian, take some rest." Ling said as he saw him moving towards his room.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    And here's Ling again?

    "Xian, take some rest." Ling said as he saw him moving towards his room.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    Ok, here's Ling.

    "It's done!" Ling said as he sat on the couch with a cat on his lap.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Antwortet auf LuciferVermillion

    I don't get what is 'his head low'. And is he feeling exhausted?

    Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
    altalt
    A Holy War: [The war between mortals and gods!]
    Fantasie · La_wyrd
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    On Chapter 2, suddenly, a person called Leon showed up. Who is Leon? That guy from Resident Evil 4? How does he looks like?

    Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
    altalt
    A Holy War: [The war between mortals and gods!]
    Fantasie · La_wyrd
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    I don't get what is almost touching the skies. What are you intending to tell here? Just how tall is the mountain? Did it touched the clouds already? What is the structure of the building? Castle? Skyscraper? Mansion? Tower? Is the building tall? Or was it just built on a mountain? Rephrase this.

    Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
    altalt
    A Holy War: [The war between mortals and gods!]
    Fantasie · La_wyrd
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Antwortet auf LuciferVermillion

    In one paragraph.

    Ch 12 Chapter-12
    altalt
    The Fantastic Five.
    Teenager · Prajnya Shriyan
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    Are you trying to kill your readers? Why on earth are you cramming everything together?

    Ch 12 Chapter-12
    altalt
    The Fantastic Five.
    Teenager · Prajnya Shriyan
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    as someone barehanded.

    Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
    altalt
    Exceeding expectations
    Fantasie · ShadowNovaS
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    Rewrite this.

    Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    This sorry...?

    Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    Rewrite this.

    "...I don't know what people do in such a situation…but anyway let's start with the introduction. Hello, I am Xiao He‐Ling, turning 18 this year, and you?" Ling said as he forwarded his hand boy looked at Ling's eyes for some time before forwarding his hand but stopped midway, horror took over his pale face.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    Bin Ge? As in? 斌哥?

    "Too late... Bin Ge!!" Ling who was already in his arms said while giggling.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail
  • LuciferVermillion
    LuciferVermillion1yr
    Kommentiert

    The bus conductor yelled at the boy who dozed off.

    Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
    altalt
    Winter Rain
    LGBT+ · MayDreamer
    detail