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Hi semi shameless author here. I might be over estimating my writing capability with this rating but hey! It's my book. Anyways if you like fantasy, with a little humor but strong story you should enjoy the novel. This is my first time writing something substancial so if you have any suggestions I take constructive criticism.
Hmm, "He liked the little girl" HMM
Alright I'll see what I can do.
Actually it's correct grammar. When part of a sentence has commas on either side it means that it can be removed from the sentence and it would still be a complete sentence. Not actually pausing, like when you're listing something you don't pause after every comma.