Firebowle

Pls just switch the picture back … it looks like every throwaway harem novel 🤦‍♂️🥴😂

I can recommend Marvel: Re-Do, it is about a Mc who awakens the Lutent ability to adapt and evolve, see if you can maybe find inspiration in it or for the readers, I can recommend it 👍

I could imagine that

I think the goal and journey are missing, you either concentrate on the goal or the journey and character development. On the other hand As your story is now I don’ t see much difficulties that are long term, only some short term like the attack of his teammates but no complications. You have the perfect villain in Danzo or a hidden orgamization of mercenaries or something like that. But as of now your character is just simply existing and not creating in an already existing story. My Tip: Be bold, change what you want to change and let him live a life of difficulties Fun and Creative writing ✍️

I like your passion of youth😂

How about „I am Krillin“, I think it was quite good. Nice chapter👍

Well I prefer a movie or novel, where choices are described but not explained. Just show the reader the emotiona let them be part of the story and not seperate them by trying to explain the reasoning of the character. I don‘t know the novel, but felt disturbed by the tipps left behind for the author to stumble over. And a further tip, try to incorporate a hidden story, something that is there in one centence but is never explained, but adds depth to the world/characters and so on. Do your beat, author.

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined

For my taste, his reactions are a bit artificial and the dialoge is missing completely. You just advance the plot, but dont care about writing his character and enhancing the story. The story in its enterity feels a bit soulles, good idea but to focused ob the plot. But the idea is worthy to put in a fanfic

For my taste, his reactions are a bit artificial and the dialoge is missing completely. You just advance the plot, but dont care about writing his character and enhancing the story. The story in its enterity feels a bit soulles, good idea but to focused ob the plot. But the idea is worthy to put in a fanfic