Prologue

Abandoned.  I was never their son. Broken.  We all aren't born with the luxury of emotion.  Beaten. Obey orders and you will be free. Weak. Never show your true strength.  Embarrassment. Reveal your colors and be disowned. Pain. Let's see if anyone would care if I died. Trauma. Each injury gets more extreme the more it adds on. Childhood. Something I never had the luxury to enjoy. Family. Till death do us part. Love. Unable to feel. Life. A sick and cruel joke. I have told myself these things ever since I was put into the orphanage. My parents abandoned me when I was only a day old. Many times over even by foster parents I have been called broken because I was unable to express or even feel emotion. I hated the orphanage. Every time someone did something bad they would have a choice, for them to be punished or they could beat me and their sins will be washed away. If I made one mistake within the orders I was given they would beat me even worse than the other kids did.

I even got into a fight once with one of the other children and the outcome was that the boy was on the verge of death, barely clinging to life. There was one time I tried making friends within the orphanage. When I did make a few they all left me because of my personality. When I realized that I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life I tried killing myself several times. This was the only time I have ever felt the thing called happiness within my pathetic and lonely life. The more I get hurt or betrayed by others I cause an injury to myself more extreme then the other, because I wanted to feel something. The orphanage I was put into was filled with nothing but teenagers meaning they have experienced a childhood something I can never have. I will kill those who have abandoned me and those who could've taken me in. Everyone within the orphanage was always dating someone and I always heard those three words 'I love you.' I am unable to understand what those simple three words mean.

I am aware that life shouldn't be easy and that there should always be hardships within someone's life, but why does my life have to be like hell? I was destined to be alone ever since I was born. Not to mention the fact that I have become a regular to the hospital just so I can feel some type of peace. Within this hospital I feel safe, there is no one beating me nor was there anyone looking down on me. The people will talk to me though I know it's out of pity. When I was walking around the orphanage once I saw on someone's phone a man. He was doing many things I was unable to do. He smiled, he laughed, he had a loving wife, and he was able to be himself without having to hide anything. In my eyes the man was perfect in every way possible, but it was impossible for me to meet him since he lived in the capital of the city.

I could barely survive the orphanage I was in so I knew I wouldn't even last a day within the capital. Although I never went to the capital, I studied him through the constant videos he posted. Since I didn't have a phone like the others did, I constantly had to steal the other's phones so I could study the person. The more I learned about him the more I found out how perfect his life was. He had loving parents who cared about him, he and his wife were teenage sweethearts, he had a kid not that long ago, he was happy with his job, and he had a smile planted on his face. He was my idea of the perfect human with the perfect life. It was also the first time in my life I felt jealous of someone. I was jealous of the fact that he could smile so effortlessly, I was jealous he had loving parents, I was jealous how many people liked him, I was jealous of his wife, jealous of his family, I was jealous of everything the man had.

The more I learned about him the more I realized there was no way I could get out of my predicament. I realized that I was gonna be stuck inside the orphanage until I aged out of it. When I went to bed that night, I had forgotten to put the phone back and so I was caught with another person's phone. I couldn't even lie about me stealing it because I did. Naturally I thought I was getting beaten like I always do but what happened that time around was much worse. They took off my shirt and tied my hands behind my back, dragging me to a car taking me to the capital, then taking me to the top of the tallest building. They then forced me down onto my knees to where my hanging head was looking down at the ground hundreds of feet away from me.

I was unable to do anything, I was powerless within the situation. I then felt a foot push on my back hearing the words 'may your sins be forgiven.' The next thing I knew I was pushed off the building, falling down from hundreds of feet within the air. Thinking I actually might die from it I smiled as I was falling and closed my eyes. I then hit a parked car crushing the front of it as the glass got into my eyes. After that I don't remember anything that happened.