To Live Without

The Morning Sorrows sang their songs of woe from the branches they were perched upon. A tune Regan once found so haunting, now depicted the exact condition of her shattered heart. The light of Xal peeked through the open slits of her bedroom blinds, accompanying the sorrows in their growing symphony.

It took all of Reagan's strength to pull herself out of bed, without even looking at the other side of the room she knew that she was alone. From the second they got there Monica had been working hard to impress their mistress. That woman woke early, earlier than any sane Rabbitkin should, to get a few extra hours of training. Leaving no one to wonder why she was Lady Syrin's favourite pupil. Regan had been training just as hard with her every morning, yet she now lacked the drive, much to her companion's disappointment.

The young rabbit girl had been in a foul mood as of late, though none wondered why, it had been days since she had last seen the prince. As heartbroken as the young girl was over it she did not wish to be the reason for her Fluffle's demise.

Regan wished more than anything that she could throw herself at the feet of the prince and offer herself to him, even if love was not the thing he had in mind. No matter the pain it would have brought, as long as she could spend the rest of her life by his side she did not care what happened to her.

Regan silently hoped that Galliard would begin to notice her with the more time they spent together. That he would get so used to having her around he would grow dependent on her company. She knew just how wistful her thinking was but to dream was all that was allowed. How foolish she felt for not realising that those around them could see right through her.

It was late, she thought, looking at the avatar of Xal. Hoping that Syrin was not yet there as she dashed through the halls to the training grounds. She, sadly, had no such luck.

"You are late!" Lady Wrath snapped, not bothering to turn around as the younger woman approached. The little bit of respect Syrin had for the rabbit girl turned to disdain. That she would let a crush interfere with her training.

"I am deeply sorry my Lady Wrath." Regan shuffled forward, her head hung low in shame.

"You will be tending to the Gacklos after class, do not be late again, or being bitten will be the least of your worries." The Noblewoman waved her away.

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry ma'am." She bowed to her lady, her heart threatening to escape from her chest.

Regan fell in line with the rest of her people, she could feel the disappointed looks of her fluffle, afraid that she would mess up what they had here. She could not blame them for it when she was disappointed in herself as well. The class started but everything went by in a blur for her as she tried to get through the day without breaking down.

After class ended she rushed to the stables not wishing to anger Syrin further. Soon enough she ran into Tobin, the stable master, who chuckled when he saw her. The man was tall, well muscled and a little on the pale side for someone who lived in the Shattered Isles. Probably due to his habit of wearing cloaks at all hours of the day. Tobin's black eyes crinkled from a smile as the older man stood to his full height. By the Gods was he a giant, taller than anyone she had met in her short life. The man was nice enough, true, but having the mountain of a man looking down at you was never pleasant.

"Was not expecting to see you here lass." He admitted, looking around for more of her kin.

"I…ah kind of deserved it, to be honest." She mumbled to herself, kicking at a patch of dirt.

The Blessed shrugged, not interested for her reasons, it was always nice to have help around the stables.

"Come on then, little bunny, bout time for feeding." He waved her over as he opened the door.

The girl shuddered a little as she walked in behind the man. The stables she had seen when she was younger were generally filled with horses, not here. Within were the large reptiles known as Gacklos, the chosen mounts of the Masks, at least on land. They were three times the size of even Tobin and large fangs gleamed at her everywhere she looked. Gacklos wouldn't have been her first choice of a mount, but then again, when you could do the things the Blessed could, they probably weren't so scary. Regan jumped slightly when one of the large lizards snorted at her, huffing a little when Tobin laughed at her reaction.

"They're not that scary lass, been working with em' for years." He patted her on the head, flattening her ears for a moment.

"Maybe not to you…"She grumbled, not believing him.

"Here, we will start with some of the smaller ones, yeah?" He offered, nodding to a stable filled with three Gacklos that were only about her size.

"...I would like that." Regan smiled at the large man, he was not so bad.

They walked towards the three Gacklo hatchlings, the comparatively small reptiles wrestling with each other. When the Stable master whistled, they all looked at him as one, slit eyes staring at the Blessed.

"See, well trained and everything." He puffed his chest out in pride at his charges.

"Yeah…" The Rabbitkin nodded, still wary of the beasts.

He nodded, either not noticing her hesitation or not caring, handing her a bucket. Regan took a moment to realise that he had not been holding one before, nor had he grabbed one on their way in, but shrugged it off. Out of all the things she had seen over the past month, the ability to create buckets was not too strange. Looking into the container she was greeted with very large, very alive, insects squirming around inside. Regan wanted to faint, or maybe throw it at the man who had handed it to her but restrained herself. Tobin must have seen the look on her face because he snorted at her.

"Yeah, bugs and fruits are what the young ones normally eat," He smirked at her. "Sometimes smaller lizards, fish and rabbits if they can catch em'." He noted with a grin.

"That is NOT FUNNY!" She shrieked at him, hitting him with her free hand with a glare.

It felt like hitting a stone wall, her hand hurt after, but he deserved it in her opinion. The man just laughed at the blow far too proud of his little joke.

Reaching into his bucket, he plucked a green leaf-like insect out by the wings. Moving forward, he fed the centre Gacklo the treat, the large lizard carefully taking the food and crunching down on it. He waved Regan forward as well, after a moment of hesitation, she reached in and grabbed a beetle the size of her hand. Resisting the urge to throw the thing, she walked forward and held it out to the rightmost Gacklo. The creature darted forward and snatched the food from her. A series of crunches came from its jaws as it broke open the shell of the beetle. Regan shuddered at the sounds and could not help but think that could have been her arm.

For the next few hours, they fed the Gacklos, even though the large ones scared her, they were just as well trained. Even after feeding the large lizards and washing them, she had only been nearly bit once. Due to sliding a brush against an old wound of one of the eldest ones. Thankfully the Stablemaster had stopped her from losing anything. Tobin jested how she would one day take his place if she kept up the good work. Regan personally felt he was doing a great job and she would never take it from him.

For no other reason…honest.

Soon enough though, her punishment was completed and she left Tobin to his duties. Waving the tall man goodbye as she went on her way. Even though the experience had been scary, she thought, it was still better than being hunted by Wolfkin in the forest for weeks on end.

With a sigh, Regan sat on the grass atop a small hill on the castle grounds. Often she found herself going there to clear her mind and now that was what she needed the most. It had been a while since they had arrived at the castle and she still could not believe it. The day it happened was still so vivid in her mind and so was he...

"What are you doing!" Her cheeks flamed crimson as she gasped, knocking the side of her head as if it would make the problematic thoughts dislodge from her brain. "Bad girl."

With a frustrated huff, she gently threw herself back onto the plush, lush grass beneath her. After the embarrassment stopped, the hurt she felt began to sneak back in and plant its roots inside her broken heart.

She always knew that nothing could ever come out of her crush on the Prince but she could not help but dream. He did save her life and the life of her people, something that hardly any would have done. He also treated her like a normal person instead of the 'dirty halfbreed' most gifted ones did.

The glare of Xal eased from her face, causing her to peek through her lids to see what was causing the disturbance. She immediately blanched when she did, standing over her was the very one person that she did not wish to see. Regan's eyes widen in shock and she sits up into a position she felt less vulnerable in.

"H..how can I help you, my Prince?" She crossed her arms, trying to put up more of a barrier between them.

"I have not seen you for some time," Galliard stated as he took a seat next to her on the hill. His eyes squinted slightly as he sensed something off about the way she was reacting to him. The girl was always chipper and excited when talking to the boy but she seemed a bit distant.

That coupled with the fact that she had been scarce in sight, he knew that he had to do something to help his friend. He had gotten used to having her around as a companion but did not realise just how much so until he no longer saw her.

"Did I do something to offend you?" The hint of hurt in his voice caused her heart to twist and she found herself racing to ease his worries.

"No of course not!" She exclaimed, "It has nothing to do with you, I have my own problems to deal with."

"Well, what is it?" He queried, wanting to do all he could to help his friend when she was in need. "Maybe I can assist you in dealing with it."

Galliard's eyes held Regan and the love she had for him swelled some more, he was such a kind and caring prince. It was rare for someone of royal blood to be so nice and even more so for a Blessed. It was one of the many reasons why she fell so helplessly in love with him and one of the reasons why she would stay that way.

"There is nothing you can do," She rushed out as she got to her feet to turn her back to him. Her throat grew tight, closed as if the words she was about to say would strike her down. "We should not be friends anymore, thank you for the time spent but I think it is best we go our separate ways."

"Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?" Galliard's eyebrows came together in confusion, this was unlike the person he had come to know, something was the matter and he would not leave until he knew what it was. "This is not you talking, tell me what is wrong."

He stood, coming up behind her, he gripped the back of her arm, making her jump. The feeling of his hand on her skin was something she normally could not help but swoon over. Yet at that moment, it was as if it scorched her skin.

Regan turned around, yanking her arm from his grasp, as she faced him, her eyes looked everywhere but his face. The prince could smell the tears threatening to spill from her eyes making him even more determined to find out what was bothering her.

"You can trust me," He talks in a soft tone trying not to scare her "Is someone bullying you?"

"No!" She answered a little too quickly, solidifying his concern, he would be damned if he would allow his friend to be treated in such a way in his own home.

"Come with me," He ordered, gripping her wrist and dragging her with him. "You will not be mistreated here while under my protection."

Regan looked at him as he dragged her along, she could not help the tears that were now flowing from her eyes. She thought staying away from him would be easier, it never crossed her mind that the prince would seek her out once she stopped coming around. She never thought that he would care enough to try and help her, but she needed to be as far away from him as she possibly could. Because no matter what she did and no matter what she said to herself she would always love him.

"S-stop!" Panic started to set in and she tried to pull her wrist from his grasp but he had a good hold on her. Before she could stop herself words started flowing forth from her mouth, words she would have rather kept to herself. "It is because of you, the more time I spend with you the more I want to surrender my heart to you but it is impossible and I will not torture myself any longer."

"Y-y-you," Galliard's eyes widened in shock and as his hand slackened, she took that opportunity to pull away. It took everything inside of her not to clamp her hand over her mouth and run away. "You like me."

Galliard could not be more surprised even if he tried, for someone to be interested in him, it is something that he thought could never happen. Moments that they have spent together flash across his mind and he mentally palms his face as it becomes painfully obvious just how much she did.

"Regan I…" He began.

"Stop, do not speak." She whispered as she looked away, not wanting to hear him reject her. "Please just leave me alone."

Galliard watched in a daze as she ran away, not knowing what to say or do to comfort her. He would have sooner believed that there were only two genders before he believed that she had fallen in love with him.

He never thought about her in that way, It was not that Regan was not an attractive girl, at least after she stopped being starved and filled out. Had they met in a time of peace he might have even courted her. He thought about the way she looked at him. How she acted when they were together and realised that she was someone that he could have seen himself falling for. No, he frowned, war was fast approaching and that was what he had to focus on. He needed to get stronger so that he could help his Clan in the coming conflict. The distraction of love was the last thing he should be focused on.

He could not waste time on such things when his people were in danger, so he decided to push it back until further notice. As cruel as it was to Regan he could not afford the distractions right now, he had a job to do and fawning over a girl was not going to help him get stronger.

If he did decide to someday court a maiden or even wed, Galliard needed to be strong enough to protect his wife and offspring. Only then would he be a man worthy enough of her affection.

Only then he will allow himself to love.