Athena - The Dream

The light of the sun reaches my eyes, waking me from a dream of a dark night, there I was lonely, forgotten, and empty. The dream was a recurring dream, it's been months since I have been having them, lately more frequently. I have not been able to address it, the questions that arise and I am tired, those questions eat every sense of wellbeing I used to have, the doubt is playing with my now wavering heart. And yet the sun rises as if nothing has happened. Does the sun know that it has helped me? Does it care? Who actually cares?

An arm strong yet warming comes to the rescue, it surrounds my waist pulling me into his embrace, his warmth is as comforting as the sun in this winter, he for sure is the son of the sun.

I turn to him facing his blue rested eyes, his black hair unkempt, and his sweet smile.

"Good morning, son of the sun" I greet him escaping from me a soft giggle.

His face intrigued by his new nickname greets back and asks, "Good morning my love", he pushes a hair strand to the back of my ear, "why the new name? Wouldn't Apollo be bothered by it?"

I caress his silky cheek, "because, you, my love came as the answer to my questions to the sun. And he has many other things to be bothered about".

He chuckles, "Is that so?" he grabs my hand and gives it a kiss on its fingers, "what questions are those you asked?"

"Well, I asked the sun if he knows that he helped me. If he cares or someone cares"

"And how did I answer for him?" He asks confused about how he might have answered.

I see the confusion all over his face making me giggle internally, "sending you to hug me and pull me into your embrace. Very obedient of you, son of the sun" I say running my index finger over his chest.

His smile bright, clearly making my point, soothes my doubtful heart. "I have always been an obedient son", he says with his deep and sultry voice and reaches for my lips giving a kiss, the sweet morning kiss.

After a light make-out session still in each other's embrace, "and so, how did I help you? How did my hug help you?" he asks toying with my loose hair.

"You or your hug, reassure me that someone cares about me". I caress his chest feeling his body heat eyes closed.

"I wonder, what has made you ask those questions," he says concerned hugging me tightly, "Is so unlike you, you know I have always been here for you, and not only I but others that love you." He kisses my forehead.

I say nothing dwelling into his words and then going back to those dreams that seem to be screaming at me to wake up.

The silence continued for a minute, although not awkward, I could sense the rise of concern in him, his eyes told me as much. I sit up resting one arm on one knee, I look through the floor-to-ceiling window, I heave a sigh and muster up some strength to discuss that recurring dream.

"Clark, I have something to tell you," I say still looking outside.

Clark sits up next to me and caresses my back, "I am all ears".

I place my other hand on his thigh and turn my sight to him, my heart tightens, "I have been having this dream..."

He says nothing looking at me with his serious attentive eyes.

"In this dream, I am lost in the darkness of the night but is as it was night inside me, I don't know how to explain it, is weird," I scratch my head a bit anxious, is hard to find the words,

"In this dream, I am no longer a superhero, nor Diana the princess, but a hollow and empty shell of a glorious past. I... I am no longer needed my service is not requested by anyone, and I feel desperate because my sense of duty and whatever the cause I had for a living is gone... So it rose questions of who I am behind all 'this'," I signal with great emphasis from top to bottom my body.

"What do you mean by 'this'?" he does the same I did in confusion.

"I mean 'this'" I repeated again with all and gesture, "my body, my names, what I mean, my ideas and beliefs, my deeds, my immortality.... you and our family," I say exalted slowly diminishing the intensity as speaking.

He remains silent trying to understand what I am referring to, never leaving eye contact, and I continue,

"Last month, at the UN conference, my eyes surfed through all of the people attending, most were not even there, they were lost in their minds, not caring what was actually happening. The words of all the speakers, some were empty, some were full of hope and desire for good, yet they were unheard. That moment, it came to me a question long forgotten within me, 'Why am I here?', I felt that I have become a well-respected show, good for their business. I finished my speech, yet my only desire was to run away as far away as possible, to throw away everything".

The silence again, this time an uncomfortable silence, makes my heartache, I would understand if he doesn't understand, his convictions are imbued in his veins, he has found his happiness in life. It is one of the reasons I chose to be with him, one of the reasons I love him, he in some ways helps me find my path again, but this time I don't think he can.

"The question that I am asking, that my heart is raging for is, WHO AM I before everything I have come to believe I am. I was the one who chose to protect humanity when need me and now I don't think I want it anymore, at least not the way I've been doing it until now, I find no need for it, and for that, I find myself empty. Who am I behind Diana, the princess, the protector, the god... Wonder Woman?"

I take a deep breath pressing my hands on my face sliding them to the sides in frustration, then after making myself calm I look back at him, I can see his effort in trying to understand what I am saying,

"Darling, you are the voice of hope, you are hope itself by being Superman and a terrific leader, you also are Clark Kent, who used to be a great reporter and now a great book author, widow of Louis Lane, father of her son, Jon, and now my husband and father of our sons and daughters, the best father and husband anyone could have ever asked for, and you have your convictions in order, you know exactly who you are and what you desire, you follow your morals and values, you act on them and above all, you are the most honest man I have ever known..." I take a pause.

I come closer to him touching foreheads, eyes closed, I cross my arms around his neck,

"Clark, I know you can say the same to me, you can describe me as I just did with you, but what I am yearning for is beyond that," I say in an almost as whispers voice as the last intent of him to understand me.

We separate our foreheads and look into each other's eyes intently, he is startled by my words, and I am holding myself from crying, he pulls me back to a hug and rubs his hand on my back comforting me.

He gives me his sweet smile. "I've been there, and no matter what, I am here for you".

He continues, "My mother used to say, 'in the world the ones who don't change are the dead, only the living are meant to change'. And you are very much alive Diana, so you are bound to change, but no matter how much you change, I have the advantage," he gives a little chuckle, "that I can and always will be there supporting you," he states with a deep and charming voice that pierces to the profound of my heart filling it with sweetness and support, "this is a opportunity to recreate yourself once again".

"Thank you," is all I can say, the tears flowing down my cheeks, dripping on Clark's bare skin. I am grateful for being with him, his support means more to me than his understanding, yet he understands me the most, he makes me certain that I have a place to return if I am lost.

"I already want to see your new self".

I giggle, "I love you".

"I love you too".

Our warm breaths communicate, agreeing to finish with a kiss. Against the breaths plans, the kiss wanted more than just itself, it desired the body, the whole experience, from me on top to he over me. The kiss got what it wanted, with love and intensity. Then the breaths intervene, slowing down in unison, letting gaze and awe play around, until duty pulls us apart.