ch 37

Edward's POV:

My love was resting in my arms, still unconscious, while her heart was beating franticly in her chest and her sweet breath was leaving her mouth in fast, shallow gasps. I could hear Carlisle in the basement pacing around in his lap, running tests while keeping me out of his mind.

Despite my cold body temperature she didn't cool down. Even Carlisle's suggestion to let cold water run in the tub and lay down with her in it was of no avail.

Because of the high temperature she became rapidly dehydrated. Carlisle put her on an IV to get some liquid inside of her to prevent the dehydration but aside from that there was nothing he could do.

It was as if the heat was captured inside of her body and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. I was really reaching my limits. If this went on she would...… die.

Humans could only go a limited time with such a high temperature before their inner organs were going to give out. Not that a human being would have even survived the temperature she was currently running.

Over and over again I ran through all the medical knowledge that I gained in all the years at medical school in Yale, Harvard and Dartmouth but it was no use. I couldn't find anything that would be of any help to my mate.

It was unbelievable I possessed two medical degrees. Two medical degrees! For the love of god! And there was nothing I could do to help the woman that I loved.

How pathetic was that?

While I brushed away a strain of her hair that had fallen into her face I noticed that the sun was coming out from behind the mountains. The sky outside of the glass wall was changing from the dark shadows to a bright morning blue-grey.

The darkness outside was yielding the light of the day. But the darkness inside of me was only becoming stronger and darker, threatening to consume my frozen heart entirely.

How could there ever be light again if my love wasn't by my side?

Alice tried her best to see when or, the thought was impossible to stomach, if my love would wake up but she couldn't get anything. Anything but unclear images that made absolutely no sense. It frustrated her and me to no end.

I sighed defeated and lost in hopelessness, placed my forehead lightly against hers and hummed "Too late to apologize" to her. It was one of her favourite songs, she loved it.

A memory of how she always sat besides me on the piano bench with her wide, curious, sparkling, hazel pools and that winning smile on her lips when I played suddenly appeared in my mind. I inhaled her scent deeply smiling while remembering just how much I loved to play for her and see how much joy my music gave her.

My eyes were still closed as I rested next to her, concentrating on my beautiful mate, hoping to have more chances in the future to see her beautiful smile again when suddenly something weird happened.

Her forehead that just a second ago felt burning hot against my own was back to the normal temperature in an instant and her wild heartbeat and ragged breathing normalized as well just as fast as her temperature dropped.

The feverish blush disappeared from her cheeks.

It all happened in a second from one moment to another. Alice who was tying to get a vision of my love and was failing all the time had a vision in the moment her condition improved.

My beautiful fiancée would open her eyes in two seconds. I eyes were anxious fixed on her peacefully sleeping face. She opened her hazel pools then, looked around before her eyes locked with mine and a careful smile graced her lips.

"Morning handsome." She muttered weakly.

Her voice was rough from sleep.

I turned around and reached for a bottle of water. I could feel the slight shifting of the mattress when she was slowly trying to sit up. Anna groaned a little as she did so.

I quickly grabbed the bottle, turned around to face her and put my free arm on her back to assist her. Anna smiled gratefully at me while taking the bottle out of my hands and taking a sip.

"Good morning beautiful." I kissed her temple after placing the bottle back on the night stand.

"What happened?" She asked, looking a little lost.

"You suddenly fainted and you had a very high fever." I explained, pressing her closer into my side.

"Oh," was all she said.

"You scared me half to death, my love." I gave her a weak smile.

She smiled up at me weakly and took a deep intake of air. Suddenly her expression was curious and a few little deep breaths followed.

"Anna is something wrong? Aren't you feeling well?" I asked as panic was crawling up my spine.

Had she trouble breathing?

Was she going to suffocate?

Awful possibilities were running through my mind, fuelling the fear and panic that was gaining possession over me.

"No, I'm fine," she smiled reassuringly at me, calming me a little "…but.."

"But," I urged her on not that it helped she remained still, not providing any answers or any sounds at all for that matter.

"Anna please I'm losing my mind over here." I begged her, reaching up to hold her face in my hands, looking intensely into her warm, hazel pools.

"Something really smells good." She answered finally in a quiet whisper, leaving me puzzled.

"Something smells good?!" I repeated dumbly.

"Yes, an almost-honey-lilac-and-sun-flavoured scent." She struggled to explain.

I was left speechless for a few seconds before a chuckled left my lips out of relive and I drew her tighter into my embrace, kissing her forehead while having her pressed against my chest, tenderly huddled in my lap.

"What?" She asked her head snapping up and I was met with a questioning expression.

"That is my scent that you just described." I smiled down at her.

"But I have never been able to name the fragrances before." Her eyebrows were pulled together and she appeared to think hard for a long moment.

"Love?!" I asked when she didn't say anything or moved at all for longer then I was comfortable with.

Why wasn't I able to read her mind?! I could have pulled my hair out. It would so much easier if I just could get access to that mysterious mind of hers.

"So...…..it's still happening." She suddenly stated in a hushed whisper. I don't think she meant to say it out loud. Her expression went into a serious mask.

"What is still happening?"

My love only nodded looking into the space without seeing anything. In this moment I would have given everything to be able to read her mind. From what I gathered something like this happened before so why hasn't she told me anything about it?

"Love please! I need to kn..."

But I couldn't end my sentence Alice flew into the room and at my fiancé, pulling her into a tight hug so was Esme.

Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Carlisle were also in the room with us, gazing with relief at my beautiful mate who was finally wake, sitting right next to me, being hug-attacked by our sister and mother.

Carlisle's thoughts immediately became guarded. He was hiding something but before I could ask my love spoke, looking directly at Carlisle.

"Judging from the band aid on my arm I take it you took a blood sample?"

"Yes, I made a few tests." He answered.

"From the look on your face I can tell that the tests will prove my theory." She stated rather emotionless.

Carlisle was completely caught off guard by this.

"You are aware of your condition?" He asked stunned, eyebrows pulled together.

"A theory I came up in my world to explain an incident that happened before summer vacation but since it never happened again....though the fever attacks took place every few weeks." She pushed out as an after thought.

"But since I came back I was feeling fine so I haven't thought that...…." Her voice died down in the middle of her sentence.

"So this happened before?" He asked curious.

"A few times."

"When was that?"

"Ahmm….sorry but may I first get dressed?"

My fiancée asked rather uncomfortable. She wore only her panties and her bra and was clutching the sheets tightly to her chest.

"Oh …yes….. of course." If he could he would have blushed.

Emmett of cause shook with silent laughter while the others were trying to hide their smirks as they made their way out of our bedroom.

"Glad you are back little sis." Emmett's voice boomed through the house.

As soon as they left the room and closed the door behind them I pulled my fiancée in my arms. I just needed to feel her pressed against my body for calm and security to come back to me.

Anna understood me better then anybody else. She wouldn't have minded sitting there covered in the blanket telling Carlisle what he wanted to know.

The only reason she did what she did was because she knew how much I needed her for myself right now. I wanted, I needed to know what was happening to her but first I needed her.

"How about a shower?" She whispered, gracing me with a brilliant smile.

I nodded taking her hand in mine as we got out of bed. The distance between us was too much for me, I scooped her up bridal style and carried her into the bathroom, peeling the panties and bra slowly off her curves and I undressed myself in a blink of an eye.

While we showered I made my decision.

I would turn her if that was what she wanted.

A life time was not enough and right then I wasn't sure if I would be even granted a life time with her.

I loved her.

I needed her.

I needed her as a human needed air to breath.

During the shower I couldn't keep my hands of her, needing to feel all of her to chase away my fears and anxiousness. After our shower we headed down into the big leaving room to take our places around the coffee table.

Anna sat next to me in our love seat. I had my arm around her, needing the connection with her body.

Anna's POV:

Carlisle was nervous and a little worried but at the same time I have never seen him this excited. I think Alice had rubbed off of him and from the looks of it I wasn't the only one thinking that.

His eyes were bright and curious and he shifted in his seat.

"You may start when you are ready, Anna." Carlisle said eagerly.

I smiled warmly at him.

"I think you asked me when those black outs happened?" Carlisle nodded.

"That was shortly after I came back into my world. I had just greeted my mom and realized that I was back and no time passed. I was just freaked and it was so hot, hotter then every fever I ever had and I had a lot of them as a kid."

"That was just it, a fever for a few hours." He asked serious.

"Ah...no it was more like days but the fever wasn't that high the first time around."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully at that while Edward held me close to him.

"And the other times?" Carlisle asked.

"One of them was before summer vacation. I was taking a walk in the park with my parents and it was also the first time I heard voices."

"It happened before?" Edward asked stunned. His mosaic butterscotch pools were opened wide, demanding answers.

"Ah…..not only the voices hearing thing." I stammered out.

"What do you mean?" It was Jasper who asked now.

"Well it was so hot and then, all of the sudden, Mic looked horrified and a car run me over I was dying." I heard Esme, Alice and Rose gasp and Edward tighten his grip on me.

"Then I saw my family at a funeral. Suddenly I was back in the park in one piece and everything was back to step one. Mic looked horrified again and then I heard voices but not like someone spoke them but in my head and I felt things that didn't make sense to me like they weren't really my emotions. Those emotions were forcing themselves on me." I told them. "The other times I had only a fever."

"What happened then with the car, I mean?" Emmett asked.

"I ran. I didn't think I just ran and fainted in my mom's arms."

Everyone was silent for a few intakes of air.

"Hmm….impressive it seems that you can adapt abilities from those around you." Carlisle stated thoughtfully.

"But how is that even possible that's a Vampire ability and Anna is human. A dead or un-dead one but still human." Rose threw in.

"It is possible because I'm turning. Am I right Carlisle?"

I looked at him as the others were gasping when what I just said sunk in.

"Wait what do you mean you are turning? None bite you and you are not screaming." Emmett was stating the obvious in his puzzlement.

"I know Emmett but I do have Edward's venom in my system and it's turning me slowly."

"But Edward never....." Rose looked horrified and unsure.

"No, Rose but when we kissed I swallowed it and it got stored somewhere. Is this about right?" I asked looking at Carlisle.

That was what I had come up with back then in my world. Of cause it sounded absolute insane back then without any evidence but now.....

"Yes, I tested your blood and there are traces of venom in it. Though it is interesting to know about the ability that you have." His eyes were sparkling at the prospect of running more tests on me and getting to know more about my condition.

Well shoot! Did I already mention that I hated hospitals?

"How did you come up with all of it so fast?" Jasper asked.

"It wasn't fast I thought about it all summer back in the world I was born in after that incident with the car accident happened and I had experienced all of your abilities. I tried to come up with some explanation and this was the best I could do." I shrugged.

"Hitting the nail on the head." Emmett threw in I smiled.

"Let's just hope Aro never gets to know about my potential." It just blurted out of me without my consent.

Everyone went serious and grim.

"Yes, that would be a problem." Carlisle didn't look happy.

Edward grip on me tightened. He was pressing me closer to him and growled lowly.

"But first I would like to do some more tests with you to get to know how the venom is affecting your body." My Doctor Vampire said and thought some more judging by the firm grip Edward suddenly had on me.

"You mean if it's going to kill me?"

Carlisle's face fell a little at the sober truth being spoken out loud but he nodded.

"You won't." Edward stated fiercely in a firm voice. "If I turn her now she will be fine, right?" He turned to face Carlisle for affirmation.

Complete silence fell upon the living room and everyone looked at Edward, with mouths hanging wide open, utter disbelieve was plainly visible on everyone's faces.

"O.K. who are you and what have you done with my little brother?" Emmett asked stunned after a moment of shock.

"Do you think I want to lose her again? I had to live seven years without out my mate. I don't want to do it again not for one second." Edward barked angrily at Emmett.

Emmett was impressed and surprised to say at least. So was I. Never would I have expected that Edward would not put up a fight in the matter of my mortality.

"That is if you want to spend forever with me?" Edward was looking at me then scared and unsure as he asked in a careful, quiet voice.

His hands were firm around me and he looked like he would die any moment.

"Of course I want to spend eternity with you." The words rushed out of my mouth. "I just wasn't expecting that you would offer it yourself."

"I had been thinking about it for quite some time to be honest I just didn't know if you were willing to such a sacrifice…."

I could only sigh then.

"Edward I love you. I don't see it as a sacrifice…..you for eternity is what I want, always have, always will." I said a little forcefully but he needed to understand.

His face lit up and a crocked grin was shining down on me before he kissed me passionate. After we broke the kiss we were looking into each others eyes when we hard Carlisle clear his throat to get our attention.

"Good but let's not jump the gun here. First I would like to do those tests just to be on the safe side."

I nodded signalising my agreement and silently promising not to run away from the medial examination though only the thought of it let a bad shudder run down my spine and let my survival instincts kick in.

Yep, I still hated hospitals!

Edward and I went back to our room. We had to let it all sink in. It was a lot to stomach what we just learned and Edward was still not over the shock of my fainting. Besides that I was going to become a Vampire....well actually I was already becoming one.

Downstairs, only minutes ago, my beloved fiancé looked so sure and determined of his choice but now I could see the fear and uncertainness in his beautiful features.

I knew exactly what was running through that mind of his.

"Let's make a tape."

"What?" He asked as I pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Let's make a tape. You, me, our whole family, telling our story. How we met, in which relations we stand," He looked like lost puppy not understanding. "just in case I forget after I'm changed."

A warm but also sad smiled broke out across his perfect face.

"You are reading my thoughts again." He stated as he pulled me closer to him and kissed my temple.

"I don't need to have your ability to know what you think."

My fiancé pulled back, raised an eye brow at me and smirked.

"Humor me love." His butterscotch pools were shinning with mischief.

"First you are afraid that I will forget who you are and what we have." I looked at him for confirmation.

He nodded grimly not liking the picture I was panting.

"That's why the video tape and of cause you will have to remind me and win me back over with that sexy charm of yours."

"Sexy charm?!" He raised a perfect eyebrow at me.

"Well what can I say?" I sighed dramatically.

He smiled up at me for a while before his grin disappeared and he placed a fearful kiss against my temple, his lips moving against my skin.

"Will I be able to win you over again?" Edward was slightly shaking while he asked that.

"You're kidding." I laughed at that ridiculous question causing his body to go tense.

Nope, he wasn't kidding.

My silly, lovable Edward!

I pulled away from him and captured hid face in my hands forcing him to look at me.

"Even if my mind forgets my heart will always recognize you Edward." Once I spoke the words out loud I realized just how true they were. I would without a doubt know that there was something that I could never turn my back on within this wonderful man.

"What if you are going to hate me someday for having to live this kind of life? I mean it's not like you have a choice anymore." Again fear was swimming in his golden pools.

He held his breath as if he was expecting me to realize that he did something terrible to me and was expecting me to...…honestly I had no idea....run away maybe?!

I realized on thing, though to my great displeasure, my Vampire was starting with the whole self-loathing thing again. But oh no, he wouldn't go there. I wasn't about to let him.

"Edward I want to become a Vampire. It is the life I choose. I know I never talked about it but in Forks...…..well we had time and here now it was just all so perfect and honestly I didn't quite know how to start the topic." I sighed.

"But what changed? I thought hell would freeze over before…"

"You were gone for seven years that's a lot of time to think and just now when you were sick all doubts I had left were erased. I just can't lose you and one life time isn't enough. I know I'm being selfish but….."

I put my forefinger on his lips to silence him, he pressed a kiss against my skin.

"That's not selfish it's natural. Only one life time with you is also not enough for me." I smiled at him. It truly was not.

His hand grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand from his mouth and his lips captured mine in a desperate kiss. His cool, marble lips moving against mine warm ones.

Edward pulled me on to his lap. I had my legs on either side of his thights, straddling him. My hands were on his shoulders running down his arms, making him moan against my mouth.

His hands were on my waist. His thumbs slid under my top and stroked small circles on my belly. Goose flesh broke out across my skin, letting me shiver in pleasure.

I was moving against him. My head was bent now that I was placed slightly above him. Our kiss became more feverish every passing second.

My beloved ran his tongue over my bottom lip suddenly breaking the kiss. I was breathing heavily so was he.

Edward put his forehead against my chest growling frustrated I enfolded his head in my arms, stroking the hair at the base of his neck lovingly.

Edward pulled away slowly and looked at me with a heartbreaking expression.

"It is torture not to be able to taste you. To really kiss you."

"I know." Was all I could say before I hugged him to me again.

Carlisle asked us to kiss chastely until he knew more about my condition. He didn't want more venom to enter my body.

Edward inhaled my scent deeply a few times and then his lips found my collar bone. His hands were on the small of my back pressing me into him. I could feel the desperation in his touch. The fear to lose me.

First he was raining small, light kisses on my collar bone and my cleavage before they turned into hot, wet open mouthed kisses.

His hands travelled to the hem of my top, he pulled away from my skin to look at me and silently ask for permission.

I told him so often that he had my permission constantly but he would still ask every time. It was kind of cute really. Just such an Edward-thing to do. I giggled as that thought shot through my mind.

"What?!" He looked at me like a little lost puppy. I just wanted to snuggle him up against me and never let go.

I shook my head, smiling at him and of cause I granted permission by lifting my arms in the air. Edward slowly pushed my top up exposing more and more of my skin until nothing of the fabrics covered my torso anymore.

With my top gone he lightly touched my bra tracing the outlines of the lace with his fingers. One of his hands was on the small of my back while the other explored my front.

With one quick movement that I briefly noticed my bra was slowly sliding of my shoulders. Edward's eyes lit up and a stupid gin plastered itself on his face like every time he saw my bare chest.

"They have gotten bigger." Edward stated amazed.

"What?"

"They are bigger then yesterday and your skin is a little bit paler."

Edward mumbled while being completely captured by the sight of my breasts in front of him. He blew his cool breath over my perks making them stand at full attention in an instant and me shiver at the sensation.

Satisfied with his accomplishment he carefully pulled one of my perks into his mouth tracing the outlines with his tongue.

I arched my back against him, pressing my body into him and moaned as his cool tongue made contact with my hot skin.

Suddenly his mouth was not on me anymore and he sighed frustrated. His forehead was pressed against my chest again.

"Carlisle wants to go to the hospital to make the tests now." He growled frustrated. At that I sighed as well.

"That's quite a buzz kill McSparkly." I groaned out loud, pouting.

Edward looked at me puzzled. I just shrugged my shoulders, climbed out of bed and went to our walk in closet to get dressed.

Arriving downstairs Alice was standing in the hallway a smug smile on her lips.

"McSparkly I like it."

"Who is or what is McSparkly?" Edward asked confused just as Carlisle and Esme arrived.

Alice, Esme and I had a smug smile on our faces while the guys looked puzzled between the three of us.

"McSparkly it does have a nice ring to it." Esme stated amused. Carlisle looked confused at her, slightly pleading with his eyes for an explanation.

"Grey's Anatomy." Alice chirped.

"Isn't that some kind of soap?" My Vampire asked looking thoughtful, probably trying to place it.

"Meredith has McDreamy, Lexie has McRomeo or McSteamy if you want and Esme has McSparkly." I smiled at Edward.

"So I'm this McSparkly. Do I even want to know?" Carlisle asked, laughing, shaking his head.

"Don't know about that but you should know that McSparkly is Anna's, Rose's and mine Mc name for you while Esme has her own one." Alice chirped happily and mysterious.

"And that would be?" Carlisle asked looking at Esme.

"Doesn't work that way Carlisle. The Mc person has to earn the privilege to get to know the Mc name." Carlisle getting the hint looked seductively at Esme.

My poor mind reader groaned.

"Can we just go to the hospital? Please!" He pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to try to calm himself.

"Sometimes I wish I could bleach my brain." He grumbled under his breath.

Carlisle cleared his throat and made his way outside after giving Esme a kiss on the tip of her nose.

I locked my arms around Edward's waist and kissed his cheek. He sighed and gave me a strained smile.

I stood on my tiptoes and whispered into his ear.

"If it helps you may want to think about what we will do after the tests are over."

I blew my breath over his skin, making him shiver before I took his earlobe in my mouth and flicked it with my tongue.

I heard him growl lowly and I ran to the car Edward hot on my heels, letting me win. I was glad that the atmosphere was somewhat light, still, and not completely angst stricken.

I hate hospitals. I hate hospitals. I hate hospitals. I hate hospitals. I hate hospitals. Oh did I mention that I hate hospitals!?

And that test odyssey once again reminded me of this fact. Why didn't I complain again? I should have tried to run. I must have temporary lost my mind as I agreed to this.

After what felt like an eternity at the hospital, where I behaved like a good little girl, we were finished with the tests and Carlisle send us home. He needed time to get the results.

In this night I didn't really sleep well and I could feel my Edward being restless and worried out of his mind. I knew trying to smoothen him would be pointless but I still tried as good as I could.

When I woke up after a night of a peace deprived sleep Edward told me that Carlisle was done with the analysis of my tests.

"So what's wrong with me?" I asked as Carlisle, Edward and I were back in Carlisle office.

"As far as the test go I can tell you that the venom reached your brain. Normally only a small part of the human brain is actively working while the rest is resting but in your case the parts that shall be resting are becoming active. Like the brain of a Vampire."

"Well at least that explains why Edward doesn't have to tutor my in maths anymore." I joked hopping to ease the tension but failed completely.

"What more?" Edward asked tense sitting next to me, holding my hand securely in his.

"Her senses are getting sharper." Then looking straight at me Carlisle continued.

"It's just a little for now you won't be able to make a difference but your senses are above the human level. Like I said just a little but I assume it is a developing process. That's why you didn't notice it till now. It happens slowly and you have time to adjust...consider it as normal." Carlisle looked at his papers and was thoughtful.

"How long?" One might think Edward forgot just how many words the English language actually has.

My poor Edward he sat there in the chair next to me, holding my hand and was tense and anxious and worried out of his mind. I squeezed his hand to calm him a little.

I could understand his distress if it would have been him I would be worried to no end. I had the better end of the deal Vampires couldn't get sick.

It was unfair really. He always had to worry about me while I...…. well as long there wasn't a Werewolf around or another Vampire nothing was going to happen to him.

Carlisle sighed and looked older then the twenty three years he was. He looked intensely at Edward who grew tenser with every passing second.

"Carlisle, stop blocking me," Edward barked curtly at him, my Vampires eyes narrowed at his father.

"I'm sorry Edward but I can't tell you how long," Carlisle spoke in a dull voice while choosing his words carefully.

"What are you keeping from us?" My fiancés words were pleads now. He was desperate to know.

"Edward and Anna please try to stay calm. We will find a way." He said in a deadly serious voice his expression grim.

Edward squeezed my hand, holding it as firmly as he dared. His body tensed once again even more then it had all the other times before while he was heavily breathing in and out trying to keep his temper under control.

I grabbed his hand in my free one as well and rubbed my hand over the backside of his. Edward turned to me and I could see anguish, pain, desperation and naked fear swimming in his dark topaz pools.

It broke my heart to see him like this and to know I was the reason for it. I needed to be strong for him. He needed me now more then ever.

"Shhhhh...it will be fine. I know it will." I smiled calmly and encouraging at him.

It was strangely easy for me to say even though I should have been out of my mind with worry and fear but I guess after everything I went through until this point it was just natural for me to be calm as strange as that sounded given the circumstances.

Edward looked into my eyes for a long while before he swallowed, nodded his head and placed a kiss on my forehead before he was able to turn back to face Carlisle.

"What is it that you are hiding?" Edward asked our father with his eyes closed, preparing himself for the worst.

"I asked Alice what would happen if Anna would be bitten." Judging from his expression whatever Alice saw wasn't good at all.

"What would happen?" Edward spat the words out his jaw clenched awaiting the verdict.

Carlisle closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he answered.

"She wouldn't survive."

O.K. that was quite a blow even for me. My mind began to spin but before I let myself dwell on what I just discovered I rather concentrated on Edward to drown the emotions out that were building inside of me.

Could a Vampire suffocate? Because my poor Edward looked like he was. He blanched if that was even possible as Carlisle spoke the words. I squeezed his hand to give him some comfort.

His head snapped up and he looked at me with an amount and an intensity of pain and anguish in his eyes that knocked the air out of my lungs.

Carlisle looked heartbroken at me for a short moment before he silently left the room leaving Edward and me to have some privacy.

XoxoxoxoX

After a silent ride home that took way longer then it normally would have we were back in our bedroom. I was huddled in Edward's arms as we rested on our bed. The entire situation did drain me more then I first thought.

Edward was rubbing small circles with his hand on my back. His lips were on my forehead placing light kisses every now and then.

I could nearly hear the wheels in his head turning as I was tracing the features of his chest with my fingers.

"What are you thinking about?"

"That's my line, isn't it?" He teased softly a small, sad smile in his voice.

"Your point?"

He put his finger under my chin and lifted it so I was looking at him. His eyes were boring into mine but they were guarded and sad.

He was taking his time to find the right words. Unsure and careful he voiced what was on his mind.

"I'm sorry!" His expression broken.

"I know it's not enough...I….should have…..I.." He was struggling with the words and to keep his voice even.

"Shhhhh," I placed my finger over his trembling lips to silence him.

I sat up he mirrored my movement immediately. Facing each other I smiled at him while reaching for his hands.

"We will be fine Edward. Alice can see me for another year. We still have one year to find out and we will." I told him not missing one beat.

"I can't lose you." He choked out.

"You won't. I'm not going anywhere." I looked intensely into his liquid golden pools. His face was still pain stricken.

Edward reached his hand up to cradle my face in his palm. I leaned into him, touching his palm with my lips.

"Set me free." The words were a desperate, broken whisper.

"What?" I was confused.

"The promise I gave you. I can't….. not a second time...." He choked on his words and realization downed on me.

"Absolutely not." I screeched anger shooting through every fibre of my being.

"None will die do you understand. You not and me neither." I glared at him.

"How can you be so sure?" He asked powerless and without hope.

"Because I want forever with you and none better stand in my way. And if death thinks he can have me he will be unpleasantly surprised." I stated matter-of-factly.

A small, sad smile twitched on the corners of Edward lips as he pulled me into his chest.

"I love you so much." He voice trembling displaying his fear of losing me again but this time entirely.

"I love you too."

Edward rocked us back and forth for a while none of us uttered a word. We were just there with each other.

"How can you be so strong? I mean I wasn't really of help. It should have been me to comfort you and not...." A sobs choked him not letting him finish.

"You here with me, holding me and being there for me that is all I need Edward." I gazed into his depths.

Was I scared of the future? Immensely so but I had hopes and I crawled myself to them, not allowing a negative thought to overtake me no matter how hard that was.

"Always," he kissed my forehead.

"Always," I repeated.

We just held each other for a little eternity.

"The wedding. Alice still sees us getting married." Edward carefully smiled against my temple.

"She let you see the wedding dress?!" I asked shocked.

Funny I was ill with a terminal disease so to say and here the thought of Edward having had a glance on my wedding dress was shocking to me.

Edward let out a wistful laugh.

"No, but the wedding. It is still standing and happening like planned." He chuckled a little, shaking his head lightly.

"See it will be O.K. I can't wait for our wedding. I always dreamed of this big white wedding and everything is perfect. I can't wait to marry you." I admitted.

His butterscotch eyes were smouldering as they gazed at me. He bend his head and brushed his lips against mine kissing me lazily.

"And the honeymoon." He breathed against my lips taking curse to a lighter and happier topic.

I pulled back from our kiss and straddled his waist. My fiancé had no t-shirt on and I run my hands down his muscular chest. My fingers were hungrily tracing the toned planes of his abs.

I had to get a hold on myself before I would do something...….On our honeymoon we were definitely not leaving the bedroom, hoping there would be an after the honeymoon…..

Shaking those thoughts out of my head I returned to the task at hand. I rather concentrated on positive things. I knew the consequences should I not survive. I couldn't think about that. Instead I placed kisses along his chest, working my way up, leaving all the stress in the back of my mind.

I reached his neck and licked my way up to his jaw line. He didn't only look perfect he also tasted beyond believe.

Edward purred as I was caressing his skin. Finding my way to his ear I softly whispered.

"Alice again?"

"No just my curiosity," he breathed against the skin on my shoulder.

"That control we have been working so hard on will certainly not go to waste."

His purr turned into a growl from deep inside his chest. I smirked taking his earlobe between my teeth and dragging them across.

Another growl from Edward and I found myself on my back with him hovering over me.

"You are going to be the death of me."

He said in a strained voice before his lips sealed my own again.

"I will never let you go never." He vowed into my mouth.

"Me neither." I promised.