Chapter 1 - The troubling thoughts of Hanuzuki Hanzaki

In this world full of countless influences, evil lurking and residing in the darkness, and the light of hope that dwells inside the heart of individuals have led people's lives into chaos and peaceful days.

Friends, families, relatives, strangers, and nations are being conflicted with each other due to a strong source of influential action in which had caused the root source of its unfortunate series of events and battles of fate, leading them into the destruction by their own body, mind and soul.

From the different situations that people have started with, they have their own problems. At the long run, they may lose their way and are unable to find the answers that they seek, or maybe just confused, but either way, one does not have the right to fully judge someone.

Because of what people believed in, devastating wars had emerged, and up today, they are helplessly suffering and desperately fighting for what they believe are right whether it is for their own selves, their own kin, for the many, or for their country.

Seeking and obtaining power is what gives us the capability to face hardships and help the needy one's yet it may also lead us into our own greediness and doom, and drive our minds to conquer and enslave.

Fools will bring forth the world's destruction while its future rests and lies on the shoulders of the wise.

----*----

♪La-la-la-la-la-la-la Life is- Won-der-ful.

♪La-la-la-la-la-la-la Life is- Mea-ning-ful--- Huh?

Aaaaaahhh!

Oh.... hello there!

Ahem ahem. Mic test! Mic test! 1-2--3!

Yes, Good day!

Uhhhhh... That was quite the dramatic intro, wasn't it? I would really be glad if you had liked it, ahe-he-he.

Anyways, it is really unlike me to introduce myself and be friendly to anyone, but here I go.

The name is Hanzaki Hanuzuki, 17 years old. I live at a hinterland in Cagayan de Oro City.

My country is composed of three main large islands which are Luzon, Visayas, and where the city is located, Mindanao.

My features are--- hmmm. Hmmmmm~ Let me think for a while.

Well, I am just an ordinary average looking guy (in my perspective) with having a short black hair because of a hair cut policy in my school. Height is 164 cm and weight is 52 kg. I am not the buff type of person, but I do a minimum level of workout to keep myself from being a weakling and in order for me to help myself gain confidence with a strong body and mind.

When looking closely at my eyes, it would appear all black, but once shunned by a light, it would turned out to be chestnut.

As for my parents, my mother is a pure citizen of this country and while my father was born coming from a Japanese bloodline.

Come to think of it, having the family name "Hanuzuki" sounded quite cool though, and it is all thanks to my great great grandfather who decided to lived here many years ago and thus passing down the family name. Thankfully they had a lot of males on the family tree, making the chances of the family name going extinct to be lessened.

Well, it is not that we are the only ones who have this kind of last name though, probably.

And also! I have a little brother with an age gap of 6 years.

Unsociable, shy, quiet, and antisocial. You can describe me in anyways that is related for being an introvert.

I am the social and thinking type; however, my goofy side would show out once I'm with a good and trusting friend.

I guess most of us are like this, right? Though we rarely meet people whom we find comfortable with, for the introverts that is.

And as for my education, I am currently studying at Liceo U for my 11th grade and I just transferred from my previous school in Junior High.

The thing why I transferred is because I'm pursuing business which is the reason why I chose the ABM strand (Accountancy, Business and Management) and have gone into this University.

The place is quite far for me actually, and I always do a double-ride routine to go back and forth.

I sometimes got late because of it. Believe me okay? It's just sometimes.

It is July in the current month, and surprisingly for a loner like me and without having the intention to take the first step, have made some friends.

Seriously, I planned to be on my own for the whole two years. It is unbelievable right? But that is the perk for being someone like I am.

I guess trauma made me like this? Nah, I think that is just exaggerating. Let us just say that I had a bad experience, but I don't know exactly. I was not like this before when I was still a care-free kid, and I'm not quite sure of my reason yet it is probable. More or less, a lot of things had happen before and I have my own doubts.

Moreover, I was just an energetic and a friendly child back then, though I admit I am quite shy, but I wanted to socialize for something new. But more importantly, listen to this... I think it's where I had my first day at school--- at an official school, not a day-care or something.

Yet to be honest, I just transferred at the school from my day-care center on the day and the vibe was kind of different.

Okay… here we go… 1, 2, 3… Action!

A cold sweat has dropped and my heart races as I set foot inside.

The diffident 'me' whose anxious eyes were restlessly wandering around has been overwhelmed by amazement upon seeing the energetic little children who were rowdily playing all over with their noisy laughter that enveloped the entire room.

Wow…Their numbers have struck me with the room that was awfully messy.

Some of the kids were dividedly sat into groups while busy drawing and coloring books, playing with their toys, and talking fun stuffs to each other.

Their bright smiles made me jealous, leading me into a decision on joining in their activity.

I want to have fun too, you know.

Mustering up the courage and stepping forward with guts, I stopped in front of a group who were playing circles.

"Hi! Can I join you guys? My name is Hanzaki" With a low tone and a bit of nervousness I asked.

Yet on the other hand, the playful little children continued to ignore, or maybe they were not able to hear my request, yet I was eager for a reply and so have decided to wait for a little longer.

Luckily after a few seconds, a boy has stopped and eyebrows were up high from wondering.

This is it! The most awaited part.

My body temperature rises out of joy for finally being noticed, and despite not having friends back at the center, maybe this time wouldn't be the same any more.

And with this, it could be my debut for getting an actual friend but, little did I know what could happen next at that time.

My eyes had gone wide out of excitement and were fixed on his mouth as it started to move.

His lips spread and tongue showed out as he pronounced the first letter of the word and lips moved pointed forward during the second.

"NO!"

"Eh?"

And just like that.

My fragile heart was shattered like a broken glass, couldn't bear accepting the truth.

With a straight face, the kid blurted it out without even considering my delicate feelings and had swiftly retreated to play.

My whole world was shaken as I moved away like a zombie walking side to side with a dead fish's eyes.

Because of what just happened, I haven't dared asking the others and was just quietly sitting on a chair like a lone wolf enduring the pain.

In the end, the poor "me" was just secretly letting out tears while covering my face with a book.

And furthermost, that was the first rejection (from other people) of my life, and it wasn't even romantic!

Well… So that is just all to sum it up though I had managed to get some friends during the middle of my elementary days.

Just thinking about it makes my blood boil--- Nah I'm just kidding, and it doesn't matter to me anymore.

Well… just a bit though, yet still this isn't that bad. My current friends are really nice although sometimes they acted full of their selves, but it wasn't that bad and alarming.

It is also an advantage for me to have an interaction when it comes to study, but I doubt they would even take it more seriously.

Yet at least I do now have a helping hand; however, my lone time has been deliberately decreasing during these days.

Going with them over here, over there, and everywhere!

An introvert my friend, needs a lone-time for at least ninety percent of the day and it doesn't matter what he's doing in the meantime.

Well… that's just for my case actually.

Moreover, it's only been two months since the jump start (start of school) yet we have already treated each other like one of our own brother. I guess that's the bond you'll get, and mostly is the common culture.

It is not what I was expecting, but things turned out to be just fine.

Now! I know that you've been wondering of what this is all about don't you?

Of why is this "Hanzaki" guy was suddenly introducing his self and of what is he trying to say in the first place.

Well you see… currently I've been seeking for answers.

For the past seventeen years of my existence,

I have gone through a lot of hardship in life in which I don't know any more if those that happened are normal or not, or maybe we can also call it the "new normal".

The world just keeps on evolving don't you think?; always bringing something new whether it would be beneficial or harmful to a certainty--- but going back to the main.

Additionally, lots of contemplations about my experiences have been made, thoughts that one shouldn't be bothering to think much of it of an early age.

I have become restless from knowing and uncovering the truth, yet I do not have the capacity to fully do so due to being stucked in this horrid state of mine which is keeping me from the limitless opportunities while consuming my entire existence with depression and anxiety.

Slowly but surely, my life has been messed up greatly.

Hey, how does it feel to be in a loving and caring family?

Do you feel motivated all the time?

Does life seem to be fun for you?

Do you not have many worries and troubles at all?

Have you ever felt neither anxious nor depressed?

Whether to how many obstacles and trials in life would come, they would always be there for you right? Or so it is what I would like to say.

Obviously not everybody is the same, nor are their circumstances in life too.

But isn't the family's purpose, specifically our parents, foster parents, and etc., to nourish and guide their children?

In the first place from considering in getting married and having a family, they should have already readied themselves of the responsibilities right?

But no, not everyone is like this, and more likely nor it would be in the future.

Instead of building, they are the ones responsible of why our whole-self is crumbling bit by bit; people who half-assedly take responsibilities, taking things in life for granted. Like for example, the job as a police officer should be a role model to the society.

With their acquired authority and reassuring presence, they should be keeping the people's safety in place.

But nowadays, some are getting full of themselves. Using their position to their own selfish desires and without even considering thinking of what the true purpose and essence of their occupations is.

And yet at the end, judging them will do no good. Complaints for justice are all we can do.

Even though the adults too have their own past and in which whatever the reason were they may be holding throughout these past years, it wasn't that simple. They are still humans as well, just like us, but the aftereffects would still remain.

The logic is easy; be responsible of your actions and live with no regrets, or do the opposite and suffer from the consequences until your death.

So if things would actually go wrong in your life, what would be left for you?

How would you be able to continue living your life the way it supposed to be? Or the way you wanted it to be?

And how would things go for you in the process? In which is really dependent on the decisions you're about to make, hence the situation you've been under.

But do be careful, for evil is already a part of us; a part of human nature.

You might turn a wrong path along the way.

The people, the environment, the society-- are potential influences.

So what do you do?

Do you just move on your own to play safe?

Whether it is a yes or no, then do you believe in the saying "no man is an island"?

Basing on the sermon of the 17th century English Author John Donne, people do badly in life when they are just on their own and not meddling with others, or a part of a community.

It's already a given when one is born into this age where technology is abundant and life has been much easier than before, and the saying does apply in the current and even in past situations, but the possibility of the isolation of one to happen is still there.

One may struggle but can alone still live on by his/her own.

In this world, you need knowledge to be able to survive, and not just any knowledge, facts and truths which are coming from our predecessors who experienced and done it, but getting these is not just limited from us people.

It is up then to the person who possessed great knowledge to continue his or her life however he or she wants it to be, whether he or she would continue to follow the path of light and hope, or fall into the hands of darkness... but at the end, I would rather hope for the former.

Phew~

Well then, have you ever heard of Jason Mraz's song which is entitled "Life is wonderful"?

This was the song that I sang just a while ago.

♪La-la-la-la-la-la-la Life is-- Won-der-ful!

♪La-la-la-la-la-la-la Life is-- Mea-ning-ful!

I for one would agree that it is indeed beautiful, but the same goes for the opposite too.

It is cruel, meaningfully cruel.

Because of unfortunate experiences, my mind has ventured into the depths with questions popping out about as to what, when, where, why and how.

Back then… and 'till now…

I smiled, laughed, beg, kneeled, and cried.

I was happy, joyed, in pain, was hurt, felt useless, was anxious, and was depressed.

I got punched, got kicked, got hit, got shouted at, got humiliated at, and got embarrassed at.

I got furious, was frustrated, got doubtful, and got full of it.

I want to escape, want to flee, want to be free, want to be stronger, and want to start anew.

The things got me insane and mad, yet I didn't hate, and more likely I don't want to hate.

Despite the dreadful past, I want my life to be something better, because it was the

beginning when I feared him.

With all my heart I trust him with not depending on my own understanding.

Though I am ignorant, I will seek his will.

I will try, for I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

For someone who yearns world peace, justice for the right and wrong, and a tranquil life, I became restless yet helpless because of my ignorance.

In this world, One must seek Wisdom...

… For life's Battles & Survival.

… And for whatever that lies ahead...

... The expected, and the unexpected.