Windows of The Heart

Chapter Thirty-Six I REMEMBER YOU NOW

Rielle, having thought of the passport, and her other vision flashes opened up.

"Mom had shown me the blooded purse I had with me during that fatal car accident, Chul. And inside that purse was a passport also stained with blood. Could you tell me what that passport is for?" made a probing question to Chul.

"Passport stained with blood? Your mom kept that as is for the longest time?" Hwan was puzzled. Rielle looked straight into his eyes, searching for the truth as she waited for Hwan's honest answer. Hwan sat before her and talked.

"Before our graduation, we already made plans to work abroad, so, after graduation, we worked here in the meantime to get some experience. And after a year, since we had already gained a little experience here from our former jobs, you as a Secretary and I was in the Marketing Department of the same firm, I asked my brother if we had a chance to work there in Singapore where he was based. He agreed to help us find a job and settle there. So, I offered you to elope with me, and you agreed. I helped you get a passport, and because we planned to elope, I asked Mang Ben to help you keep your packed clothes hidden in his house until you have completed packing your things. And when we were both ready, we planned to go to Hongkong for our first out-of-the-country date, then fly to Singapore, where my brother Hyun-Ki was waiting for us. The bad thing was, I forgot about my passport, so that evening, I went home to get my passport having you tag along. It could have been successful if it weren't for my dad's sudden presence at home." Hwan Chul paused for a moment, observing Rielle as if making a reaction puzzling him. Rielle stood up, pacing back and forth, clasping and twisting her hands as if trying to recall something.

"Go on; I'm catching up. Rielle was pleading. Far did Hwan Chul know that his memory had already opened Rielle's mind, and she was able to put the pieces together to make her vision clear about the memory of her past with Hwan Chul. She listened intently.

"Dad met us in the living room hallway and scolded me because I came home late. He said that Chun-Hei and her parents were planning my wedding with her.---" Rielle cut him.

"And you refused to argue with your dad, then he turned to me and asked who I was, and you came to me and told him I was your girlfriend you chose to marry," Rielle added and continued Hwan's story while tears fell down her cheeks.

"Your dad was so angry, having insulted me in front of your dad's guests, calling me a gold-digger, right Hwan?" Now Rielle was crying profusely, feeling the pain that marked her heart.

"And I was so hurt, feeling like she stabbed me with a knife when that girl told me straight to my face that you, whom I trusted, betrayed me! You cheated on me, yet you profess your love and want me to elope with you, despite your cheating? Is that why you like us to move abroad, not because you want to marry me, Hwan, but because you are running away from your responsibility for that girl? It was true, yes, Hwan?" Chul was in a desperate hot seat and did not know what to say.

"But that's not even in my thoughts, Rielle. I never cared for her; she was so obsessed with me that she always took the opportunity to be at my side during crucial times when we quarreled. I tried to stay away from her, Rielle; God knows how much I tried!" Chul was so helpless in defending himself.

"During our college years and until our jobs, you cannot escape her? You're lying, Chul. You want your cake and eat it too; that's what you are! You fooled me to the extent that I almost lost my life with you!" Rielle was thinking more of the right words to say.

"Do I deserve your love? Or shall I say, do you deserve my love and trust, Hwan Chul? I wish this part of my memory about you had never returned, because it hurt me until now, until this moment! And I hate you for coming back to life!" Rielle kept on crying in anger, and Hwan tried to soothe her. He embraced her, asking for her forgiveness.

"What's the use, Chul? Everything that happened between us was all but memories, painful memories. Maybe that's why I cannot find you in my memory because you triggered it!" Rielle stressed in a blaming tone.

"Rielle, why do you think I survived my comatose? Even if my mom didn't pull the plug, I would still die, imagine, for a year and a half, I was there lying in my hospital bed unconscious, but I was given a second chance!" Hwan was trying to convince her. "to make things right, to make things right for us both, Rielle. When I recovered, I was still in a helpless state, and I almost wanted to give up. I even thought of committing suicide, but because my memory of you made me fight to live and be strong again, I resisted because of my love for you." Both Hwan Chul and Rielle kept on weeping. The two recalled each of their hardship to recover.

"After my therapies, I wanted to come back, but my doctor said I will not survive that easy because my brain cells slept for a year and a half, so I have to read and memorize, do workouts, and exercise my brain by working on puzzles, scrabbles, and browsing books about Marketing because my dad wanted to get me back to my feet. So, I trained and worked in our Head Office in Korea, and when I felt it was time to return, I implored my dad to assign me here, in the Main Office, with my brother. They didn't know my plan, and I never let anyone discover my actual plan for my return here. My parents thought that I had forgotten everything about you, about us. My mom even thought that you might be dead. If you were dead, I told myself not to stop finding you; I can still ask for your forgiveness even at your grave. And although I don't know where and how to start to search for you, I always pray that fate will let us meet again. And so, it did! I was so more than happy to know that you are alive, Rielle. And I thought that fate had been kind to make us meet again. And I was so grateful that you were alive and became more beautiful than ever! Here we are; Destiny gave us this second chance, Rielle." Feeling hopeful, Hwan Chul held Rielle's hand, waiting for her reaction.

Rielle did not remove her stare at Hwan Chul. She was searching in his eyes, assessing her deep feelings, searching for his sincerity and honesty, but only doubt and confusion hovered her entire being. The pieces of her lost memory were complete now, yet, she could not find the true feeling she once had for Hwan Chul.

"It is not easy to say you're forgiven nor forget the past because our past once had destroyed us, Chul. It could be difficult for me to return the pieces, and have found you in my memory only left a scar, bitterness, and hurt." She hesitated for a moment and continued to express her feeling.

"Looking at you now-- only gave me the feeling of pain and brokenness. Healing the past would take time, Chul, but do we have that time to heal?" assessing her thoughts, her tone was of bitterness and regret. "

"For your part, yes, time healed you. Your wounds and body had healed already, and your memory was never damaged; but how about me, Chul, was I healed? After the pain, suffering, and hurt you inflicted on me, I want to ask you, do you think I was healed? If you can give me a good answer, then maybe you can help me heal with time."

Rielle turned away from Hwan Chul, wanting to leave. All she kept in her heart and thoughts was the memory of Hyun-Ki, but then she felt she was losing him too. Now that she has resolved her problem with Hwan Chul, can Hyun-Ki take her back? He hated her now; much more, she was a disgust to him.

Rielle returned to Nancy to tell her about her leaving but promised to come back for a visit to her home.

"Rielle, have you resolved your issues with Hwan Chul?" Nancy was anxious to know.

"There's still something missing there, maybe an acceptance of forgiveness from my mom? I'm not sure if Hwan Chul can do that. And I don't even know if mom can forgive him." Rielle in a doubtful tone.

She was looking at Nancy. "And about us? There's nothing else there, Nancy. I'm sorry." Rielle said with bitterness. In Nancy's mind, she thought that she loved Hyun-Ki that much that there was no more space in her heart left for Hwan Chul. Or perhaps, still hopeful, time can heal her pain.

Hwan Chul returned home, devastated by Rielle's revelation of her feelings about their past together. An air of melancholy hovered him. In his thinking, maybe he can still get Rielle's forgiveness and accept him as a friend.

He has to do his best to make amends with her and will not stop even if it could hurt him.