4.

I truly believe that everyone has their addiction. Whether it's a person or not, they find themselves falling slowly at first, and then all at once. I hadn't realised how much I craved his attention, until I was going days without receiving it.

And at first it was Sam's attention that I craved. I fought so hard for him, for us. I really did. But one can only do so much, especially under the watchful gaze of those green eyes from afar.

It had been a week since the tense conversation on the field. In the beginning, I could not stop thinking about what he said - and what hurt the most was that he was so right. The uniform wouldn't suit my body - I wasn't shaped like other girls. I had curve and I had a chest, and the mere thought of a group of girls succeeding to throw me about in the air made me laugh. I hadn't the ideal frame for this stuff. On top of that, I wasn't very active at all. I tried so hard to reconsider - to get Sam's attention some other way. Any other way. But around the middle of the following week, when I had run out of back up options, I decided to follow my initial gut instinct. It was a bold move I know, but I had to give it a go.

For Sam.

It was a Friday afternoon, and the sun had decided to come out briefly. Since I had the day off, I decided to drop by the field one more time, and push my luck with the coach. Thankfully she was there this time, along with a group of giggling girls which intimidated me at once with their perfect figures alone. This was a bad idea, a really bad idea. But something was drawing me in. Perhaps it was my desperation to show Sam I could be spontaneous, and so could our relationship. Perhaps it was the boy with green eyes, whom I wished to proved wrong, just for the fact that he had made me feel like I wasn't good enough for this. I knew I wasn't - but he didn't need to know that.

"Coach Williams? Hi, excuse me. I just had a couple questions for you regarding cheerleading practice for the next semester? Is this a bad time?" I rambled on, and was greeted with a funny look from both her and the girls she had been talking to.

"Sure, give me a minute," she responded, and picked up her water bottle, placed her small hand on my shoulder and led me away from the girls, who were now whispering to one another, undeniably making fun of me, for sure. But I couldn't let that get to me. I came here for a reason.

"Are you looking to join?" She asks me, and I look down at my feet, a bad habit for when I get nervous and don't exactly know how to respond.

"Well yeah, I thought it would be a fun extra curricular to fit into my schedule, and if I'm going to be honest, it would really help bring up my fitness levels."

"Are you a first year?"

"I am, yes. I know seniors usually dominate these sports in college, but I'd like to try my luck. I guess I just really need a change, and something that will challenge me."

She pauses and looks me over for a moment, before giving me a sympathetic smile. Perhaps I could be pitied into acceptance after all.

"We've come up short on numbers this year, and we've tried to recruit seniors since the initial drop-outs started in September, so I'm considering giving you a chance. I must let you know however, that this season's games will start very soon, and so you will find yourself to be behind the other girls unless you practice in your own time too. If I let you join us at practice from now on, I expect 100% focus from you, especially since I believe you haven't had previous experience in cheerleading?"

"No."

"Great. Out of desperation for fill ins, I will give you a uniform and slot. But remember, it's nothing permanent yet. If our original girls return you will be benched during the games but still be expected to show up, in case there occur any injuries or someone couldn't show up for whatever reason. For now you will be taught the basics, and be given a minor position while we let the others do most of the work."

I couldn't believe this. Is she really considering -

"Is that understood, Miss -"

"Addison. Dove Addison."

"Okay, Dove. Practice is tonight at eight. I expect you to be there 10 minutes early for a quick debrief, and you'll also be handed a schedule showing when we have practice and when the games will start. Any questions?"

"No ma'am. Thank you for this, I really appreciate it given how late in the semester it is."

"Don't mention it. Also, word of advice, I wouldn't let the girls get to you. Cheerleading naturally attracts very fit, very critical and judgemental girls. This is a team effort sport as much as it is a competition for them. I'd appreciate it if I didn't have to worry about petty teenage drama whilst trying to teach a session, okay?"

"Of course."

"Great. See you tonight at eight then."

What have I gotten myself into...