1.

DOVE'S PERSPECTIVE

I laid staring at my digital on the dorm room night stand for what felt like hours; watching the minutes go by, and awaiting the obnoxious sound of my alarm to go off, indicating the start of a new chapter in my life. Sam and I were ready for this, I knew we were. The little voice in the back of my head kept telling me that I shouldn't rush this, that we are still young and anything could go wrong any minute - and looking back, maybe I should've listened, or maybe I shouldn't have. I couldn't tell you if I'd rewind time and take that decision back, or if I'm content with the events that led me to my new life eight months down the line. Eight months. I had everything planned, everything. Only for it to turn around and slap me in the face.

"I am going to miss you you know, even though you've been nothing but a pain in the ass for me for the past month," Lilian giggled, as I embraced my roommate goodbye and packed up the last of my things.

She wasn't exactly a compatible figure in my life, and perhaps one of the reasons why I chose to move out of my dorm in the first place - her and I were completely different, and so our clashing personalities didn't aid the late nights I'd have to wake up to her bringing home guys and pretending like I could sleep through it, or the early mornings she'd casually drop in and I'd have to hold her hair back as she threw up the memories of last night in the toilet. Although a freshman like me, she had different ideas of fun - not that I consider my obsessive studying habits and round the clock library trips fun, but that's just how I was wired. No one could convince me to take a night off and party, not even Lilian. Aside from her wild personality, we actually got on pretty great. She tried and tried to get me to have fun for the first month at college. She'd tell me insane stories about older seniors she'd meet at these frat houses, and how college life catches up to everyone, and that sooner or later I'd have to face it - but that just wasn't me. Sam understood that, and moving in with him would sort out numerous issues - for starters I'd have more personal space, my own desk where I could revise as to avoid rush hour at the campus libraries. But most importantly, I'd no longer feel the pressure of excusing myself every weekend there was a new party, or a new drunk stumbled into our room. I'd have liberty, and I'd be sharing a small apartment off campus with the love of my life. For once in my life I was making a decision that was purely my own, free from the judgement of either one of my parents, although that was probably thanks to hours of discussion and reasoning with them on Sam's parents side. We were ready. Until we weren't ready at all.

As Sam parked in the driveway nearest my dorm I hugged Lilian goodbye one last time, promising to stay in touch. She wasn't in any of my classes, but I didn't want to completely cut ties with her - despite everything, she wasn't a bad person. Sometimes I questioned whether this rebellious side to her stemmed from something much deeper, but it wasn't my place to act on my curiosity. I wasn't one to judge people on poor life choices, and especially troubled pasts, and while mine made me obedient and good, hers made her perhaps want to mirror these traumas and live freely when she otherwise couldn't.

I stepped out and was greeted by an overly excited Sam, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling equally as good about this. As we drove the short drive to our apartment complex, I watched the campus disappear behind us, and at last it really kicked in just how real this move was. Sam and I had both gotten accepted into Seattle Central College over the summer, after having graduated from high school as straight A students. I was proud of us, and I liked that we achieved milestones together - it gave me a sense of belonging, something I so desperately wanted and needed to continue to feel. We moved a month into settling at college; it was the beginning of October, and after both deciding that the dorm life just wasn't doing its justice for us anymore, we left our roommates behind and looked into prices and availability for small studio apartments nearby. We didn't need something grand - just a small space we could call our home for the next two years. Our home. The beginning of my story - a means to an end.