CHAPTER TWENTY: I AM BOY NATHANIEL

I AM BOY NATHANIEL

Salut à tous. Bienvenue dans une nouvelle caractère, me. I feel so pleased about everything in particular. "Hmm, this is it isn't it? Pleasure."

'Veronica Siphoned, thank you.' I give her a bow because I am so grateful. I won't have achieved anything if it wasn't for her. I let my arms touch each other through my fingers. My arms lay above my head as I fell to the floor on my knees with my eyes faced down. I get up a few minutes after. I am that grateful.

Still, on my knees, I say

'And there we have it checkmate.' I stand uplifting myself from where I knelt. It felt like I finished praying. I can't hold it anymore, this laughter. I still laugh like I am crazy dragging my feet yet lifting them. I trail myself to where I locked up Laylah -- where I threw her to be precise. It feels fun, all of this.

I can't help it still. I unlocke the basement door and let myself in. Laylah sits there on the bare floor staring at me.

A thought came through my mind "I shouldn't be doing all of this, should I be? Have I forgotten my purpose? Have I forgotten why I set out for Siphoned?

I kicked the thought out as soon as it came in. I am doing the right thing?"

'I'm doing the right thing!' Unknowingly, I said it out loud.

'Eh?' Laylah can't even wait for me to finish talking and she already replies. 'You're doing the right what? All of this, you think it's right?' Again with her sarcasm. I miss someone by my side. Nagging me but I can't fall for that.

"No! I'm no more Nathaniel. I'm not Nathaniel."

'I am boy Nathaniel!' As Siphoned calls me. The boy with the blank look.

'Yes, yes, say it out to make yourself believe it. You know this isn't right. You know you're not to turn out like this. He wouldn't have liked that. And you know that deep down you still do because you're still you. You're Nathaniel, the great, the good. Are you going to throw it all out? Cos of her? Cos she took from you what she wasn't supposed to? Eh? '

I say nothing to her. I can not be sweet-talked. I know what I am doing. I hold back the tears that wants to trail down my cheeks. My eyes hold it back forcefully. I hold in a sigh. I move my torso to the left then my whole body. I let my back face Laylah. Even when I still resisted, it let its way out. I clean the drops with my sleeves. With my right hand, I clean both cheeks. I let out a sigh followed by a cry that turned into a smile.

I hold back the urge to give in. I man up and turn to face her again.

'Sit.'

I tell her to sit on the chair I gave Siphoned when we arrived her at first --the fine mahogany. She sits with her eyes wide open. Cute like a puppy. "I shouldn't be doing this to the person I thought of as a younger sister? Should I? I haven't strayed, have I?"

I still fight back the tears trying to make their second grand entrance cos I knew if I let it I won't be able to hold it in.

I sit leaning towards the right of the chair cross-legged. Mother says we should exhibit manners. 'A man always regardless of strength should possess integrity, manner, kindness, softness. Leave the hardness for your wives.' Mother was wise. We missed her, Mathew and I. We talked about how we missed her a lot before all of this. Before Siphoned took everything. Long ago when Laylah, Mathew, and I were together undisturbed.

' Now I have to figure out what to do with you cos you're useless now. My goal was Siphoned and I have got her now. You need to go. You need to be eliminated. So choose how you'd like to die.' I say with a shaky voice but still strong and fierce. I am not falling for her talks again.

' Do you want to be cut open or butchered ?' I get up from the chair I sat right in front of her. I go to the table. The large table of tools. I say the above after I got to the table cleaning my nostrils. Catarrh came out of it against my will. I lean with my full weight on the table with both hands after taking a look at the sword-like knife taking my gaze back to the butcher's knife. '

'Or do you want to be burnt? Alive? Ehn? Can't you hear me? Can't you speak !' I still say it with my back facing her. I can't bring myself to face her. I've gone through roads that can't be turned back from. I set out for this and I must finish it. My utmost goal is one. And is Siphoned.

I let out puffs of air.

' It doesn't matter anyway. Just go. Not to your parents. If Siphoned knows you were missing I won't be able to protect you. Go and hide somewhere safe. Come back after everything has died down.' I clean my tears and I continue. 'I've set out for the worst path possible even though I lose my life on this, I am going to achieve it.'

I turn to face her and she is beaming. Like she knows I can't do it? Like she knows a part of me still exist. She nods in affirmation to what I said. She gets up to leave but as she reaches the door she calls out to me.

'Hey Ethene. Let's go there sometimes. You and me.'

I make my eyes shift from the chair she sat down before which has now turned empty to the door which she stands by. Her words are always comforting. She is the same age as Mathew. In the same class with Mathew. She is always wise. I say in return in a calm almost sad voice. I still have the cry in my throat. I can't break down in front of Laylah for her sake.

'Aucun problème.' M'y French accent is still here. It isn't going anywhere I guess. I had to hide my accent behind an English one. Cos of that same person, Siphoned. "Will she remember me? Will she see the resemblance? I guess not. She couldn't see it before."

I can see that Laylah manages to not cry too. I smile in return. And that is it. Laylah has escaped, finally.

'Siphoned is next.' I say with a strong face. My cry has hidden somewhere. I feel a surge of energy as soon as I had her name on my lips. I scoff as I face the wall. 'You, just wait.'

WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?