chapter 19

Tiana ¶¶¶

I stared at my feet, fighting the tears from falling. My lips were trembling, hands shivering and trying to hold on to each other, my legs automatically shifting from one one foot to the other. My head was swelling and eyes burning from the unshed tears. All I wanted to do was claw at my ears, beg it to stop hearing the sounds they were making, gorge out my eyes so I wouldn't have to witness the wickedness displaying in front of me. My ears felt like it was being baptised with the most unholy sounds in existence, my tongue could almost taste my own bile. The pain wasn't just gnawing at my consciousness, it was chewing up my mental stability and emotional strength. I was losing it, almost passing out from watching another woman sit on and exchange flesh with my mate. It was ripping me apart, especially when I could feel his desire and enjoyment. He was enjoying what she was doing to him; kissing, touching, using her tongues to work wonders on him. I shouldn't care because I never wanted a man in the first place, but he was my fucking mate!

I can't keep watching this... I sobbed mentally... I'm going to pass out Halona, I can't do this.

You are going to stand firm, don't let him get to you... Her voice reflected mine, filled with pain, bitterness. She was me after all.

I raised my head and looked at them one more time, he was on top of her now, moving and moaning. My hand flew to my mouth, holding in the sob. My lips were bleeding from how much I bit it, my tongue tasting like bile and blood. Tired of everything, I rest on the door, eyes closing as darkness slowly called out to me.

Snap out of it Tiana! Remember who you are!

Her shout did wake me up, but didn't stop the pain. Holding my chest, I could see from the corner of my eyes that he glanced at me. Oh, how easy it would be to reject him, spit on his face but then, Giselle and the others, I couldn't let them get involve in this. Finally! The torture finished, they were done. They got out of the tub in their towels, kissing as he carried her out of the bathroom. I stood at the door, refusing to leave. He threw me out of his way, the throw sending me to the sink. I bashed my head against it, tumbling to the floor and hitting my head again. I felt him shift with worry and panic but he fought the urge to come to me.

'Don't die on my floor, go out and die,' was his wicked uttering. 'And clean up your blood off my expensive property.' He left me there to bleed to death. That did it, I remained on the floor, letting all the tears I was holding go. I cried my eyes out, kept my voice down but still cried. My head was bleeding, it didn't matter because he didn't care. I washed it off, cleaned the blood and walked out of the bathroom, heading straight to the door, ignoring what they were doing on the bed.

'And where do you think you are going?' Mabel asked.

'Let her go,' the devil said coldly. I didn't wait to hear anything, I walked out of the room. I found my way out, ignoring the surprised look of everyone I came across. I had blood soaking my tank top and shorts, I was already dizzy from losing so much blood. Of course they knew their alpha did it, only he had the right to hurt me after giving the orders not to.

'Good gracious!' Freya, one of the nice she-wolf exclaimed. 'Did Alpha do this to you?!' I nodded positively. 'Mommy Renée isn't home, I'll take you to Taylor,' she rushed to me and ran me to the pack doctor. I had become a frequent patient.

'What happened to her?!' Taylor exclaimed in shock. 'She's losing blood! Where's Mercy!'

'Alpha did it,' Freya said hatefully. 'After doing so much to get her to eat and gain blood, he is doing this...'

'Enough Freya! Remember who you are talking about with such tone.' Taylor snapped. Taylor cleaned the wound up, put me on drip and sedated me. He couldn't get me any pint of blood, my blood type wasn't something you would see in blood banks or amongst people. My blood was rare. I had to eat to regain my strength.

I woke up early at 4am, feeling like the world was collapsing on me. I was hungry, tired, broken, shattered, flustered, miserable; it felt like I was dead. I removed the drip from my body and stood up wobbly, swaying dizzily. My legs started moving, I just wanted to move, just wanted to die. I kept walking, just walking until I found myself at my new oasis. I collapsed at the bank of the river, keeping my hand in the water as I stared at the sky with emptiness.

This feeling, it's destroying you Tiana, remember who you are. Who are you tiana? Who are you?

I gathered all my strength and forced myself to sit. I had forgotten the training mother gave me because of a man; don't think, don't feel, don't let it show and they won't know. I inhaled and crossed my legs, breathing lightly. I closed my eyes and meditated, shutting out everything and all emotions I had developed since I came here. Even if I was mated to him, I won't let him see me fall anymore.

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I stood at the table set in the garden for Lucian and Mabel. I stood like a real servant, not caring about what they were doing. He seemed to forget that I was the same walking corpse he brought from her village.I was back to the walking corpse. He had been trying rubbish for three days but I wasn't paying attention. He insisted I came back to work when I returned from the oasis, disregarding Taylor's warning about my health. Though it was still breaking me, I didn't let my emotions flow when I was with him. All he got from me was emptiness and it was frustrating him. Instead of watching them share a bed, I thought back to my mother, our time together and how much I hate Lucian for killing her. If there was any emotion he felt at all, it was nothing than my bitter hatred for him.

'tiana' he snapped. I rolled my eyes to him, an apathetic expression on my face. 'Pour more wine for me,' I bowed. Respecting his order, I walked closer and picked up the bottle of wine. I was pretty much aware of his annoyed stare. I diligently poured more wine for him, dropped the bottle and stepped back. 'Goddammit!' He cursed and glared at me. 'Get out!' I bowed like a toy, turned and walked out on him. I walked straight to find Carina, I needed to hug someone.