Moving on

As I look at this child, I just smile, no matter what happens, he is worth it. I just hold him in my arms wanting to give him everything. This tiny person in the few minutes he has been here, he has made me ever so happy.

I just stare at Zero, who is watching this little baby as well. I see the awe written all over his face. He touches his toes and fingers just amazed at how tiny he is. How much he looks just like him. There was no denying it was his child Which I have to say, I was glad since his mother was being a real bitch before. No matter how nice she has been in the last few weeks, I will never forget some of the things she said to me. All she has to do is take one look at this baby and know it's her sons. The eyes alone are a dead giveaway. No one else has Lavender eyes. It's very rare.

"Zero, I know, I said we should pick an American name but now that I see him. I want him to have your name. I know it may cause some teasing in years to come, but maybe we can just call him ZJ. There isn't anything different about that. I will leave it up to you though. " I say.

"I was thinking the same after seeing him. I can't believe he is mine. He is perfect in every way. I want to be here for him always." Zero states.

I just smile at him wanting the same. Hoping that no matter what occurs in the future, he gets to watch this little boy grow up into a man.

Zero gets on his phone and calls his family letting them know that the child was born. I also call my daughters letting them know that their little brother is finally here. Zero's parents come to the hospital to visit. His mother just looks at the baby and smiles. Never mentioning her worries that she had before. She just holds him and is happy like the rest of us. When we tell her we are naming after him, she is very excited and happy about that as well. Understanding why we would call him ZJ. She likes it and thinks it's cute. Zero Jr. That way he has apart of his father. Being proud to be a Kiryu. Which his mother also liked that I was keeping it Japenese. I wasn't Japenese that was another thing, I thought for sure she would have said something about. She just surprised me not saying it to my face. I am sure Zero heard about it many times. How he should stay in his culture. He just seemed to take everything in and let it go. He was happy with having all his family alive and safe. He also knew if it wasn't for me, that would never be.

In many ways, he was stuck in a rock and hard place. Which is normally how it is with in-laws. Some get good ones some get ones from hell. It's a gamble. Then so is life.

After a few days, I get to go home with my little tike. Who I am just in love with. I never thought. I could love someone more than I love Zero, but this little guy proved that wrong. I just adore him. Not that I don't my other two children. I love them with all my heart. This was just my last, I am planning on doing everything, I didn't get to with the other two. Plus, I'm older and a little wiser and with a man, I love dearly. It was special all the way around.

Once home, Zero is all over the baby, giving him special attention. He loves to feed and rock him. He just spends hours holding him. It's a wonderful sight to see. We give all our attention to this little baby. In a way, I am glad Joel was being an ass. This way it's just us as a family. I don't have to worry about my girls being left out or feeling bad. It's just Zero, me and the baby. Giving us time to just be us, which we never really are. I knew things would go back to normal next week when Joel let the girls come home. Then it was there turn to take in the little guy. For right now he was all ours.

As time goes on, the baby gets bigger. The last few months flying by fast. Zero went back to work after two weeks of staying home with us. It was weird once he went back. I stay home now and take care of the little one. Zero prefers it. Not wanting to leave the baby with anyone except me or his mother. Who just dotes on him. Things have calmed down and we turned into a regular family. It was what I was hoping for. Zero comes home from work and we sit down as a family and have our dinner. My girls telling about school, Zero about work and me about my day. It's regular and calm. Just the way I like it. I have noticed, that When Zero has the time he reads the manga. Finding out a little more about his former life. He hasn't gotten to the point of Yuki turning yet. It's taking him time to get through it. Where when I read it, it took me no time. Yet, it wasn't my real life flashing in front of me. I see some of it bringing him down. I am sure he relived where his mother and father were murdered. I am also sure it brings up the times he spent with her. Which only makes me feel bad.

One night after dinner, Zero sits down on the sofa to read some of the Manga, he is at the point where she turns and leaves with Kaname Which I See flames coming out of his head.

"Zero, if this is going to make you upset, maybe you shouldn't read it. It's not just a story to you. It's your past." I say.

"I'm Fine. " He grumbles.

"You don't seem fine. You seem pissed. She still gets to you." I snap.

"Yea she does. How could she just leave with him? Leave me and go like that. I will never understand it." Zero says.

"What did it matter now if she did stay? You're here with me. I guess if she didn't leave with Kaname, you wouldn't have come here." I say. Getting up and walking away.

"Babe, Please. I didn't mean it that way. "Zero replies.

I don't answer him. At this point, I am tired of worrying that he will change his mind and leave me. That one day, he will wake up and want to return to her. Its something, I will always live with, even after the birth of our son. I still fear it. Him reading the manga and getting pissed doesn't help my cause at all Just makes me wonder even more.

Zero follows me upstairs to bed, trying to say that he is sorry.

"Babe, look I can't help how it makes me feel." Zero states.

"You still have feelings for her, maybe its too early for you to read this. Maybe in the future. Not now." I respond.

"I want to know what happens. I want to know it all. What would happen if I didn't come here." Zero answers.

My heart falls to the floor. I just try not to let him know that.

"A lot happens, Most you won't like, and it's not the way you think," I respond.

"She married freakin Kaname, doesn't she? She stays with him!" Zero snaps.

"No, I don't want to explain it through how I saw it. I do think its better if you read it yourself." I answer.

Not wanting to say Kaname died, not like that made you rid of him. She still cared about him and took 70 years to go with you and make a family. And that damn pureblood/ hunter crap was in your way but you got the girl and then died. Her giving her heart to Kaname in the end, still wanting him, and feeling she needed to leave her children to give him life.

I keep all that to myself. Not sure how he would feel hearing any of that. That he did get her, even though it wasn't exactly in the best way. He still was with her for years and years. Just getting Kaname's seconds.....No matter how I would explain it, it was just better he read it himself and took from it what he needed to. Not my opinion or anyone else's. I was biased. I felt he deserved more, A lot more.

"I will do my best not to get upset while reading the rest. I need to know what took place. I am finally at the point where I left. Everything from here will be new for me." Zero answers.

"I know this is hard for you. I just want you to remember even though for you, it's real, it's really just someone's story. It goes the way they want it to. What we have here right now is real."I say.

"I know." Zero replies.