Thought it was love

That night I did take those drugs ,and for the moment they helped . When I woke up the next morning I hated the feeling I got. When I woke up my troubles and sorrows came all flooding back . So I remember calling my brother ,he told me never to do that again ,and I listened to him . I did not use that coke anymore . He couldn't come because the said he was helping mom out ,I didn't even want to know what was wrong ,I was still too bitter and mad .

Life with Lewis was a bliss for the first two months . He treated me like glass that is why he broke me so easily . I was a queen .He would wake me up every morning with breakfast in bed ,run my showers and gave me the privacy I needed . He would take me shopping every day to get my mind of things , read me a long boring story each night just so I can sleep .He would stay besides my bed all night ,just to make sure I kept warm ,and to give me a tight hug when I woke up screaming and crying .

When he was high he was ten times loving and funny . I enjoyed being around him ,felt safe and loved . I was slowly starting to be at ease ,he made everything alright just by being around . He came home every day with sums of money ,I was busy enjoying spending it to question him about where it came from . He always had a gun with him ,but told me it was for protection since Jo'burg was such a dangerous city .

He prophesied his love to me ,made me believe I did not need my family ,I had him and death would only set us apart ,but I didn't know how true that was . I used to go to counseling sessions and he would take me . They really helped ,and the talks I had with doctor Houton were good . Nate made me realize that I was actually a survivor ,not a victim . I was getting better . Until one day Lewis just stopped me from going o therapy , and hanging out with Nate .

He changed out of nowhere . Became someone I did not know . It started off by him getting jealous of Nate ,he got mad anytime we were in public and a man approached me . He started putting out rules for me to follow ,as if he owned me . Forbidden me from communicating with my brother . He would come back from his "work " furious and he would curse and swear all night .

It all changed ,we were passed the honey moon phase . When I went out without telling him ,he beat me up that day ,I woke up every part of my body was in pain. I forgave him thinking it was a mistake . I know now that by forgiving I was telling him it was okay for him to carry on laying his hands on me . One night he tried to have sex with me but I was not ready , I woke up in hospital unconscious beaten into pulp but still I didn't fight back ,I was too well and vulnerable and he knew that .

It's had been eight months staying with Lewis ,and living with the abuse ,I was used to being his punching bags . That day it was my birthday the 29th of August . I woke up prayed to God that he is in a better mood . But I had learnt how to cope with him ,it was simple I never did anything to upset him . Unless those nights he wanted to get some ,one night I gave in stripped of my clothes and lay on top of the bed. The moment he got on top of me and started kissing me ,touching me, I broke it off before it got far because I was not ready ,and he hit me .

I woke up that morning went to the mirror and luckily the bruises on my face from that other night were gone . His beatings helped with something ,the nightmares were gone because I stayed up all nights scared of what he may do . I was afraid of him and what he was capable off . I took a long hot shower because it helped with the pain . I must say I missed my brother and was worried about my mom ,last I heard she was really sick ,but I couldn't bring that up to Lewis .

Moving on after my bath I got dressed and went to the kitchen there he was looking so pretty ,but his capabilities were beyond his beauty . " My love ..Happy birthday ,I made you breakfast " he said whilst he pulled out a chair for me .I faked a smile sat down and ate . " You must look pretty, I'll be taking you out to lunch ,and movies ... You know what might happen after that " he told me that and kissed my cheek . Every time he came close to me ,in would just close my eyes and pray . There was one thing I knew one day he was going to be the end of me .

When he went out ,I reached for my phone and called my brother I missed him so much ,and I needed a way out of that hell hole . I called him ,he was so excited when he had my voice ,and he told me everything happening in his life . He sounded so happy and he was living his youth while I was stuck in this dark place without no escape . He could hear through my voice that I was not okay and he had to ask me " Baby you don't sound good ,what's up ? " .

I just broke down and after some time I told him everything ,he was so hurt and angry . He told me he was coming to get me , he was taking me back home ,and I didn't know if that was possible . "What's wrong with mom " I surprised myself by asking that question . He was silent for some time ." Mom is dying Lorna ,she has cancer and only a few days, that is why she wanted to see you so badly " he said those words and began crying . I was shocked , and I actually felt hurt . We didn't see eye to eye but she was my mother .

The door creaked and I hanged up the call . He just looked at me " who were you talking to ?" He asked that coming my way . I just kept quiet I was still digesting the fact that my mom was dying . He grabbed me by my hair and I screamed in pain ." I was talking to my brother ,it was just Lwandile " He couldn't hear a word I was saying . I tried to push him away but he was just too strong .

In was crying and begging he did not care . He pushed me into the couch and he threw punches at me I was covering my face until I had no power .I went crashing to the floor but he is not care he kicked me on my stomach so many times I lost track of count . When I was laying there bleeding and groaning in pain ,I just whispered " Happy 29th Birthday Lorna " . He left me there and went out . I had to clean up the mess before he got back . I went to bath so I could stop the bleeding ,wore some comfortable clothes ,took a bucket and went on my knees to wipe the floor . After I was done I sat on the couch and the door opened ,he came and knelt next to me " Baby I'm sorry ,I didn't know what came over me " .