Giving this life thing another chance?

I was shaking not because I was cold but because of fear . I couldn't remove my eyes from that moving train . I was so grateful to Lewis because I almost made a mistake . I sat there couldn't stand up . I was lucky l didn't pee myself or even worse . I got my breath back and calmed down . When I looked up Lewis was just there, holding me tight in his arms . I have never had that except from my brother .

In his car driving home I was still silent because of shock . He just drove played some music .My hands were on my tummy this whole time . There was no way I was going to be a mother . Who was the child going to look like ,what was I going to tell it when it grows up . I know I was going to hate it and what if I ended up hurting it ,I just couldn't . It seemed like Lewis knew my thoughts ,he removed his hand from the gear ,and took mine into his hands , and he looked me straight into my eyes .

The car came to a stop and he gently wiped my tears from my eyes ." It's my entire fault ,you hate me I know , but when you need me I'll be there ." He said those words and I was convinced he meant them . I also came to my senses that night I was the one in the wrong ,so it was unfair to hate Lewis for that . " I don't hate you ,at least now that you saved me from myself " I said those words and got out of the car headed to the house . Aunt Phindy was on the poach and when she raised her eyes and saw mow she just ran into my arms .

She came out of the kitchen with some water for me to drink ." you had scared ,that note, what were you thinking ? " She sat next to me ,brushing my hair and gives me kisses on my forehead . " I was ready to do it ,but then Lewis came at the right time " I told her while she had my head on her lap . She really took care of me .

That night I did not have nightmares ,because I never slept a wink . When Lewis called I told him about the dreams and sleepless nights ,he stayed up all night talking to me ,just to keep me company . I got the chance to know more about him . He told me he was an orphan, but he was not suffering . He worked hard for everything he had . He did have a nice car ,actually there were two . I asked him how he got all his wealth ,he just replied " I make ends meet !" .

I woke up that morning ,a whole lot better compared to how I felt yesterday . When I went downstairs Aunt Phindy was ready for work but was skeptical leaving me alone . The doorbell rang and I went to get it ,it was Lewis ." I couldn't let you be alone , so I brought food to last us for the entire day .Aunt Phindy went out " Sihle will be coming to stay here for a few days ,hope you don't mind " she said while blowing a kiss towards me.

Of course I minded ,having a strange unemployed man in the house with me , but I just nodded . Lewis stayed downstairs while I showered . He was so understanding ,respected me and made me feel that safe . Having him there was good for me . He actually made me smile , something I had forgotten . Ate all that fattening food with me ,without thinking twice .He taught me to live again ,without considering myself as a victim ,but a survivor .

The day went by fast ,and I was starting to loosen up . I still had one problem ,the baby . Lewis assured me I should decide what was best for me ,and no matter what he will be there for me . He gave his entire attention to me .That was the first time I spent time with a guy ,who was not a friend . When the afternoon came he had to work ,but promised to call me . I didn't even freak out when he hugged me ,because he cared and was there because of my safety .

When he went out I called the Doctor setting up an appointment ,I was going to do that abortion . Lord had to forgive me ,but that was best for me .There was no way I was going to keep that constant reminder of my rape ,Hell No ! While I sat on that couch watching television ,something funny came on and I actually laughed . That I owed it to Lewis he just showed me I still had enough life to live .

I had voices of people laughing outside ,I went to open it was Aunt Phindy with Sihle . He had a lot of bags for someone who was planning to stay a couple of days . When Aunt Phindy was with Sihle she cared for nothing else in the world . They got in kissing and hugging. I just excused myself and went up to my room . She came up with my dinner and to check up on me . I fell asleep instantly after eating .

Woke up next morning and I was not feeling good at all , racing to the toilet every minute . Aunt Phindy was already gone and Sihle was in the couch only in his under wear . " Morning sweetness " he said that with a smirk on his face , that just rubbed me up the wrong way . Having him around made me feel uneasy . Lewis came by and he took me out ,for some food before going to the doctor .

I couldn't do the abortion since I had eaten .I was rescheduled for the beginning of the next month ,that would give me enough time to make up my mind . He took me to the park ,carried my shoes on the other hand and held my hand on the other .He made me feel special and loved after the whole ordeal . After I was raped I felt so filthy ,but he made me see myself differently.

whilst walking in the park, I then remembered the whole ordeal on the railway. "How did you find me?", he looked confused. "What?" he asked as he stood looking straight into my eyes. "That day, h, how did you find me by the railway?" I asked in a low tone, still very ashamed of that day. he smiled, as he looked down. "Ever since you beat me up they day you came back from the hospital, I would park a few houses away from your place, trying to gather the strength to apologize". I was surprised and had no response. "So when you went out towards the railway, I followed you and I am glad I did", he said that holding my hand and leading the way as we walked.

"I am glad you did" I sad that in my mind.