A better bad mistake

From Anthony's apartment, there is no where that I wish to go. I do not wish to go home nor do I wish to go back there but I cannot wander the streets of London alone. That is not safe for myself and so I must decide where I am to stop and compose myself. That is when I walk past the Bridgerton home, and so I sneak around the back to see who I might find. Depending on who I do bump into first of all depends what I shall do. Daphne, I shall speak with her. Eloise, I shall let her speak at me. Colin, I am not sure but if I am to find Benedict, I suppose I shall consider whether he wishes to finish what his older brother started.

I do not bet on finding the unlikely duo of both Eloise and Benedict, who are sat on the swings with a cigarette in hand and who quickly attempt to distinguish them when they see a figure walking towards them. Of course once they recognise it is only myself, they return them to their mouths and Eloise holds one out for me. "Delilah! And where have you been out so late?"

"Do not be so silly, she is here to see me of course, eloise." Benedict teases and offers me a short beaming smile. "You are no longer wearing your corset. Where did that disappear to? You have only walked from the ball to here, have you not?"

"You cannot have possibly lost it along the way." Eloise joins in as her brother teases although I am quite sure she shall not understand what the suggestion is.

Benedict strikes a match and holds my face as he lights the cigarette that I keep in my mouth, shaking the match quickly to distinguish the flame. "If you are looking for Anthony, he is not here."

"I am well aware of that. I have seen far too much of Anthony tonight."

He widens his eyes slightly, glancing to Eloise and putting on his loud and authoritative older brother voice, the one Anthony has perfected with such ease. "Eloise Bridgerton, it is time for you to return to your bed."

"I-"

"And make haste! Mother shall know you have been smoking if you do not move quickly." They pull childish faces at each other before Eloise does do as she is told and retreats into the house, leaving me alone with him. "What has he done, then? Tell me what a fool he has been."

"He invited me to his apartment and I suppose I was the fool who decided I should actually attend. I arrived and we began to... well, I am sure you are aware. Then there was a sudden knock at the door and he told me I must hide upstairs. When I eventually came down to discover what was taking ever such a long time, I found him with his hands up another woman's dress." I raise an eyebrow and take a drag from the cigarette, breathing it out and sitting down beside him, allowing myself to sigh. "I am not upset because it is Anthony, I assure you. I am... merely annoyed that he felt he could make such a fool of myself."

"He asked you to hide upstairs whilst he had another mistress? That is quite absurd behaviour. I should not believe anyone could be quite so scandalous and especially not my older brother." I can see that he is suppressing a chortle for he does not wish to upset me. But he cannot do so any longer, chuckling and covering his mouth. "I am sorry. I am ever so sorry, it is not you. It is how entirely bizarre your situation seems to be, my lady."

"Whatever does that mean?"

"Well you are quite clearly enamoured with my brother. You say it is hatred and you may say that all you wish but it is not. You both do not understand how to express emotions and so you feel you must do so in nasty retorts and scowls when truly you wish only to be in the same room alone together so that you might have a chance to rip each other's clothes off." He raises an eyebrow and lights himself another cigarette, tilting his head back as he breathes outwards. "Tell me I am wrong."

"You are wrong."

"If I am ever so wrong then why is it that you wished to see him tonight? If you only wanted someone to spend the night with then you are presented with a multitude of choices, myself in particular. You chose Anthony for a reason, Delilah."

"Because he offered."

"I have offered many times."

"Yes but you..." I sigh a little. "What do you wish for me to say? That I am in love with him? That shall never be true. I perhaps liked him more than I should have done but believe me, I do not feel that anymore. I should have known that the sideburns were trying to warn me of something." I snatch his cigarette from him as he protests and it becomes my own, I breathe deeply in and then out, shaking my head. "It is more that he has made me feel like an idiot."

"You are an idiot for going to see him. I am a much better bad choice." Benedict continues to be suggestive but I do not think I could follow through with such. Not right now, anyway. "You should move on, Delilah."

"With you?"

"Well, yes but that was not my thought. I do not wish to marry, not now anyway. You would be one of the least objectionable suggestions, though." He smiles and nudges my side which makes me sway ever so gently, leaving me vulnerable so that he may steal back the cigarette. "Perhaps you should genuinely consider all of the dances that you are offered tomorrow. It should do you well to find someone else, take your mind from Anthony. He is good for nothing. He does not deserve you, tonight surely shall have proved such to you, Delilah?"

"You are correct. I know." I sigh a little as I rest my head gently on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me to keep me stable and warm. "Thank you."

"You do not need to worry whatsoever. I am always here if you feel as though you wish to talk. I am as bad as Lady whistledown, a true gossip when I am in private."