Chapter 5 - A Sudden Struck 4

"Rius?" Mom calls.

I was in a daydream thinking about that night at the bench that I always go to and was brought to a hotel by that handsome whom exudes the perfectness of a man.

Then a thing was about to happen between us! it was about to happen between an omega and alpha! he was also hot and large down there to be sure he doesn't lack anything from the way he was dressed in a black tuxedo and black pants he was just handsome wearing those clothes.

"Rius?"

Not only that! his eyes were glowing aquamarine! I know that it was kind of rare for alphas with eyes that can change eye colour during the process perhaps a heightened sense of pleasure or exposure to the scent of an omega. His eyes were the aquamarine colour the reflection of the ocean waves of summer, the very fabric of gentleness and hotness. An embodiment of being of a chosen child. To be frank don't they share the same voice with the man on the hospital? doesn't that mean they're the same person? Or am I daydreaming again?

"Rius!" Mom shouted.

"Ah!" I flinched in fright with her sudden loud voice making my reality comes back with me escaping my delusional world of thoughts.

"Couldn't you hear me?"

"W-well I'm sorry I was just lost in thought as all"

She sighed "You should sleep early tonight as well you have a tough day tomorrow since it's the second day of you being in school"

"Yes i understand"

"I know you were frightened of what happened today but I think you'd be safer this time" She smiled.

I tilted my head as to how much unrealistic her words can be in this situation that I were brought upon and why is she so sure about me being safer?That means something

has happened in my back? I'm unsure so continue eat my adobo with curiosity on this tea I spotted not actual tea but an info!

But what actually disturbs me was this feeling that I have someone ready for me of course I'm talking about my arranged marriage. I finished eating my food and I thought of someone that I will marry in the future since I was placed in an arranged marriage but I couldn't help but think of that man I met again and again.

"Uhm about the marriage" I said nervously.

"What about it? is there something wrong with it?"

"It's because... well"

She was quite there was silence that were being created like it was a question meant to be better off in the far future was I mot right to ask questions about it?

"It's true that it was kind of hard to make a choice in this life for me it was my choice to make that for us nor it was a choice to be ignored easily I couldn't bring it up that much to you as well as your mother...even though it was an opposition to your will or choice in life however it was the most best choice I have in my life to make it was the only reason to kept you alive, I'm sorry" she said as if she were sad about it.

I averted my eyes to her I shouldn't think that she was not a great mother when I was little and even now. I think it was the safest choice she had it was an offer and it was an opportunity for her but I guess I wouldn't feel what she felt the only thing I could do is only understand and feel pity for the burden she carried until now. But the real question lies within me.

What if I fell in love with that man instead of the one I'm getting married to? what if I broke up with him and get together with the one I'm supposed to marry? wouldn't it be a hurtful experience to me?I couldn't muster it all what is even love?what is it's true meaning? what I can only say to now is that my mind goes to him almost in a constant continuing to discern about the clues of love that is blooming in my life.

"Okay,Mom"

"Hmmm? does this mean you're going to marry him in the far future?"

"Well if things go well that is if I also meet this man that I'm supposed to marry in that far off future" I said abruptly.

I don't know if I'm even doing the right choice that feel uncertain and I feel like iIwould miss some things in life maybe at least once I should try falling in love with a person yet that act alone would be a cruel thought on it's own.

"I'm not expecting you to answer quickly nor haste things up in your life do what you like the most because I did it myself although mistakes will be on your way like I did but I hope you don't do the same things in your life that I've made to mine because I don't want you to be held accountable that will bring you misfortune"

I feel pity for her, I feel her sorrow, I feel her regrets and I don't know what happened to her before I was born but I witnessed it after the cruelty she had gone through to make it this far as my mom.

"I'll do that mom"

She let out a sigh of relief and smiled "I'll count on you for that Dear"

I nodded in response as I left and put the dishes and cleaned them. Mom was still eating and I put on some shoes to go out.

"Where are you going? aren't you scared of what happened today at school?" she said worriedly.

"No I got some luxury pills from the nurse"

"What?! you got those from a nurse of the school?! Isn't that a bit unsettling for some reason?" she tilted her head in wonder.

"Yeah but I think I should go for some fresh air and my heat Isn't gonna come for me today!"

"Didn't I said you'd sleep early today? are you sure to go out this night?" she asked worriedly.

I nodded "Well you said I'd be fine right?"

Her eyes dilated is that a realization? what did she realize I wonder?

"Alright be safe!" I nodded in response.

I locked the door and looked at the time on my phone it was 8:12PM of the night. I was wearing my jacket the reason being it was a bit cold this time at night I walked through the streets, the houses and restaurants and came to this park that was a haven for myself. It was something I could rely on to tell the truth then I sat on the bench comfortably seeing the playground's swing and a slide for children to have fun but it seems to be late for kids to be sauntering and playing around at night.

Currently I'm living the best life I could ever hope for in this life as I was happy and was satisfied yet it lingers deeply the scar left by my own father.

To tell the past of my life I was almost raped by my own father when I was young it was a dark pasta and the unsatisfactory of life that was meant to be forgotten comes to my mind again.

"Why would he do that to me?" I mumbled.

A force of violence, a frustration in action, a desperation to still cling in life and push the stress of oneself to another being. An act of insanity, a terror inflicting a trauma. My father used his arms to grip me down and stripped me of my clothes.

"Father!father! wait! please stop!" I scream as a child from my memories of him in our house from before. I was facing the struggle of life that can make the memories of oneself tremble from these hideous thoughts that haunt me sometimes.

Like an echo to my head a sound of a never ending nightmare of reality. Life is a nightmare and death is a dream where you can escape eternally it was a trauma for me. I trembled at the very thought of his manhood being shown to me but the more I wanted to remember the more my body trembles and becomes nervous.

"Why?"

My dark coloured eyes started to fall tears out of it they were the symbol of my trauma then i wiped my tears off of my face but my eyes started to cry for more. I couldn't take it all on my heart after all these years of wanting to forget him and it still haunts me to this day but I remember a vivid memory a warmth that saved me that day but i don't what it was that saved me from that pit of despair.

Suddenly a hand held my face upward seeing the man's face again from the night we spent together, his eyes were changing again from the black eyes that were turning aquamarine, the heart that was broken were fixed in an instant and the memories that plaqued my brain that was overshadowed by the pieces of the past, my trembling body all of it vanished in a moment of looking at his eyes directly.

"Why are you crying?"