ch

I didn't say anything, as I followed Stiles inside. I decided to ignore the elephant in the room, as I stepped through the threshold. It's always interesting seeing where someone lives and grew up. If you look close enough, you can see their personalities and memories around their homes. It's no different with Stiles.

There are pictures of him while he's younger with his parents. I can see him covered in flour as he's making cookies with his mom. He's playing with the siren lights in his dad's police car. He and Scott are dressed up as superheroes.

I smiled, as I picked up the picture of them. They look so young, so innocent, so carefree. It's nice. My heart aches, because I know that he'll never have that again, not really. When someone goes through something so horrible… it leaves a person tainted… one can never really be the same again. Everything is always different.

That's life's greatest lie – isn't it? Time can't heal all wounds. It just… makes scars easier to bear. The scar tissue… it'll always be there… aching to remind you of the horrors that you've overcome.

"You wanna go upstairs to my room? I don't know when my dad's gonna be home, but at least this way we won't be interrupted. Not that… Not that we'd be doing anything to be interrupted. I didn't mean that we'd be… you know. I just… We can talk and it won't be… Wow. I'm not making any sense. Am I?" He rambled. I tried not to smile, as I touched his arm and set down the picture frame.

"Stiles – it's fine. Really. It is. We can go upstairs. I trust you." I promised him. Even as the words left my mouth, I was shocked at how sincere they really were. I wasn't lying. I really do trust him… and that scares me.

"It's, uh, this way." He pointed to the staircase, meekly. I suppressed a smile, but nodded. I started upstairs and tried to ignore how comfortable I felt. Stiles' home just feels like just that – home. It feels safe. He feels safe. He makes me feel safe. His hand settled on the small of my back and guided me to his room.

"I like your room." I told him. I looked around his room, as I sat down on his bed. He looked nervous. "I… I didn't mean to… I can't control it. I wasn't trying to get inside of your head. I'm so sorry, Stiles. I know… most of the time when it… when I… it brings up really painful memories. I would never invade your privacy like that, or ask you to relive that. I… I'm sorry." I apologized, lamely.

Stiles makes me more nervous than I'd care to admit. He knelt down in front of me and took both of my hands into his. He rubbed small circles with his thumbs. I couldn't think of anything else.

"Hey, it's okay. I didn't think that it was intentional. Are you okay, though? You're shaking, Bonnie." Stiles asked me and I was reminded of how close he was and how tempting he is.

Another relationship just doesn't make sense right now. I don't think I'm ready for one. I'm not even sure if I want one, but Stiles… he's like the whole other category and I'm not sure what he falls into. He's refreshing, like a blast of long-lost, fresh air. I crave his company. Just sitting next him, not talking, not touching, makes me feel better. I'm not naïve enough to think that my feelings for him are strictly platonic, because they're not. I just…

"Hey, I can literally hear your mind going. You're thinking that hard." Stiles interrupted my train of thought. I shrugged and looked at him, sheepishly. "You're over-thinking things." He told me.

"And you're not?" I asked him. He seemed to weigh my words.

"I'm not gonna deny that what Deaton told us doesn't freak me out, because it does… but I also don't think that it's a bad thing… at least not completely. If we make each other stronger, what's the down side? I dunno, Bonnie. You just… you make me forget how awful I feel every day, for the things that I did when I was possessed. You help me remember when I felt like before everything went to hell. You're… I can feel the connection that I have with you. There's no way you don't feel it. I've never felt like this before." He confessed.

Just like that, he left me dumbstruck. The power behind his words weren't lost on me. It's not like he just confessed his undying love for me, but he just told me that what I'm feeling isn't one sided. Things like that… you can't just unsay.

"I do." I whispered. He peered up at me with wide eyes. "I do feel it. I've felt it, since I met you. It scares me." I admitted, softly. "Everything good in my life… always dies. I… I'm not ready for… I don't want to hurt you or to get hurt. I always get caught in the crossfire. Stiles… I…" I felt tears forcing their way down my face.

I don't know what I'm trying to tell him or why I'm crying. I don't know why my emotions are so raw around him. He's so easy to talk to. He makes me feel free. Things are so easy with him. I don't feel like feeling something for him will come back to get me, later. That's how I felt with Jeremy. I just… I can't help feeling afraid.

Stiles leaned in and kissed me. I forgot all about my inner freak-out and melted into the kiss. I moved closer to him and touched my forehead to his, breaking the kiss. His eyes traveled down to my mouth and he closed the distance between us, again. He nibbled on my bottom lip and I parted my lips for him. As his tongue slipped into my mouth, I felt the electricity flow between us.

It was like someone super-charged the air around us. If we stopped touching, I knew that it would stop. My arms went around him and he pulled me onto his lap. I moved my face away from his to get some air and his lips made their way down my neck. I gasped and felt the electric feeling intensify.

Stiles tangled a hand through my hair and I felt the air around us changing. I felt lighter, like we were floating. I opened my eyes and saw Stiles looking at me. As soon as we made eye contact, everything else faded out of focus. It's like something connected and I felt my memories surface and I knew that Stiles could see them.

This is like nothing that I've ever experienced before. I've only ever had visions of other people… not given them visions of me. I don't know if I should pull away or stay still.

Stiles' grip tightened. I guess that answers that question for me.

By the time things returned back to normal, Stiles wouldn't look me in the eye. I know exactly what he saw and now… I wish that he hadn't. I tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let me. He picked me up and laid down on his bed. He loosened his grip long enough for me to stretch out next to him.

"I know that you said that things were bad in Virginia and I know what you told me… but I never expected it to be that bad. Bonnie… I… You've been through so much." He said in a broken whisper.

"So have you."

"Yeah, but… that? How did so many people expect you to save everyone? That much weight to put on one person isn't fair. I don't know how the hell you didn't break. You're so strong." He breathed. I shrugged. He reached for my hand. "Don't do that. Don't play off what you did. You did some amazing things. You should be proud of that. You saved them."

"No. I didn't. I couldn't save everyone. I have blood on my hands, Stiles." I whimpered. I closed my eyes and hated myself for being so freaking emotional.

"You aren't the only one. Look, I've lost… I think that we've both lost enough to know that we have to hang onto things that are worth hanging onto when we get them. I'm not letting you go. What good would it do us? We can lie to ourselves and tell each other that we're just friends and what? We stay wondering what could have been and miserable because we won't let ourselves be together. Will the world really end if we date? We don't have to change anything. We can keep going slowly and figure out what the hell all of this means." Stiles tried to reason with me.

He's right. I know that he's right. What's stopping us, right now? Fear. I'm afraid. I'm always afraid. I'm so sick and tired of always being afraid to feel again.

"You're right." I told him. "I… This has to be slow. I can't… I can't handle anything else. Everything is still so fresh. I'm not looking for a rebound. I… If we're going to do this, then I want to do this."

"We'll go as slow as you want. That's not an issue. I swear – I will never pressure you for anything or into anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Bonnie. If we do this, I'm all in." He swore to me. I nodded. I took a deep breath.

"I want to. I want this." I told him. "I'm all in, too."