Chapter 2

I was half awake, scrolling down an old, badly designed yet interesting blog site; looking at the photos of carefully crafted dolls some old folk had shared. I moved my hand onto the 'bookmark' button, yawning and stretching on the chair.

My eyes searched for the clock on my room's wall. I found it; however, it was too dark to make up the clock's arms. I turned my laptop's screen towards the wall.

It was almost 2 o'clock.

If I wanted to wake up tomorrow and make it to the first lesson on time, I had to sleep now.

"Sorry, kind lady, I have to leave your blog now... But I will come back tomorrow. I promise."

I shutdown the laptop and closed it, thinking about what I was doing with my life. I had somehow persuaded my uncle to let me live by myself - though accepting his daily visits; but since my parents died, I had never slept before midnight. I knew very well that this wasn't a healthy practice, but I couldn't help myself.

Before connecting my phone to the charger, I turned on it's bright white screen and pointed it at the shelf above me. The lump of cloth which was going to be my first doll was still sitting there.

"Good night to you too." I whispered to the lump. "You'll actually look like something one day, I hope..."

After making sure the phone was connected to the charging adapter, I threw myself onto the bed. My tired body didn't take too long to fall asleep.

- - - - - - - - - -

*beep* *beep* *beep*

My hands searched for my phone, without any help from my eyes. I found it, but before I managed to disable the alarm, I dropped it on the floor. The loud thump was more than enough to get me up.

I slowly dragged myself out of the bed, and got my phone. With sleepy eyes, I checked for any visible damage out of instinct. My phone was fine. Actually, it was probably doing much better than me...

I barely checked what books I put into my bag and left the apartment for school in a rush. I made it on time, ignoring a few red lights on my way.

"Look where you are going! Kid, do you want to die?"

That one angry driver had only heard a "Yes!" in return.

I slowly climbed the stairs to my classroom, and sat on my desk near the rear end of the class. A few people were already here; they were either talking among themselves or studying, except the one who was looking out of the window.

He noticed me watching him. After giving it some thought, he walked to my side.

"Roman..."

I raised my head and looked into his eyes.

"What is it today, Teo?" I asked.

"Look..." he said, giving the impression that he was going to talk about something serious. "I know what happened, and I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to talk to you about it, but please know that I'm by your side."

I didn't say anything back.

"I-I apologize if you are angry about it. I just didn't know what to do to comfort you."

"I didn't want anything."

"Well then, what is this you are doing, Roman? I know you are not doing well, but that's barely an excuse; you've been ignoring me for the last few days completely! I don't deserve this treatment from you! What did I ever do to you!?"

I, again, did not answer.

"I am your best friend, am I not?" he asked.

"You are my only friend really." I said. "Which, I guess, also makes you my best friend."

"This is not the answer- Ugh, anyway... Just give me a chance to be your friend!"

"You are my friend." I said. "I just don't feel like interacting anymore."

"What? Just like that, you are going to cut yourself off from the world? Well, the world won't care and just go on without you; and it will be you who loses in the end!" he screamed. All of our classmates were looking at us with concern.

"You are right." I said, calmly. "The world will go on without me. That's exactly what I want. Whatever this world is about, I don't want to be a part of it."

"So be it." said Teo. "So be it... I am still your friend, but just to let you know, you hurt me really badly... and I will remember that."

He left me alone and got to his desk. I buried my head between my arms and tried to forget about it. All the eyes being on us two arguing friends had put quite a social pressure on me, and I had to get rid of it somehow.

Embarrassment... I wouldn't mind it any other time, but I was mentally vulnerable to everything today.

But there was one thing that worried me more than that. There was an untimely realization echoing in my mind, but one so hard to admit... My feelings for my best friend were diminishing. As the only person I really valued in my life, I would usually be afraid of hurting his feelings, fearing that he wouldn't like me anymore, but this particular day... I had no such feelings.

Today, and the day before, and even the day before that... I was just rejecting people in my life, pushing them away, ignoring them... Something was wrong with me, and it wasn't going to get better.

The lessons passed by, and I paid nearly no attention to any one of them. The only thing I could think of was getting back home and reading more on that old lady's doll-making blog.

I walked home with only the cool wind accompanying me. Since I had hurt Teo's feelings, he of course wouldn't walk home with me.

Just when I got to the street my apartment was on, I stopped and looked around. It was unusually silent, and with the thick layer of clouds above us, dark. I sucked the atmosphere in, which closely resembled my mood.

Maybe it was my imagination, but I saw the street light above me flicker for a second as I did that.

I lowered my head, and watching the ground slip by under me, I made it back to the apartment.