Chapter 37: Soak Up the Sun

Inside the temple, Mr. Sunmut seems perfectly named.

He wears a saffron yellow sleeveless robe as if he's auditioning to be the Dalai Lama. His eyes widen when he sees me. "Mr. … Mr. Thomas. Daji."

I bow low, facing the direction of the sun, my fingers spread out. "No 'Mr. Thomas' here. It's Van. I'm not performing for the staff or the clients here."

Sunmut looks up at me, and I can hear the gears in his mind turning, along with the steampunk life-sized model of the sun that spins inside the main temple. Why they chose steampunk, I'll never know. Maybe they like heat, and steam, and hate electricity.

Rubbing his goatee, Sunmut says, "Why should I believe you? Why would someone like you want to join my movement? Your family is like innkeeper royalty in the mythical crowd."

I smile my best Frank Sinatra or George Clooney in "Ocean's Eleven" smile. "Look, I didn't choose this. Nobody told me I inherited a Holiday Inn Express for gods. But I'm stuck. So, I might as well profit, considering all the pain and suffering. I've been whisked away by djinns, nearly suffocated, had a fire-breathing dragon god torch the place, refereed the Asgard vs. Ancient China match, and other things that you don't even want to know about."

Stroking his goatee as if he's sculpting it, Sumnut accepts my explanation. "Not so easy being one of the wealthy and privileged, is it? Poor baby. Try being a faun. People think we just roam around playing on panpipes all day and it's one giant party 24/7. Not true!"

"I get it. So, you decided to take a bigger salary?" I ask. "So to speak. That's why you're stealing from the inn?"

He snorts. "Please. No one will even miss the paintings, silverware, and vases. You certainly didn't for months."

I take the hit on the chin. "True enough, because I was busy trying to live up to astronomically high expectations. But I figure if I steal from my own inn, maybe, just maybe, I can get out of this enslavement. I never wanted this! I may not be the most successful tech wizard ever, but I'm pretty good."

Sunmut looks me over, then turns to Daji. "And why is the Fox Spirit turning to thievery?"

Daji shrugs. "I'm a bad girl. Haven't you read all the stories about me? I design snake pits and heated torture chambers. Burgling is tame in comparison. Now, are we in or not?"

Pivoting, Sunmut walks past the steampunk sun, through a corridor painted to look like a sunbeam. "How'd you get away from the cops?"

"Threatened them with all my djinn powers I just got," I say coyly.

He nods. "Not bad. Djinns make even the Mythical Cops nervous. Follow me. I think we could all use a cup of sunshine."

I smell incense and feel the heat in the complex. I hear chanting. Lots of chanting. I try to make out the chants, but they're in a variety of languages, both ancient and modern. This Temple of the Sun seems like its own little Tower of Babel.

We walk into the communal kitchen where smiling monks and nuns in robes are pouring tea that looks like liquid sunshine.

"I've never seen tea like that," Daji says, wrinkling her nose.

I pause, thinking. "In the Narnia books—"

Sumnut stops dead. "Could you not?"

"Your name is 'Tumnus' backwards. Sorry, but Narnia references seem appropriate, and you started it. Anyway, in Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when they reach that part of the ocean with all the white lilies floating in it, the water is like drinking liquid moonlight."

Sunmut grunts. "You might as well call me Tumnus, since you know so much, fanboy. And what you're referring to is the sea of lilies at the World's End, where Caspian, Lucy, and Eustace look into Aslan's country."

The monks and nuns pour us the tea. "Is this sun tea?" I ask.

One of the monks responds. "It's the Golden Elixir."

Daji smiles. "Ah yes, the Taoist cultivation brew." She drinks deeply. "Ahhh. That's so good."

I take a sip of the elixir.

Holy …

It burns going down, the way strong liquor or kickin' coffee does.

It feels like I'm drinking the sun. I hope there's no Kool-Aid in this. I'd hate to find out I'm not so immortal as I meet my end in a mythical Jonestown.

The warmth spreads throughout my entire body.

"What is this Golden Elixir?" I ask.

Daji launches into an explanation that I can barely follow. My body is tingling big time.

Mentally, I don't feel any different, except that my concentration is improved.

"Gold, or jin, symbolizes the state of permanence beyond all the change in the cosmos," Daji tells me. "The word for elixir, dan, means 'essence' and refers to the true nature of a thing. So, it's permanent essence. That's what you're drinking."

"Potent stuff," I note. "No wonder everyone here seems so happy."

Tumnus beams, licking his lips. "This is our movement. This is how we'll change the world. And the items we steal from the Wendigo Inn will help fund that movement. It takes a lot to keep the sun turned on."

"Sure," I say, not questioning anything at this point. "So, you sell valuables. You rob from me to bring the gospel to the masses. Makes perfect sense."

"It's all just material stuff, anyway." Tumnus says solemnly.

"Well, it's not particularly valuable," I comment.

Daji catches on, as I hoped she would. "NO. You can't."

Tumnus glances from Daji to me and back again. "What? What can't he do?"

"Tumnus, do you know about the inn's collection of mystical artifacts?" I ask. "Mythical figures, and normies, would pay top dollar for them. Think of what that would do for spreading sunshine around! Think of all the Golden Elixir you could make!"

"NO," Daji repeats. "In the wrong hands, those objects could wreak havoc. The results could be catastrophic!"

"One or two dangerous mythical objects floating around. What could go wrong?" I smile, devil-may-care. "I'm sure Tumnus here would only sell to responsible buyers … right?"

Tumnus looks flattered. "Absolutely. I screen my buyers. I was going to ask you to steal from the collection. Well, it's not really stealing, because the inn is yours. But I have buyers with specific wish lists."

While we've been talking, he's escorted us up a winding staircase to a hallway with locked doors as far as the eye can see. Apartments. He unlocks one of the doors and steps inside, beckoning us to follow.

We walk in and my jaw drops. Piles of paintings, statues, silverware, fine china, and other loot fill the room. And many of them look similar to the missing items from the inn.

Tumnus smiles at us. "These items are the keys to funding our movement, but I'll give them all back IF you get everything on my list." He hands me a parchment scroll with the list of items on it.

I'm thrilled that Daji is playing along, helping me with the sting operation. No way Tumnus could resist such a tempting prize as the Wendigo Inn's collection.

Still, if he does make off with any item in the collection, that would be enough to make even the mightiest gods run for cover.

As I scan the shopping list, I gasp for breath.

This faun is going to get us all killed!