Goodbye

Me and Charlotte stayed at the lake for a while. We sat on a large rock starring out, not saying a word. I was happy that she was there, I didn't expect her to be. Simon was her brother and he should've come first, but this is why I love Charlotte through everything she has always been here for me. She really is my sister. "Right, I think it's time to head back babe" Charlotte sighs. I didn't want to leave but I know had to, I had to face all of this. I went back home or I should say his home and Charlotte went back to Eva's to check on her. I walk through the door and Simon is in the living room on the phone. His face softens as soon as he lays eyes on me.

"Yeah, I'll catch up with you later" he hangs up. My eyes were red from crying I just looked awful. I didn't want him to see me like this, despite my effort to try and avoid him by hurrying to the stairs, he rushed towards me.

"Li? Can we talk?" I nod and he places his hand out in front of me. I take his hand looking up at him, my eyes searching his.

"Simon I.." I struggle to speak

"Baby" his eyes sad full of pain. I did that and my heart was torn that I caused this pain.

"No please let me get this out" I sigh "There's no doubt in my mind that I love you. From the very first moment I met you, you ignited something inside me. You made me feel wanted and loved. The last five months together have been amazing. I will always remember them" his eyes are wide

"I understand why you have to go and I'm not asking you to choose between me and your mission. I am choosing for me and I choose to leave because if I stay I'll be a lot more hurt if....." I didn't want to say it but I'm sure he knew. His grip on my hand tightens.

"I can't be with you not like this, when we were in France I told you I couldn't do this. Be with someone who was somewhere else risking their lives not knowing if they'd ever come back...I can't take it and I need you to respect that. I know that I'm selfish, I want you all to myself I don't want to go through life this way. I'm so so scared Simon" he swallows and nods

"I understand" I tip toe pulling him towards me and hug him tightly. His arms snake around my waist so tightly it feels like he's about to pop me. We stay like this for a couple of minutes. I couldn't bring myself to break off this embrace. It felt like a long goodbye. I slowly pull away.

"I'll move my stuff out as soon as I can, I just need to find somewhere first" I say wiping my eyes

"Don't please"

"I can't stay here anymore, it's not my home" he closes his eyes and opens them again. They were dark and full of pain.

"No please stay, I have to go to base anyway and I won't be around. Stay for as long as you need until you find somewhere else"

"Ok, thank you" I make my way upstairs grabbing some of my clothes and moving it to the guest bedroom while Simon was downstairs. Today could've been the most magical day of my life instead it's turned into a nightmare. I could've been his wife and him mine, my husband. I sob silently into my pillow.

Simon left during the night. Not a word, not a goodbye. He simply packed his bags and left. To be fair what was I expecting? I broke his heart and he broke mine, there's nothing left to say. I kept myself busy for two weeks. Leaving work late, taking on the big projects, making sure I was out of the house as much as possible. I tried to keep my mind occupied but that didn't help. I had this large knot in my stomach, my heart felt so heavy so broken.

On Thursday Charlotte called me to let me know that Simon would be leaving on Saturday at 7:30am. My heart sank at the thought of saying goodbye. I told her I would try and come say goodbye. I didn't know if I could bare seeing him leave.

I wake up at 6am sharp and wash my face. I quickly throw some jeans on and a white T before heading out. As I get at the entrance I am greeted by an army guard.

"Morning Identification please?" his face serious

"Morning" I reply handing my ID

"I'm here to see Simon Matthews" I say my voice trailing off.

"Go right in" I give him a tight smile and drive in.. I could see the army bus and the families saying goodbye. I climb out and make my way through the crowd. I spot Charlotte in the distance. My head was fuzzy. I think this is a mistake, I don't think I'm ready. My stomach was churning. I stop as I see him hugging his mom. His face harsh and serious. No I can't do this. I'll just turn around and go back, no one will know I was here. I don't want to cause any more pain. But it was too late he had already spotted me, standing there still he stared at me like prey. He's dressed in his uniform, he looks so scary and so big and strong. He puts his bag down and walks over to me. I swallow, my throat dry, my heart pounding.

"I didn't know you were coming" his voice rough and serious

"I didn't either" I look up at him "I wanted to see you one last time....t-to say goodbye" he presses his lips in a hard line and nods. I stare into his eyes trying to figure out what he is thinking, his walls were up and his face was nothing but harsh and cold. It hurt me to see him look at me that way.

"Can I..Can I hug you?" I ask, he bats his lashes slowly and grabs my hand yanking me into him. His big strong arms wrap around me, pressing me hard into him. I hug him back, hard too. I could hear how fast his heart was beating. It beat just like mine, out of control and stupidly fast.

"Heaven" he whispers, my eyes instantly tearing at his words. I was his heaven and he was mine but it just wasn't meant to be. We stay like this for a couple of minutes before I pull away.

"I don't want to make you late" I apologise, he shakes his head

"Goodbye Simon"

"Goodbye Lina" he turns on his heels and starts walking away. The pain of watching him walk away was almost unbearable, it was tearing me apart. Half way between me and Charlotte he stops and turns around. What is he doing? I frown. He walks back to me and grabs onto my face pulling my lips to his. His mouth devoured mine. It was as if he was kissing me for the very first time. I kissed him back hard. I love you I love you I love you. I kept repeating in my head. He pulls back and caresses my lips

"Goodbye" his voice sad. I watched as he walked away and got in the bus.

"Li, I'm glad you're here" Eva smiles at me

"I'm sorry to have interrupted" I apologise

"Li don't be silly, you're not interrupting" Charlotte pats my back.

"How you holding up darling?" Michael smiles at me

"I'm okay, must be harder for you guys" Eva shakes her head

"Darling as much as it saddens us that Simon is leaving we have been through this with him before. This is new to you. You and Simon love each other so much, we can all see how this is affecting both of you" she strokes my arm "It's okay to not be okay dear"

We start walking to our cars, Eva and Michael in front of us.

"That kiss" Charlotte whispers in my ear "I think that was just goodbye char, nothing more" I say sadly. I went back home and spent the weekend moving all of my stuff from our room to the guest bedroom. After I moved my things I stood in the doorway watching the room reminiscing about all the mornings and nights we spent in here. The lazy rainy days we'd not even bother to leave the bed. It's all gone