10/08

It's raining again just like yesterday I think to myself as I stare at the window. I look up at the clock and it's 3 am and I can't seem to close my eyes. I've got a lot to do tomorrow because I'm moving in 2 days, and I'm heading to a different country. I'm looking forward to start fresh and happy, Yes Happiness. what an odd word. Happiness is a word that i've been searching for my whole life but couldn't seem to find.

I've been living alone in Canada for the past 4 years. 4 years ago my parents divorced and not 6 months later my mom left me, she said "I've got a lot on my plate right now and I can't deal with you right now, your old enough to live alone" back then I was only 14 years old I didn't know what was really going on but I knew I had to survive. So...she left. When she left, the house was empty and cold. I felt so scared, confused but most of all i was sad because my family fell apart and everything kept going like nothing happened. I never knew what the definition of loneliness meant until i was left by my parents.

Back then my parents owned a really big house because let's say my parents were financially good. My dad was the CEO of a popular clothes brand and my mom owned one of the most popular factory's in Canada in the section of food so we were let's say you can use the term "rich" but for me it was just a word, it didn't mean anything to me.

People say money can buy anything but I never really agreed with that sentence. I had money but I couldn't buy back my family. I always thought that maybe this is a punishment by God because my parents were selfish and greedy and arrogant. They could never lower there heads when they were wrong. They thought that the world turns around them, everything Is about them. But I guess not because look at them now. My mom's been living in Germany for the past 4 years now and i think my dad is still in Canada but he has a new family now....So i've heard.

I'm 18 years old and I've finished Highschool and I'm starting college this year I'm not really excited. I thought I was done with books but I guess not. I'm not really sure what I want to study because honestly I don't want to end up just like my parents. 

let's stop talking about my parents and thinking about the future and start thinking about the present. I really need to get some sleep because coffee is not going to help me get through the day. so I lay my head on the cushion and close my eyes and try to get some sleep. It's really hard to get some sleep when your head is racing with thoughts. I was thinking about what it'll be like living in a new city. It's weird cuz i've never left Canada. It'll be my first time leaving a country.

That night I had the weirdest dream ever. I dreamt that I lost my plane and I had to wait the entire night at the airport so that I could catch the first plane to...wait I forgot were I was heading to...was it Lon- no I think it was Spa- No no no, I got it I'm heading to Korea yeah, that's it Korea. But South Korea to be specific. I'm going to stay with my bestfriend. His name is Jong-Suk. We've been friends for quite a long time now. I've only spoken to him over the phone, videochat but i've never seen him in person. And btw Jong-Suk is only a friend i don't like him like that. But let's get back to Korea.

I know you might be thinking if I can speak Korean, but guess what I'm actually half Korean my mom was Canadian and my dad was Korean. So I'm actually 50% Korean and 50% Canadian. So back to my dream I had to wait at the airport and there was this creepy security guard that kept looking at me and it was really creepyyy but Enough about this dream!!

It's 9am already so let's start moving.