CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 7

Two months later.

I look at Ginger who talks and talks and talks... and then I think of Diane. She should be here with me as we listen to my sister's stories, but she hasn't answered the phone all night.

I bring my hand to my lips to stifle a long yawn. That immediately gets my sister's attention.

"Are you paying attention to me, Thea?"

I shake my head and look down at her lips curved into a grimace of feigned annoyance.

"Sure," I nod, settling my head on my hand.

"What was I talking to you about?"

"About..." think, Thea, think. "About this boy who... boy with the pretty eyes and... kissable feet."

"Why would someone's feet be kissable?" She asks. "That's disgusting" She shakes her head. "You're not paying attention to me!"

"Yes, I am" I insist and just as she's ready to keep fighting, my phone rings.

Hallelujah!

I grab the phone off the top of the bed and signal to Ginger to let her know I'm going to take the call. Before she can refuse, I run out of her room and into mine.

"Holy Macarena, Diane," I answer when I'm inside my bedroom, "Where are you?"

"Last time I looked, I had a penis not a vagina," says a husky voice on the other end of the phone.

"James" I say with embarrassment. "Excuse me, I thought you were Diane."

"You are forgiven" he says with a little laugh, but I can hear he's not entirely happy. I wonder what happened to him and why the music is so loud on the other end of the phone. "Mouse, I kind of need your help."

"What happened?"

"Some asshole motherfucker..."

"James!" I scold him. "No one deserves to be called that."

"Dereck does," he growls. "Can you believe what he's done?"

I know who Dereck is because James has told me a lot about him. He's his sister Anna's boyfriend, and from what I've learned in the months I've been friends with James, he and Dereck play practical jokes on each other.

"Now what has Dereck done?" I ask, lying down on my bed.

"The asshole has taken advantage of my parents being gone on their second honeymoon, and I don't know how the fuck he did it, but he called half the school and..." I hear him take a big breath of air. "He said there's a party at my house! Now there's a lot of kids getting drunk and making out at my house!"

I stifle a laugh with the palm of my hand, imagining a furious James dealing with drunken teenagers.

"Oh, wow," I laugh harder, "And where's Dereck?"

"That's what pisses me off the most," he growls again. "The bastard's in his apartment with my sister, probably fucking while I'm taking care of a party I didn't plan."

That sounds really funny.

"And what do you want me to help you with?"

"Please come," he pleads. "Help me get these demon spawn out of my house. Please, Mouse, I beg you. You are my calm, if I do it alone, I will commit some murder."

I look at the time. Eleven o'clock at night and my parents haven't arrived from their romantic dinner. I can tell my sister to take me.

"Let me tell Ginger to drive me," I say. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

I hear him sigh heavily, relieved.

"Thank you, Mouse."

***

When my sister pulls her bike up in front of James' house, I can tell Dereck hasn't thrown a party, he's thrown The Party. The music is blaring at its loudest volume and there are guys on the front lawn in nothing but underwear with liquor bottles in their hands.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" My sister asks as I hand her the helmet. "Is that your scene?"

Ginger knows better than that.

"James has asked me for a favor" I explain again and she looks at me with a mischievous smile. "Don't get any crazy ideas in your head, Ginger. If my mom asks, tell her I'm with Diane."

"It's okay, I'll cover for you" she points to the house with a gentle nod of her head. "I don't tell you to take care of yourself because James will do that for you."

I roll my eyes and turn to walk away from her without saying anything else.

Sometimes it's a little annoying that my whole family loves James. They make me jealous! They trust him more than me! It's so unfair...

I manage to walk through all those bodies and, when I'm finally inside the house, I run into a furious James. He's taking a vase of flowers from a guy who looks drunker than a drunken Homer Simpson.

"Hey, James!" I yell at him from a distance so he can hear me.

His eyes meet mine and he immediately walks over to me, holding the vase as if it were a treasure.

"My parents are going to kill me if they find out about this," he says loudly so I can hear him over the music. "Dereck has gone a little overboard this time."

"Yeah, a little bit" I agree with him as I look at the mess around me. "What do you want us to do?"

"I don't know. I've already put away the valuables and locked the rooms because I don't want strangers fucking in the same bed where my family sleeps" he puts the vase on the floor to keep his hands free so he can tangle them in his hair. "I've been calling Dereck all night, but he doesn't answer, the asshole."

If I were him, I'd never show my face in front of James again.

My tough guy is furious.

"And would your parents be very angry if they found out about this?"

"They would kill me!" He shouts. "This is a new house. We've only been living here a few months and if they see a single scratch on it, they'll tear me apart!"

Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration.

"They're not going to leave" I say, referring to the crazy kids screaming and dancing all over the house. "Let's go to the kitchen so you can have a glass of water and calm down" is the only thing that comes to my mind to help him.

He nods as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He dials a number and brings it to his ear to start ranting loudly: "Look, you big asshole, you're paying for this one!" He screams and I can already imagine for whom those screams are intended. "When my parents get home I'm going to tell them that I saw you and my sister fucking at the same table where they eat every day! And also that you've finished with my supply of condoms! Answer the fucking phone, you son of a bitch!"

I look at him with wide eyes as he hangs up the phone. He's breathing hard because of his screams.

"Did you really see them... uh... on the table?"

James shakes his head.

"No" for the first time that night, I see his cocky grin appear. "But my parents don't have to know about that."

I roll my eyes because that's so clever. Well, not as clever as what Dereck has done.

"So a supply of condoms?" I ask a little sheepishly, but curiosity gets the better of me. "Do you really have one?"

"Sure" he shrugs his shoulders as he walks beside me. "Every man has his own supply of condoms."

That gets my attention. Do they keep condoms, just like we're supposed to keep food for when there's a zombie attack? Do they have, like... a lot of them? When the zombies come, they can't feed on condoms because they don't get eaten, can they? Anyway, it seems smarter to me to have a supply of food and not condoms, although I don't think like the guys. I remember Ginger and Diane repeatedly telling me that men generally think with their..... with their... with their penis. And I don't have... I don't have... I don't have a penis. So I think with what everybody should think with, with my brain. Although sometimes I also think with my hunger, that happens when I steal the chocolate chip cookies that my mom has....

"Oh God!" I scream when I see a very familiar long blonde hair shaking back and forth on the living room table. "That's why she wasn't answering my phone!"

"Shit, I didn't even know they were here" James says next to me.

I stare in disbelief at a very excited Diane who is shaking her ass Miley Cyrus style. Next to her - how could he not - is Ben shaking his hands from side to side, his left hand occupied by a frying pan. They think they're the kings of the place, dancing on the table while drunken boys cheer them on with their particular show.

"That's my mother's frying pan!" I go after James who approaches them. "Get your filthy feet off my table and give me that fucking frying pan, Ben!"

"What frying pan?" Ben asks with a grin. "What I'm holding in my hand is Ben 10's sword. I am Ben 10, motherfuckers!" He shouts to the crowd and everyone shouts back even louder.

"Does Ben 10 have a sword?" I ask James.

"I don't know!" He looks at Ben again. "Give me back my mom's frying pan!"

"I am Little Red Riding Hood!" Shouts Diane next to Ben. "And you have to protect me from the big bad wolf!"

"Diane, get down! You're too drunk!" I yell at her.

Suddenly, she bends down and blows close to my face, allowing me to smell her breath.

"I haven't even had a beer, Thea" she straightens back up on the table and continues dancing. "Keep the party going, bitches!"

I don't know why I'm not surprised she's sober. And I bet Ben's in his right mind, too.

"I'm gonna kill 'em!" James shouts as he finally manages to snatch the frying pan from Ben's grasp. "You crazy fuckers."

I follow him as he turns to walk away from them.

"Come dance with us, tattooed ass and mouse" shouts Diane, but I ignore her because I'm too busy following a furious James.

"James, wait" I follow him into the kitchen where a couple of guys are... are... are... are very gooey with hands and lips walking here and there.

"Get out of my kitchen!" James shouts at the top of his lungs, and immediately the pair run totally freaked out of there.

I look at him not knowing what to do.

He puts the frying pan away in a drawer and then heads for the fridge with a glass.

I sit on the counter while keeping an eye on him and give the leap of my life when a loud growl resembling a wild animal escapes from his chest.

"Fuck!" He turns to show me a pair of underwear between his fingers, "Underwear in my fridge!"

"Hey, hey" I stop him by the arm when he passes by me, probably yelling like a madman to everyone in the house. "Is this the first time you're at a party?" I ask because I see him very angry.

"Are you kidding?" He looks at me incredulously. "I've been to more parties than I can count and this is probably a kids' party compared to the kind of parties I've been to, Thea."

I shudder when I think about it, about the past he had.

"So why are you so furious?"

"Because none of those parties were at my house!"

I smile my best smile and pull him to me so he can settle between my legs.

"Why don't you just enjoy tonight?" I leave my hands on either side of his hard belly. "We've been stressing about exams, take your mind off it."

I smile when I see that I've finally gotten her to laugh.

"Who are you and what have you done with my sweet Mouse?" He asks with a chuckle.

I shrug my shoulders. I don't like parties, that's Diane's role, but the idea of a party with James doesn't sound unpleasant to me.

"Are you very worried about your parents?" He nods and then drops his weight on me, his face buried in my neck. "Why?"

"I don't like to worry them," he growls against my skin, "and I don't want Dad kicking my ass when he comes home from his trip either. After all he went through in jail, the last thing he needs is more headaches from me."

"How about I help you clean up when it's all over?" I bring my hands to his hair and stroke it gently. He purrs like a kitten. Which reminds me, the neighbor has had cats. Well, not the neighbor because that would be weird. More like the neighbor's cat has had cats. There have been five of them and they are so cute. They look like a little ball of fur and...

"Ouch!" I groan when James bites my neck.

"You weren't paying attention to me" he replies, soothing my pain with little kisses.

"I'm distracted" I justify myself as I think I should bring food and shelter for the kittens. My neighbor is a little old lady in her eighties, she doesn't have to worry about those things. I can take care of it and... "Ouch!" I complain when he bites me again. "Stop doing that!"

"You were distracted again and even though I love that you're like that" he kisses my neck again. "I don't like you thinking about something else while I'm kissing you."

"Then don't kiss me" I reply, trying to pull away.

"You know that's not going to happen" and his lips continue to linger on my skin. "I want to kiss you on the lips."

And again we are back to the same thing. Since that day he kissed me in the cafeteria in front of half the school, he hasn't kissed me again. And the day after the scandalous event, while we were paying detention at school, he made me bet a pinch that the next time we kissed it would be because I would ask him to.

Good luck, my friend. I'm not going to ask you.

"Quit screwing around in public, guys," I hear Diane's voice behind me, "You better get a room."

"And you guys get a shrink," James growls without turning away from me. "You've fucking lost your minds."

"Last time I looked in a mirror, I had my head in my place" that's Ben. "Isn't it attached to my neck?"

"Idiot."

"Some guys are playing truth or dare, you want to go play with us?"

"You know I don't play that game," I tell Diane, "You guys play," I push James away and get off the counter.

"Oh, of course we'll play, little Thea" I elbow Ben in the belly when he tries to hug me. "Come on, Thea. Let's play."

"She said no," James says.

"Aren't you going to play either, tattooed doll?"

"Don't fucking call me that" James gives Ben a playful punch in the belly. "If Thea won't play, I won't play either."

"If Thea won't play, I won't play either." Ben snaps mockingly. "She's got you by the balls."

"Says the guy who does whatever Diane tells him to do," James taunts him.

"Fuck you, you tattooed devil doll."

I look at Diane because she is very quiet and that is dangerous for her. I find her very amused inside the fridge, so I walk over to see what ruse she's planning.

"What are you doing with those eggs?" I ask her in confusion.

"Oh, it's just to throw them at whoever I see around" she replies, shrugging her shoulders.

"And why would you do that?"

"Because everyone is too drunk to remember it was me" she looks at me with a splendid smile. "And because it's so much fun!"

"You're out of your mind."

"By the way, I called your mother and told her you're sleeping over with me tonight" she raises and lowers her eyebrows in a suggestive, and also a little creepy way. "Enjoy your night of Oh, God! Yes, James! Harder!"

She's really crazy!

"What are you talking about?" I ask, looking slyly at James. He's not paying attention to us because he's discussing something with Ben.

"Today is the perfect day for your vagina to get to know what a penis is" I shudder at her vulgar way of speakin. "Believe me when I tell you that today you won't sleep in your bed, or mine."

"Where then?"

She smiles mischievously at me.

"In James' bed" and walks away from me as she sings a song about a squirrel having sex with a lion.

God, why didn't you give me a more normal friend?

Was that too much to ask?