Entry 3

Do you know what it feels like to fall in love? I did it hurts, well it was one-sided love I only admired him from a far he was a soccer player. At first I tried not to fall in to the hole which was called love it did give me slight happiness when I see his smile and cannot resist but I wasn't strong enough to confess. Why? As you know I am a liar I lie to everyone and to myself, my true self you know what I did I avoided eye contact and stare from a far it hurt but it was the only thing I could do a liar and coward could do I think of him almost every night and I try to stop thinking about him but I can't. I always think that How can you love someone you haven't even talked to? Every night I release the stress by letting out a scream when no one is at home this feeling was tearing me apart and I was thinking again and I thought will I ever have my happy ending like the ones in books I read? I keep on thinking about this everyday and night I just can't release these thoughts in my head but I can't and I don't know the reason why? The thought of my feelings for him won't go way but I still like a coward did the things a coward would do...