Dinner

When Thane and I walk up to the large community-style table, the surrounding men and women all turn to us with various looks. My parents quickly wave to us with large smiles on their faces while pointing to our seats. I keep Thane's hand in mine as we walk over and sit at the table.

My parents smile at Thane and say "We're so happy to see you again, Thane. Thank you for always looking out for Valerie." Thane gives them a small strained smile as he slightly nods and says "It's Valerie who's always looking out for me."

They give him a warm smile as they give both of us a large bowl of stew. Valen sits down across from us with a bitter look on his face but he doesn't say anything. As we start eating, Valen looks back and forth between Thane and I before asking "So are you two dating or something?"

I continue to chew my food without looking up at him but when I see Thane doing the same, I can't help but want to smile. My Mom elbows Valen and glares at him before saying "I set up a tent next to ours for Thane to sleep in tonight. We have an extra cot in our tent for you Valerie."

I pause with the spoon to my lips and glance up to my mother before slowly lowering the spoon and saying "I appreciate it Mom but I'll be staying in the same tent with Thane." My Mom looks at me with wide, shock filled eyes as my Dad chokes on his food.

Valen slams his spoon down and says "You know what, I've had it! What the hell is wrong with you Valerie!?" I slowly put the spoon down as CheeChee jumps down from the trees and lands on my shoulders. My mom jumps back in fright and looks at CheeChee with wide eyes as my father continues to cough.

I look to my brother and say "Let's not do this right now." Valen starts laughing but it's filled with sarcasm. He pushes his bowl of stew away and says "No! Let's do this now. Right now, right here!" I grit my teeth in anger as I struggle to contain my own outburst but I was losing.

I stand up and grab Thane's hand, intending to walk away but Valen quickly gets up and rushes over to cut me off. Thane takes a step back with clenched fists. He wants to step in but he tries not to out of respect for me and my parents.

Valen gets in my face as he pokes my shoulder and yells "I get that you're mad at me and a lot of this is my fault but you have no right to act like a... Like a slut!" I reach out and grab the front of his shirt and kick his feet out as I spin around.

I toss his clean over my shoulder and throw him into the table! I lean over him and bare my teeth at him as I growl and say "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! I am not the same sister you had before you took off. She's DEAD!"

I look down into Valen's eyes to see them filled with shock and fear. I try to control my anger, knowing that my eyes are black... just how Thane's get. I push away from him and look up to see everyone looking at me with fear. Including my own parents.

Thane steps up and lightly touches my lower back, calming me with his touch. I take a deep breath and look back to Valen as I say "He's the only thing that keeps me human..." I take a step back away from them all before turning around and walking off.

Valen slowly sits up, rubbing his chest as he watches me walk away with mixed emotions. I don't stop until I'm back at the tree again. Thane is right behind me and when he finally catches up, he pulls me into a hug and rubs my back as I listen to his heartbeat.

This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I'm usually really good at controlling my emotions but when it comes to my brother and my family... I feel like I have no control. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, regretting everything I just did and said.

Especially in front of my parents...

Thane walks me back over to the tree and sits before pulling me down and into his lap. He reaches up and lightly rubs the back of my neck, relaxing me as he says "Stop beating yourself up. Your brother is fine and so are your parents. Your brother is an idiot but he does care about you. Give them time and they will all understand this new you. They'll understand and accept you."

Tears burn my eyes as I lean into him and close my eyes. Taking comfort in his arms and in his words. Why does everything have to be so hard and complicated? I bury my face in his chest as I try to block everything out, including my own complicated emotions.

I'm so happy my family is together and in one piece but... I no longer feel like I belong with them. I feel like if we were to all stand together and take a picture, I would be standing off to the side. No longer close to them or able to interact with them in the same ways as before.

For the first time, I mourn the death of my old self. I mourn the loss of everything I was and once had. As my world and I fall apart, Thane holds me together. With each tear, there's a healing touch. As my tired eyes begin to grow heavier, a single thought comes to mind.

The old me is gone and in her place, I now stand. I may not belong with them in the same way as I used to but... that doesn't mean I can't love and protect them in a new way. If they're willing, I will create a new relationship with them with this new me.