Lilac ribbon

With yet another ball looming over us, I join Penelope at the modiste to get a new dress. Mother allowed us to go alone, but under strict instructions that we still get purple and yellow dresses. We take a longer route than is necessary, but only so that we can remain out of the house longer. "Pen?"

"Yes, sister?"

"Do you find that loving Collin is painful?" I ask, trying to disguise it as though I am asking only out of curiosity, and not as though it has any impact on my personal life. "Is love meant to be painful?"

"I do not know, Peaches. I have no more experience in this particular field than you do." She let's out a little sigh, having to speak a little louder to overcome the deafening sounds of the market. Everyone is talking and everyone is buying and everyone is drowning out every word that my sister and I try to exchange. "I do not believe that love is supposed to leave you feeling as I do."

"Do you think that is a good thing, though? Do you think that the burning and pining only strengthens the emotions? Or do you think that it will eventually drive us insane knowing that we want what we may never have?" I hesitate for a moment after what I have said, as she scoffs. "I am sorry. I did not intend to make the whole situation seem even more depressing than I am already aware it is."

"You really are an artist, sister. That is all I can say."

"Everyone says that to me and I must admit, I do not know what it really means." I shake my head.

"Well, it means that you are looking into this much deeper than any of us mere mortals would ever dare. I do not think that feeling is a bad thing, nor do I think the way we feel is a bad thing. But it does not need to be a bad thing to mean it hurts." We arrive at the dress shop, and she stops outside for a moment, thinking. "Although, I do think the fact that you have even asked about it does prove that you too, Peaches, are in love."

Before I can say anymore, she has entered the modiste and begun to tell madame delacroix about our specific instructions from our mother. "Oui, madame. Put perhaps we can find you something... less purple?" I do like madame delacroix, but I like her suggestion even better when she reveals a light purple fabric. It is a beautiful and subtle lilac, embroidered so gently and intricately with little butterflies, and I have never seen something so beautiful in my life. "I take that silence as a yes, mon ami?"

"Goodness, yes. I have never seen anything that I have fallen in love with so quickly." I run my hands along the fabric, nodding eagerly and offering her a wide smile. She pulls the curtains back, and so I take off my current dress and stand in my corset and stockings. "Thank you. I could not bear the thought of another dress so hideous and purple."

"Ah, you are a beauty, miss Peaches. You deserve to be in something as beautiful as you are, oui." It is always amusing to me when I hear her speaking in her fake French accent when I am aware that she is not, in fact, French in any way. "And may I ask how you are holding up in ze marriage market?"

"Peaches is doing fantastically well. I do believe she shall have a wonderful proposal by the end of the season." Penelope relaxes into the sofa, even putting her feet up, as she takes the copy of the latest Lady Whistledown.

"I do not believe so." I shake my head, glaring at Penelope as she so often does to myself and my other sisters. I notice the paper in her hands. "And what does she have to say for herself this week?"

"Not much, I must say. It is mainly about Daphne, if that is any such surprise to you." Pen allows herself to say, much more relaxed that our mother is only around. Usually any event in the modiste is a large commotion with our mother around, with her demands and her insisting and it is always, overall, a rather embarrassing experience. It is an ordeal I am always eager to avoid at any costs. It is much more peaceful since she is not here. "Oh, is that collin? Peaches, I shall be back. Do not leave without me."

"Yes, yes." It is no surprise to me as pen rushes out the front door in order to catch up with Colin. Once she is gone, it allows for me and madame delacroix to speak more freely. "I do genuinely thank you for this new fabric. I was sure that I would tear my eyes out of my sockets if I had to have another glimpse of the purple."

"You know you are gorgeous in both. And what's this about a proposal then, I have to hear this news from Penelope and not yourself?" She chuckles, stretching her tape measure up my leg, scribbling the numbers down into her journal. "Is he the kind of man who will still allow you to come to Lord Granville's once you are married or not, my lady? Because that depends whether I agree that you should marry him or not."

"Genevieve, I shall not tell you no matter how much you ask. I do not wish to embarrass myself when it inevitably falls through, I do not think myself lucky enough to find love in my first season." Once I know she is done, I return my dress to its place on my body and she helps me to thread it once again. "If Pen returns, will you tell her that I have gone to shop? I need to find some new ribbon, I wish to try my hair a different way this evening and I need some to do so."

"How about this one?" Genevieve begins to sort, a little frantically, through her draws until she finds a pretty lilac ribbon that is a colour perfect match to my dress. "Does not get much better than that, eh?"

"Once again, and as always, incredible. Thank you so kindly. I shall see you later tonight, perhaps?"

"I do believe that you shall."