Chapter Twenty

Thanks to that idiot, I cringe when I recall the glamour of Old Hollywood-- or anything that glistens with half-open delight. I know I'm a crazy girl who writes bad novels, so I am not sure which way a woman's heart beats-- toward the one who cares for her, or the one who cares for her body.

--the diary of Pearl Solstice

Tadashi wasn't sure what he was getting himself into. He liked Pearl-- thought she was pretty, smart, and sweet to boot-- but he couldn't pursue a grieving woman. He couldn't pursue her anyway; the last he'd heard, she lived in Canada, and he in Japan. He needed to cook to pay the bills, and she needed to write to pay hers. She was used to the cold, and he was used to the heat. Besides, her grandmother just died. His heart broke for her. He couldn't cope with imagining her crying face; I wish I was that close with my grandma, he thought, It must have been a beautiful thing....

He walked down the street. It felt strange to "mingle among the common folk". He was common, yes, but it's not common to serve the most important family in Japan. Tadashi took a deep breath. He blended in with his crisp white-button down and jeans, walking past ancient wooden shops and hunched old grannies. All he could think about were flowers. White and gold chrysanthemums-- perfect for someone in mourning; it didn't seem like much, but when Dad died, flowers gave Mom a slight glint of hope. It was almost like they were a sign from him, with the way she would tearfully smile and recall fun memories of him. Long, hot days at the beach. Short, cold days inside, sitting around the kotatsu. He felt his stomach churn. Oh, Pearl, I hope you take it the same way...!

Tadashi stopped by the flower shop. It was a tiny, crumbling, dark-wood operation led by a young woman. She spent a lot of time decorating-- arranging bright, lush bouquets on slick wooden shelves, pouring watering-cans on the dark-brown soil. When he walked in, he didn't know what to expect. It wasn't often he shopped for flowers; this would change, today.

"Hello," greeted the woman, smiling big, "How are you, sir?"

"Good. And you?"

She hesitated, not used to being asked this.

"Umm...fine. What were you looking for?"

"I'd like to buy some funeral flowers, if you have any."

The woman's smile faded.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. We have...white chrysanthemums, and some yellow. Not much, but we do what we can."

"Thank you."

Tadashi gathered the knobby green stalks between his hands. The appropriate amount slipped his mind the second he saw the beautiful blooms-- the mixture of soft white and warm yellow would bring comfort to any crying eye. He walked up to the woman and handed her the bouquet, fumbling for his wallet.

"These are beautiful," she remarked as she wrapped them in plastic, "If it were any other occasion, I'd be happier."

"I understand," Tadashi said, paying, "Thank you."

The woman simply bowed. He bowed back and walked away. His heart pounded. His skin sizzled. Pearl was in for a surprise— a good one, for once. A good one that would mend her soft, broken heart.

Anything more than that would have to wait. He sighed, recalling the baroque music of her laugh and the mascara-smudged beauty of her heart-shaped face. It was going to be a long road, but he would hold onto her— for as long as fate wasn't looking.

XXX

I know what they say of elves (or those of partial blood) and our sexuality. (Thanks, Grandma...!) But overall...love is more than sex. I don't really chase sex, but if it happens-- I am fine. I also liked dreaming of men kissing and licking my feet. I also like it when they get excited about books and movies and historical things, and the esoteric beauty of prehistoric lakes. These things almost felt more intimate than "the Act" itself, but I'll not get too carried away. I know what happened the last time I got carried away with man-chasing.... (Or money-chasing, or fairytale-chasing...I have yet to be psychoanalyzed.)

When I remember Grandma and Hajime together, my heart flutters at the purity of their relationship. I used to think such a thing was impossible. Even my parents' romantic moments, as awkward as they may be, seemed unrealistic to me. After all, Mom wrote a raunchy love song back in the day! Maybe they are. I thought I would be more like Uncle Zell-- with his difficult marriage and now, upcoming divorce. But they say even he's found love...with a Palace maid. I used to think such things depended on the size of my waist or the heft of a man's wallet. And even then-- the longevity would rival the reign of that water-elf Princess Ervina of Conchia. I'm not saying everyone needs (or wants) a relationship, but I suppose that there's someone for everyone-- if you're bold enough to look.

(It's strange to think I found time to care about this during my magical studies-- then again, I hardly had as much time to study as I thought.)

Love! Even the word gives me icy goosebumps and makes me giggle all over. Even now-- when you think my twenty-six-year-old ass would stop acting like a little girl. I don't chase it as much as I used to, but if it happens-- I'm happy. However, I get the shivers and butterflies whenever I see Tadashi. I know he's just helping out-- I'm not really supposed to, but I had a crush on him before, and I have a crush on him now. Plus, why would I turn down a man as kind as him? (And after all that happened with Prince Hinata...!

Now is the time for me to drop the fairy-tale glitter. Now is the time to give up on that spoiled princess childhood dream. Now is the time for me to find the right person for me.

Love will happen. I can feel it.

--from the diary of Pearl Solstice

Pearl knew his face anywhere. It was soft and round, flushed with rosy cheeks and bright brown eyes. Tadashi! His black hair was still shaggy over his pointed elf-ears, and his mouth curved into a shy smile.

"Hello," he said softly, handing her the bouquet.

"Hello," Pearl replied.

"I…It's sad we have to reunite like this," he murmured, "How are you?"

Pearl bit her lip. She didn't know where to start. Her heart pounded, as she couldn't help but find him handsome-- with his shaggy hair, gentle brown eyes, and full, welcoming figure. She didn't know why, but she wrapped her arms around him and cried.

"It's okay," he whispered, wrapping his own thick, sturdy arms around her, "When my dad died, I needed all the crying in the world."

Pearl pulled away, her jaw dropping.

"Oh! Y-Your father...?"

He nodded gravely.

"I was only fifteen. One minute he was getting off the train, the next he was laying cold in the kitchen." He inhaled sharply. "Blood-Drying Disease. He was an earth-elf, but also the Imperial Cook. After he died, everything fell apart for me."

"I...I'm so sorry."

"Thank you. I'm doing better, but the memories, they never go away. The pain is always there, too." He smiled sadly. "It's a long journey, though. And I'll be with you, as long as you need."

Pearl didn't know what to say, so she erupted into more tears. She threw her arms back around him and he did the same. As more hot tears tumbled down her cheeks, she could have sworn she heard Grandma Bathilde's purring voice, telling her to "let it out, ma bichette!" Grandma wouldn't want me to cry...would she? I think she wants me to feel, feel, feel, before I get into the messy aftermath of "cleaning up," which feels so cruel after someone dies. Oh, Tadashi...! At least he cares!

"Pearl," he whispered, "You're exactly where you need to be."

Her bottom lip wobbled, and tears flooded her cheeks. I better tell him, before I can't....

"Th-Thank you."