5.WORKING ON IMPULSE

I sat near the window full of despair. How stupid could I be?

I had thought that I meant something to him but I wasn't anything to him. He had a girlfriend and I was stupid enough to fall for him.

"Hey are you okay ?", asked Ayana from the bed.

"Yeah I am you ?", I asked her as my gaze returned to look outside the window.

"Stop changing the topic you don't look like you're okay what's up you know you can talk to me about anything right ?", she asked as she stood up and made her way over to where I was.

That was a lie, she knew I couldn't talk to her about everything. How was I supposed to tell her that I had fallen for a guy who had a girlfriend?

Oh, her brother to be quite exact.

"Am fine just feeling a little weird might just be my period around the corner ", I said as I gave her a little smile.

" Okay, then why don't you come to bed let's sleep it's pretty cold ", she said as she went back to bed.

" I wanna sit here for a little while I like the breeze ", I said.

I was lying, I knew I was lying even to myself. I was sitting by the window just so that I could see him when he came back in.

I was mad at him. I was mad at him for not telling me he had a girlfriend but then yet again I meant nothing to him so he didn't owe me anything.

I was supposed to be mad at him. I was the one who kissed him all he had done was kiss me back and maybe that was the better option.

I couldn't imagine how I would feel if he hadn't kissed me back or pushed me away and said "I have a girlfriend that would have hurt such.

I could hear a car pulling by the driveway and I knew it was him. I needed to find a way to leave and go talk to him before he went to bed.

" Hey I'll just go outside for a little bit, I'll be back ", I said to Ayana as I stood up and left the room without waiting for her reply.

I didn't care what she would think about the situation. I was done doing things that I hoped everyone would approve of.

I left the room and walked by the hallway without making noise. I could hear my brother and Darcy talking in their drunken slurs but they couldn't hear me as I walked past them.

They were so out of it.

I opened the door and went outside as I saw him parking the car in the garage. I made my way over knowing that I wanted to talk to him.

I had a whole script in my head that I wanted to say to him. I liked him a lot and I hated it.

He closed the door and as he turned and saw me a smile spread on his face.

"Hey ", he said as he leaned back on the car.

"Hey ", I said as I moved closer to where he was.

"What's up was there something that you wanted to tell me ?", he asked as he looked me up and down.

I could feel him undressing me and I was embarrassed about how it made me feel. I wanted him to touch me and tell me that I was beautiful and I was all he wanted.

Maybe that was why I was wearing shorts. They barely covered anything and I could feel the goosebumps only I wasn't sure if they were because of the cold or his stare.

I wanted him to tell me that I was the only one but I already knew that it was a lie. But I already knew it didn't matter if it was a lie or not I wanted him to say it.

I wanted him to lie to me as long as it made me feel good about myself.

"When were you going to tell me you have a girlfriend ?", I asked him and I waited.

I waited for his face to twist into confusion or guilt anything at all but it didn't. He just laughed and smirked.

"You stalking me or something ?", he asked as he moved from the car to where I was standing.

"No my brother told me so it is true you do have a girlfriend", I said scoffing, the nerve of this man.

"Why do you care ?", he asked getting nearer and nearer to where I was.

I was losing it and if he even moved closer then I would forget all the awful things I wanted to tell him.

"I don't care I just don't want to confuse things after what happened between us ", I said shrugging my shoulders acting like it hadn't affected me.

Deep inside I was dying. I was dying of jealousy. I wanted to be her. I wanted him to be mine.

"What happened between us I don't recall?", he asked oblivious to what had happened.

"The kiss ", I said.

"Ooohh that meant nothing, or did you want it to mean something ? ", he asked as his hand started running through my hair.

I tilted my head back as I took in his scent. He was so intoxicating it drove me nuts and I somehow liked it.

"I asked you a question ?", he said as he pulled my hair back making me grunt in both pain and pleasure.

"No I didn't want it to mean anything ", I said as I stared at his lips, and when I looked up his eyes were fixated on my lips.

"That's my girl ", he said as his lips fell on mine and I couldn't stop myself from melting into the kiss. It was like my brain stopped working and I was just working on impulse.

It didn't matter though thinking with my impulse gave me pleasure.

"We shouldn't be doing this ", I said to him as the kiss broke off.

His hands hoisted me up as he sat me on the hood of the car.

"That's what makes it better ", he said as his lips collided with mine again and we were lost in each other's arms.