Chapter 6: Research

Stella remained quiet for a few more minutes before asking "Why are you here? What do you want from me?" her voice was shaking as she asked the question as if she feared what the answer would be. Her pupils widened as Selene slowly approached her. As the shadowy figure got closer to Stella, she moved back farther on the bed as she was forced into a corner. "I'm here because you summoned me, of course." Selene answered with a smile on my face. She seemed confident in what she had said, but Stella was having a hard time believing anything that came out of her mouth considering that she still believed her to be just a figment of her imagination.

"How would I summon her? Did I somehow call her to me from my dreams? How is that even possible? Am I actually losing my mind right now!?" Stella thought to herself as she stared down at her shaking hands and trembling body. "You summoned me by your dark thoughts, that night that you wanted to end it all a year ago is the reason I am here now. I am part of your thought process, so when you constantly start to have dark thoughts that is when I show up to remind you that you are stronger than the weak, scared, desperate girl who's sitting in front of me right now." Selene said as she broke the silence with an answer to Stella's internal questions.

"So, you're...the...stronger version of me?" Stella asked with a confused look on her face. "I'm the dark, more bad version of you, but yes I'm stronger as well." Selene answered with a smirk. "What do you mean, the bad part of me?" Stella asked confused as she stared into the sunken eyes of the dark shadowy figure. Selene slowly dropped her head and she looked at the ground as a small smile slowly formed on her face before she answered Stella's question.

"Well you see Stella; everyone has a good and bad side. Usually they try to repress the bad side, but it always finds its way through. Sometimes it breaks through in small ways, such as bad habits or small acts of regret. Other times it is repressed and held inside for a long amount of time before coming out in a sudden explosion of erratic behavior and mental breakdowns. There are rare times when the dark side is released, just like now actually. I am coming to you in waves Stella, I am only appearing when you want me to appear and disappearing when you are too afraid to face me. As much as you longed to see me these past few days seems as if you are trying to tell me something, so tell me...are you? Don't worry I'll let you answer me next time." Selene said as she chuckled and suddenly disappeared quickly after.

Stella looked around the room, worrying that Selene might suddenly reappear again! She exhaled deeply and laid straight on her back trying to process what had just happened. Out of everything Selene said, something struck Stella the most. It was her name once Stella heard her introduce herself as "Selene" her entire body shivered in fear but also in familiarity. She had a weird feeling in her stomach and felt like something was stuck at the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn't figure out what it was. "Selene, Selene, Selene." She repeated the name as she mumbled it to herself. "Where have I heard that name before? Why does it seem so familiar to me?" Stella thought to herself as she jumped out of bed and ran towards her laptop "It's time to do some research!" she yelled out before looking around the room in fear scared that Selene might have actually heard her and planned to appear again! She took a deep breath sat down at the computer before typing in the phrase "Meaning behind nightmares and visual hallucinations." She was hoping that this research might begin to give her answers of what has been going on with her lately.

She opened her laptop as the light from the screen lit up her dark room. The results that were appearing for her research truly shocked her. Every link she clicked on kept leading to the same conclusion. She kept searching repeatedly, but it was the same answer every time. She leaned back in her desk chair in shock as she blankly stared at the words on the screen. She couldn't believe the possibility of her having schizophrenia...

She didn't know how to feel or react at that matter. This couldn't be...this couldn't be true! She thought to herself as she paced around the room. Thoughts and questions crowded her mind as her hands shook in anticipation. She searched her symptoms again and kept pressing the enter button repeatedly, but nothing was changing. Stella decided she needed to go see a professional for another opinion. "It's just something on the internet, it doesn't mean anything until I know for sure." She mumbled to herself as she slowly crawled back into her bed. She leaned her back against the bed frame as she moved her knees towards her chest and wrapped her arms around both of her legs. She then shoved her face in her lap as silent tears slowly dripped down her face.

A few moments passed as she loosened up her body to lay down and her tears dried as she was finally able to fall into a deep sleep. The next morning, Stella woke up feeling confused. Her mind felt hazy as her vision was slightly blurred. She climbed out of bed but suddenly felt dizzy when she attempted to walk and nearly fell as she caught herself on the side of the dresser. The room around her started to spin as her head began aching and she slowly glanced at the ticking clock on her wall. It was 7:00am in the morning on a Saturday! She fell back down on her bed and shut her eyes forcing herself to go back to sleep.

About 3 hours later she woke up again, this time feeling a bit more refreshed and energetic. She opened her eyes and stretched her tightened muscles as she let out a big yawn. She then climbed out of bed slowly to avoid another dizzy spell as she walked into the bathroom to wash up. After she was refreshed, she went into the kitchen to make some breakfast and coffee, but as she was walking into the kitchen she suddenly stopped and looked around, something seemed...different...

Stella begin to feel lost, like she didn't know where she was or what she was doing. She had a strange feeling but didn't know how to describe it exactly. She felt as if she was still dreaming and everything around her seemed surreal, but she tried to ignore the feeling that was sending chills down her body and pretended that she didn't notice. She pretended the room felt like it was spinning as the cup of freshly brewed coffee trembled in her shaking hands, that she kept seeing shadows lingering around the room from the corner of her eyes and that her home didn't know feel like home at all, but more like a strange world that she happened to stumbled upon.

It must be paranoia, that must be what is happening! Stella thought to herself as she struggled to straighten her posture and keep herself from fainting. Stella thought back to the research she found the night before and how she matched all the symptoms of a person with schizophrenia. She was having a hard time telling fantasy from reality, in other words, figuring out if she has awakened from a dream or not. She also heard voices, if talking to her shadow-self counts, which it most likely does! Even if all of it is just be a disturbing figment of her imagination, she was still concerned. The only thing she was unsure about was her altered reflection, even though it has told her that it is part of her, she still couldn't believe it. Maybe she really was just slowly going insane...