Prologue

Fallujah 2004

Bullets passed by a battalion fireteam returning fire surrounding their M1151 Enhanced Armament Carrier from both sides, and then as it often does in war, it all goes to shit. Several successive mortars from an insurgent location missed the fireteam but the attack sent shrapnel flying and created a cloud of dust and debris.

"Hold your fire!" Sheldon Cooper orders as he releases the trigger on his own weapon. The firing on his side stops as it does from the insurgents, "Everybody okay?"

"Sir, I think Clarke's been hit," another Marine said bent down to tend to another injured Marine on the ground.

Sheldon knows the dust cloud from the mortars will pass quickly. "We need to move up. Roberts, help Jackson with Clarke, the rest of us will provide cover fire into that house," Sheldon points to a Saddam-era building that miraculously is intact while the rest of the surrounding area is at least crumbling, 200 yards away. He knows that the house is the only one on the block with working indoor plumbing. "Move out!"

The fireteam makes a quick dash for their new location. The Marines duck in and Sheldon tells the rest to take up defensive positions while he and Jackson tend to the injured Marine he now recognises as Clarke.

Corporal Michael A. Clarke from Omaha, was the first true friend Sheldon could say he made on his own and who was a peer of age. They signed up together—both 17 at the Denton Recruiting Station—went through Basic Training together, and were certified together as snipers at Quantico before they both volunteered for Kosovo. They were brothers. Brothers-in-arms. Sheldon could tell Mike things he never told another living soul and knew they would stay more secure than Fort Knox. He sure as hell wasn't going to let his best friend die here in the merciless heat of Iraq.

"Hang in there, Mikey. No way in fuck am I going to let you die here," Sheldon told his friend as he and Jackson removed his flak jacket as they hear gunfire resume. He hears the man wheeze. He doesn't see any sign of shrapnel but he does see an entry wound. Just Clarke's luck the shrapnel missed his actual flak jacket and pierced and penetrated his ribs. Sheldon orders Jackson to grab him one of the bayonets and, "a shitload of anything to use as gauze." Jackson returned a few minutes later with the bayonet and towels. Sheldon sends him off to fill Clarke's helmet with water, warm if possible. Sheldon knew his friend had another five or six minutes before internal bleeding would become a major issue. Jackson returned with a helmet filled with water. Sheldon dipped the knife in the water and was pleasantly surprised that it was warm, he smiled at Jackson. Then dried it with a towel and then told Michael to bite into the towel he just wiped off because "This shit's gonna hurt like a motherfucker and I don't have any morphine." He made a cross incision two inches deep just above the entry wound, careful to avoid any vital areas and exacerbate the bleeding. He wasn't that kind of doctor, but he knew enough. He angled the knife and smiled when it came in contact with the foreign obstruction. He took needle nose pliers from the Humvee's maintenance supply bag he grabbed; dipped them in water, dried it off, and angled them in. He told Michael to bite down hard again as he extracted the object, a three-inch bit of artillery shrapnel. Once it was out he heard his friend breathe a sigh of relief; whether from not having a piece of shrapnel in his ribs or having Sheldon perform emergency extraction surgery,

either way, Sheldon doesn't care. His brother was going to live at least another day. He then helped Clarke up and onto his side to let the excess blood drain out to prevent a clot. He told Jackson to help him clean and bandage Clarke up. Sheldon smiles at his friend when the man said, "Hey, thanks Doc," and then laid back and closed his eyes to rest. Once he knew Clarke was resting and not going into shock, he told Williams to radio for a medevac while he and Gutierrez made their way to the rooftop with three magazines and the M40.

"Call it," Sheldon told his spotter once they found a good hide on the roof.

"Eight visible hostiles, one mortar, two shoulder RPGs; 600 yards; wind approaching four miles blowing East to West."

"Radio B Company and tell them they have a sniper lookout."

Gutierrez does and just as he ends his transmission, Sheldon sends a round down towards the mortar operator, within seconds he snaps back unmoving. Sheldon watches through his scope as the rest scramble for position and once they're in place Sheldon sends another volley toward an insurgent holding an RPG. The man doesn't get back up. Sheldon takes out another RPG, when the radio comes on, "Sergeant Cooper, remaining hostiles are bugging out. Thanks for the cover, Doc." Sheldon returns with Gutierrez to the living room where the Marines are holed up, Williams informs him that the aerial medevac ETA is two minutes out.

*** Sheldon visits his friend in a field hospital a week later. "How you feelin', Mikey?"

"Oh you know me, I've been in worse. Like that time I told you about tipping over old man Branson's cows, only for the old coot to come running after me with a shotgun," Michael laughed.

Sheldon chuckled he was glad his friend was going to make it. The field doctors said another 10-15 minutes and blood would have entered and flooded his lungs or would've sent the artillery piece somewhere it would've caused a fatal clot, so the impromptu extraction was indeed the right call.

They said Michael would be back to fighting strength in about three weeks barring any unforeseen complications.

"Hey Sheldon, I really appreciate what you did back there," Michael said solemnly.

"No problem," Sheldon smiles, "nobody hurts my brother while I'm around. Besides, you promised me you'd introduce me to that really hot friend of yours when we get back. You can't introduce me to her if you're dead."

Michael laughed. "Yeah, and trust me you're going to love Penny. I would've gone after her myself but for some reason, she really likes smart guys, and I figure who's smarter than my brother who got his damn doctorate at 16, then traded that in for a rifle a year later?"

Sheldon laughed. "All right, Cupid, you just take it easy." Sheldon pats his friend's blanket as he heads out letting him rest.

***

Coalition forces would cede Fallujah temporarily to Iraqi insurgent forces two weeks later but that day in Iraq was when the legend of Marine Corps Sergeant Sheldon "Doc" Cooper began.

Ch. 1

Pasadena 2007

Penny was tired, they had been moving all morning. The apartment was great; lots of room, an open floor plan, a huge master bedroom, and a spare one that they didn't know what to do with yet. The only thing was despite advertising the building with an elevator when they got there the elevator was out of order. But Penny is glad she was able to convince Sheldon to move away from Twentynine Palms. That was the deal they made, she'd marry him in exchange she picked where they lived. Okay… not really how it happened, but the whole marrying him thing was for real. She just never thought she'd settle down so quickly, but in just two years, she went from dating a Marine to marrying one. Their honeymoon was definitely something to remember. She smiled as she looked up to see two people walking up the stairs. One short male in a hoodie-jacket combination with black-rimmed glasses carrying a takeout bag and another of similar height who looked like he was frozen in time—in the 1970s—given his hair and bright red shirt. They stopped talking when they noticed her.

She heard the one in the hoodie-jacket whisper to his companion, "New neighbour?" "Evidently."

"Significant improvement over your old neighbour." "Oh, yes she is."

Penny mentally rolled her eyes, was that them being discreet? "Oh, hi!" She says interrupting them.

"Hi." Glasses said lamely. "Hi." Said the 70s reject.

Penny went back to moving out the boxes. When she heard Glasses speak up again, "Hi." Penny smiled somewhat amused, "Hi?"

"I don't mean to interrupt, I live across the hall," he pointed to Apartment 4B.

"Oh, that's nice," Penny replied she really wasn't all that interested, but Sheldon told her it's practically in her job description to 'be nice', so she decided to throw the poor guy a bone, and introduce herself first since he's obviously too shy to, "Oh, okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbour, Penny."

"Leonard Hofstadter," Glasses introduced himself, "This is my friend, Howard Wolowitz. We're scientists."

Penny waved, "Hi."

Leonard sheepishly replied, "Hi." Howard grinned, "Hi."

Penny was amused by how dumbstruck these two scientists were around her; smart they may be, but socially-skilled, not one iota.

"Hi," Leonard said again, "Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building."

Penny smiled, "Thank you, maybe we can have coffee sometime." Leonard beamed, "Oh, great."

"Well I should get back to these boxes," Penny said dismissively, pointing to her many boxes. "Oh uh… yeah sorry to keep you. Bye." Leonard apologised and he and Howard went into 4B.

Once inside the apartment, Leonard smiled dreamily against his door, "She is the woman for me, she is the woman I'm gonna marry. Our babies will be smart and beautiful."

Howard snickered.

"What? What you don't think I can land a girl like her?" Leonard gestured at the door. "Not unless she gets a divorce first, bud. I saw the ring."

"Wah, really? Damn it," Leonard sighed defeated and went to open the takeout.

Partway through their meal, Leonard spoke, "If she's married where's her husband? Why would he just leave her to unpack alone?"

"I don't know and how should I know?" Howard says spooning into his Biryani. "Maybe you saw costume jewellery rings," Leonard said hopefully.

Howard chuckled, his friend was really hung up on his new neighbour. "Not unless they make costume jewellery in at least three carats now, dude."

They then hear a noise outside, they run out to see what the commotion is, they see Penny looking like she's directing traffic as two men carry an unassembled entertainment centre up to the landing.

"Almost there, one more step Sheldon, careful," Penny directs.

Once Sheldon is on the landing the men set it down and he pulls and while the other man pushes it firmly onto the landing.

"God damn," Leonard and Howard hear as the man assisting comes into view, "Penny, I don't know why you wanted this entertainment centre, but Jesus that thing is probably heavier than the MOAB."

Sheldon laughs. Penny giggles and sees that they have company.

"Oh hi guys, perfect timing. Come over here, I'd like you to meet my husband and his friend. Honey, this is Leonard Hofstadter, our neighbour across the hall, and his friend Howard Wolowitz," Penny introduces.

Sheldon chuckles, "Hofstadter, huh? Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" Sheldon is met with a blank stare and silence, "I guess not," he chuckles, "Marine Corps Staff Sergeant Sheldon Cooper, nice to meet you," he extends his hand for Leonard to shake, which Leonard shakes loosely, "Quite the grip you got there, Lennie," Sheldon jokes.

"Sheldon, be nice," Penny admonishes. Sheldon then shakes Howard's hand.

Michael then introduces himself having climbed the last few steps to the landing, "Marine Corps Sergeant Michael Clarke." Leonard again shakes his hand weakly, while Howard shakes it with vigour.

"Umm, I should get him inside," Howard excuses, "I think his blood sugar's a little low." Howard drags Leonard back into 4B to the confused look of the three onlookers.

Once inside 4B, Howard lightly slaps Leonard's cheek a few times. "You okay there, Leonard, you just sort of zoned out back there."

"Son of a bitch… not only is she married, but she's also married to a goddamn Marine!" "Yeah so? Plenty of other fish in the sea."

Leonard shakes his head to clear it, "But don't you see she's perfect," he whines.

Howard puts his hands up to stop his friend, "Whoa, you don't know that. You only met her today and for a few minutes. And let me preempt any thoughts you might have of pursuing a married woman; A) she's married, B) she's married to a Marine who by the looks of things is pretty damn scary, and if he wasn't his friend and any other friends he might have probably are, C) you know nothing about this woman, and D) the last time you went after a woman blindly you ended up wrecking the elevator. If you go after this woman, I'm pretty sure this time you'll end up in a body bag."

Leonard sighs and heads over to his couch and sits down, "Yeah, it just sucks she's with some airy jarhead rather than someone smart, like me."

Howard was confused, "What makes you think he's an airy jarhead? Marines, hell, all military personnel are required to have additional educational or PD training. And the machinery they use is pretty advanced."

Leonard shrugs, "Still I think she deserves someone better."

Howard shook his head, he's seen this before; every time Leonard shows interest in a woman and she turns out to be unavailable in some way or another he mopes and starts saying ridiculous things about the partner. "Look Leonard, I'm bummed for you that Penny's already taken but you can't keep doing this; you know, making baseless generalisations about people you know nothing about. Is her husband smart or not, I don't know—we might be smarter, but I don't know—I do know he is a hell of a lot braver than you or me. Anybody ready and willing to charge into a war zone in defence of their country is deserving of that respect at the very least. You need to realise that your neighbour is off the market and move on or like I said, you'll probably find yourself in a world of hurt or worse a body bag." He stood to leave, "I'm gonna head out, see you at work tomorrow."

Once Howard left, Leonard thought over his friend's advice he knew he should follow it, but he couldn't help himself. She's so pretty and probably dynamite in the sack. He sat on his couch thinking of ways he could get closer to Penny; even her name was pretty. Finally, he came up with the play-it-cool approach. He'd start small, smiles and waves in the mornings as they leave for work, idle chit-chat if he happens to run into her on the stairs, and then work up to that coffee invite. Once on the coffee date, he'll charm her with his best boyish grins and puppy-dog eyes— women he's dated in the past seemed to get a kick out of that—and see if he can't needle any information that could cause a schism in their marriage. Yes, he knows it's drastic but, all's fair in love and war. With his plan decided he decided to daydream the rest of his Sunday away with his new neighbour as the star, the more he daydreamed the dirtier they got.

For the next two weeks though, he couldn't implement his plan, he occasionally heard them next door at night because he could hear their TV, but he never saw them. He began to wonder if his encounter with the pretty blonde and her husband was a very lucid apparition. He decided to change tactics after that, he would steal their mail and force them to come to him. For the next three days when he went to his mailbox, he took his and theirs too. And it worked, after the third day, Penny knocked on his door.

"Hi Leonard, you have a minute?"

"For you, I have all day," he replied as smoothly as possible leaning against his door jamb.

"Right… anyway, have you been getting your mail because every time I go down and check ours it's empty."

"I've been getting mine every day, mostly bills and ads you know," he shrugged.

"Huh," Penny shrugged, "Okay well, thanks. I guess I'll talk with the landlord and the postman tomorrow, and see what's going on."

Leonard went white, stealing mail was a felony. He then stuck his head inside and rooted around and came up with three days worth of Sheldon and Penny's mail. "Oh wait, here it is, I must have taken yours by mistake along with mine. I've been on cruise control these last few days because work's been so hectic, running a ton of experiments and stuff." He humbly bragged and handed over her mail.

"Yeah… thanks." She said flatly and turned and left.

Once she was gone, he went into his apartment and cursed himself for ever doing something so stupid.

***

"I see you found the mail," Sheldon said from the kitchen island.

"Yeah, Leonard had it. You were right," Penny sighed as she dropped the mail onto the island counter.

"Of course, I am Penny. Now how are you going to repay me?"

Penny smirks and runs a finger along his jaw. "Oh, I can think of a few things, Staff Sergeant."

Sheldon chuckles, "I look forward to the things then," he says in an amused Texas drawl, then cleared his throat, "But I think I better go and have a talk with our little mail thief."

Penny is halfway down the hall, "Don't keep me waiting." Sheldon growls amused, then heads next door.

He knocks and a minute later it opens.

"Hey there, neighbour or do you prefer mail stealer?" Sheldon greeted.

Leonard's face went ashen looking up at the tall Marine glaring down at him. "Listen, it was an honest mistake…"

"I don't give a rat's ass if it was or wasn't, I'm just here to make sure it doesn't happen again. Will

it?"

Leonard shook his head no as quickly as possible.

"Good, now the question becomes why? Why did you start stealin' my mail, to begin with?" Leonard caught the twang of a Southern accent.

"I-I…," Leonard stammered.

"You-you what?" Sheldon asked impatiently.

"I just wanted an excuse to talk to Penny," Leonard said quickly and shielded his face with his hands. He waited for the hit which didn't come instead he heard laughter.

"So, not only are you a little creep who thinks committing felonies is fun, but you're also afraid to talk to girls. As my grandmother would say, 'that there's a hoot an' a half'. You know, if you want to get to know us, all you need to be is neighbourly, no need to resort to coming up with some hare- brained scheme like stealing mail to talk to my wife," His jovial tone suddenly turned serious, "But I'm warning you now, Hofstadter, if any more 'bright ideas' of yours interferes with our daily life, you are going to have me and the boys to deal with, understand?"

Leonard nodded furiously.

"All right. Well, good night, neighbour."

***

That night in bed, Sheldon comments, "Our new neighbour is a little creep. You know why he stole our mail; to have an excuse to talk to you. He doesn't strike me as the violent type, but still given the opportunity he'll force himself on you."

Penny chuckles, "If he tries that, that'll be the end of his family line."

"I'm being serious, Penny, this guy is exhibiting some very disturbing sociopathic tendencies, particularly toward women. It makes me wonder if he's a sex offender or something, it might be worth looking into."

"Okay honey, I'll be extra careful around the guy in 4B. God, that sounds like a cheesy horror movie title," Penny snickers.

Sheldon chuckles too and pulls his wife in closer to him.