me and my bothers beginning

so this is what i know my brother name donny came from our real father Donald Dixon he was born first on December 4th 1994 though i was born February 11th 1998 in a bathtub in Sonoma County and my first real name was Hellena Margaret Delores dixon my real moms name is Sarah Dixon honestly i don't know much about either of them but i do know that they starved us and our mother sexually traumatized my brother and if we cried we got locked in a closet. When i was almost 2 we were took to foster care for maybe 2 or 3 days when john and karen came to adopt a girl. He was having issues getting her pregnant but they want to met me i had a cast on my arm because someone at foster care was trying to separate my brother and me but i wouldn't let go even if was broken. right in front of my new mom and dad know. but just a little child shouldn't understand reality at that young age it had causes so much pain.

but they wouldn't know it then so i turn three we went out to pizza factory when it was still at the Safeway lot i met so many new people my dads mother and father they gave me a red and white big. monkey very close to my hight but i was taller and i named him smegul off of lords of rings also the day we went to see it in theater and i still have him. i have forgotten mostly everything but the pain till i remember living in Standish in 2004 i like finding arrow heads granite and making half made arrows and fond out i loved spiders enough to accidentally chewed a black widow and very shortly after my mom was pregnant other people could tell that they didn't pay much mention to me or my brother unless we got hurt or made trouble or outside really late i had one day got bit in the but by a wild dog but found out i hated and feared needles but i had to get a shot just in case so i didn't get rabies after my 4th birthday. on the 20th Abbey or Abigail was born but we went to and Debbie and uncle kevin house they have two kids both boys older to brent and ryan and still cant remember more about them but when i was four dad got me a pony but little did i know that pony on one day i got kicked in the face and i could have died but uncle kin got to me and took me to the a personal clinic when it was 5 and i had surgery because my belly button burst open from having a hernia that wasn't took care of sooner. after that for a long time i wasn't able to see okey i had bad vision so i had to get lazer sugary on my eyes but still had glasses then but they tried to inrole me at Shaffer i was only there for 1st grade. plus we had to move. because the house was getting old and move somewhere in li Well my brother got in trouble for something. plus we move somewhere in Litchfield aslo were my horse cast was put down. but we lived there temporally then we moved right above my grandma and grandpa's house. my brother and i loved it there it was way more better so we love exploring and we found three places to hangout at well i named then the big rocks and the bigger and badder rocks i was 4 plus the creek behind grandmas the have a wood two house we had to change schools and started second grade at Richmond my teacher mis Meran was grouchy and the special ed teacher mis sella she was kinda scare just to indicate the kids to not misbehavior i remember there was 7 kids that went there the whole time a i was the only kids that was a girl out of everone my brother 2 boy in my class Andreas and Kennedy johnson 1 guy i had a chrush on i was a good student in class but not on the playground i was always getting bullied by upper classmates but only a few kids in my stood up for me in my class Rebecca halley Fleming john cook my cousins Jonathan and jordan and jacob Atkinson but that could save my from myself when i was playing football but look to see how big the tether ball line was someone yell my name but i wasn't ready to cetch the ball hit me in my left eye and having to see my brother punch how did it that all i saw or remember third or 4th grade much but the class trips and first trip was Sutters fort we had memories the person we picked i was sacachoia and had a long ride in sarah the blonde one moms car we watch movies and i slept most of the ride warning dont gorge on lemon drop that after affect it so embarrassing but the second school trip 5th or 6th grade i went to a camp ground with one other school dimond view i met a boy named vinny that night everyone star gazed i had my first kiss found out he got to the horse program at the college dad takes me the all the time my cousins broke is a newbie with bullriding and vinny was Brock's friend any time i was able to be around them i was but i became stockish and they they both avoiding me like the plague . when i was six i was having feeling for my brother but though he took it to far that i even started getting my periods at six to they were so painful i had to stay home sick my mom kept lieing to the principle with was a male later on that year me and him were caught haveing sex by dad and what he did to him i could never forget with the spicky belt over and over spanked him as i watch screaming no daddy please stop he only stopped when he saw blood and told my he was forcing him on me but donny never forced me i asked for it but he was the only one punished harshly my called the cops the told what they want and he was took to juvi and he wasnt allowed to see me or talk to me. i started acting out and stealing and lieing so mom said i cant handle her anymore the had my aunt netty take me for a year left at seven then they sent me to some couples place they only kept me nine months the at ten i move to my first group home in Turlock the first few week i did nothing by stay quiet and cry myself to sleep i was the goody good in a level 14 were iv witness girls getting restande and there was a carpet wall were most of it happens the only times i was restrained when was the only girl at the house with a staff named chris he was forcing himself on me and raping me when he had the chance but he said if i told anyone the wont believe you i was glad i only stay there for a year. they moved my to the ark in susanville the ower sandy harkness old lady had like a farm there were peacock only one white one alot of stuffs animes and had ackers of land and lots of family she made it home for me i met so meany staff and girls there but i was more free and happy i was allowed to have my horses arpe and Gorga there with me Sandy's dughter wendey here 3 kids john was the youngest but Hannah was my age and her other duaghter emma was the one to take us riding but the punishments were odd we had to rack all the leafs and bird dodo up and the actually could take day to finish 2014 sandy passed away i died a little started selfharming and my mom and dad had me at home for 3 mouths. before the sent me to charis youth center in grass valley. i was 15. moved there i think July 10th first thing they do is ask me to take off my clothes and change into a gray polo and pants they said my hair was to long so they had someone cut it at my ponytail and everyday was the same routine was up at 5:00take a shower only was alowed 15 minutes and 45 minutes to eaten 30 minute to get clean our room before morning staff came to start chorse and 7 15 head to school first thing we get there the biulding had two side girls and boy were also not alowed to be in the same place there are two girl and guy house girl house koininia and petra guys are Diego and nekao the place was kinda like being in jail so many rules and for punishments minor was small thing major were like petty actions like lieing stealing provoking someone agueing and restoration we call it resto for short and close watch if you selfharem or awal. i hardly got into big trouble the worst situation was when i throw a table at my staff natalie but i stated 4