THE LAST SONG
His voice was beautiful until the very end.
Jungkook's singing was that of an angel's. Beautiful, clear, and it filled your heart with so much love. You listened to your boyfriend's voice everyday, and still never grew tired of it no matter how much you played the same songs on repeat.
You hummed along to the sweet tune of his song that he composed just for you, that was portrayed through your damaged earbuds as you walk out of the grocery store. The sweet scent of blooming sakura blossoms in April filled your nostrils and the glistening dew on the tip of each individual grass blade added to the environment.
—
10 minutes later
"Jungkook, I'm back from the store,"
You say as he snaps his head up. He was playing his guitar that you got for him on his 20th birthday.
"Jagiya~ I was practicing a song for you!"
Your eyes widen, as your cheeks turn bright pink, then smiling, as you sit beside him, crossing you legs as you anticipate to hear his soft voice.
He strums the first few chords and you already get chills. He then takes a quiet breath and sings to you.
"When you call my name, my heart feels complete
Your breathing on my chest makes my knees weak
Thinking of you makes my heart beat
As your name is the last word I mutter before drifting into sleep
Time was destiny when we met
The first day with you is something I will never forget
You changing my mindset
Now until the end of time, like my train of thought reset
Like waves of the ocean
My feelings washing on the shore
Truly making me begin
I'll always protect you is what I swore
And I will until my days are over
You changed me for the better
Healed my scars and pain
So accept my love letter
As we spread our angelic wings
I love you"
Those last three words came out quiet and raspy. You feel your heart beat hard as you shut your eyes and tilt your head to the right, resting your head on our boyfriend's shoulder.
He tries to hide his tears. But he can't. He let his tears flood his eyes, which rolled down his cheeks, eventually meeting at his chin where they dripped off his face. He lowers his head and quietly sobs, stroking your head gently.
You slowly drift off into sleep...
Just as his cracking and breaking voice says "I need to tell you something."
the next day, 9:16 am
Your sleepy eyes slowly open. You awake to the sound of canaries chirping to each other. You notice the absence of Jungkook's warm body, which makes your heart feel slightly empty.
"Jungkook? Where have you gone?"
You slowly meander to the kitchen, half asleep. You turn on the sink, feeling refreshed as the cold water hits you. You look up to the fridge, to find a note.
It was Jungkook's messy, yet cute, handwriting. You slowly remove the piece of paper from the fridge, having the tape peel off being the only sound audible.
"Jagi.
When you fell asleep, I was meaning to tell you something...
But I didn't have the heart to say it out loud. I'm sorry, I'm such a weak person.
For a long time I've felt discomfort in my throat. I soon went to a doctor to see if everything was okay. And it was the farthest from.
I was diagnosed with a throat tumour last Spring.
I could have gotten it removed when it had done no harm; but that would permanently damage my vocal chords.
If I were not to get it removed, I could still sing such sweet melodies to you; the ones you'd love to hear.
But, that would slowly kill me within one year.
I'm sorry for everything. If you were to forget me it would save you all the pain. Please do me a favour and move on."
You notice two teardrops on the bottom of the page.
You added to the collection, your eyes spilling tears uncontrollably.
Falling to your knees, losing all strength in your body, you cry. You were losing him.
You run to your car in tears. Your face flooded and dripping wet.
Putting the keys into the ignition, you start the car. Turning on the radio to try and distract you, even though you knew it wouldn't work. Flipping through the channels, you hear a song by Jungkook, which adds to your unbearable sadness.
You reach the hospital, almost yelling at the secretary at the front desk to ask where your boyfriend's room is. After hearing the room, you sprint up the stairs, leaving a trail of tears behind you as you run to the third floor.
You slow your pace as you drew nearer to Jungkook's hospital room. You stare at the door, holding your breath, until you finally enter the bright, sunny enclosure. Turning your head to the left, you see your boyfriend with all sorts of machinery surrounding him, as he breathes gently in his light sleep.
You set your bag aside and kneel beside Jungkook. You intwine fingers with him as the beep of his heart rate remains steady. You rest your head on his chest, ever so slightly moving up and down, using your free hand to stroke his hair.
The tears flow again, as you take time to reflect on everything;
"Why would he do this?
giving his life to sing for me?
he could have carried on, living a beautiful, long life.
why would he end it
all for my love for his music?"
[...]
You tighten the grasp of his hand, eventually having his tired eyes slowly open. He feels you on him, and knows it's you without needing to see. He wraps an arm around you and subtly smiles. That one joyful smile let tears out of his eyes as he takes a deep breath.
he sings
"Like waves of the ocean
My feelings washing on the shore
Truly making me begin
I'll always protect you is what I swore
And I will until my days are over"
His voice cracked and broke multiple times, sometimes there'd be a melody and sometimes he'd whisper. Nonetheless, you took every word to heart. Jungkook then placed a hand on your cheek and raised your head up, seeing the shining tears on your face glisten from the spring sunlight.
"Jagi, I'm sorry for everything. I know how much my voice means to you and how you fall asleep to it. I know you endlessly repeat that playlist of my songs for you. I loved seeing that sparkle in your eyes when I composed a new track. I... couldn't take that away from you."
You stand up, grabbing Jungkook's right hand with both of your hands. You let the tears fall again, then silently head out of the room, grabbing your bag, and telling him "I'll be back," just as you leave the room.
Just as you step foot outside, the clouds start lightly spitting rain. Waiting for a chain of cars to pass, you look down at your feet and just reminisce to all the memories that you never wanted to forget with Jungkook. The times when you had problems with each other, the times you were both sad, the times you were both joyful, the times you were both being idiots... all of your memories with him condensed into a few seconds in your train of thought. Finally, you're able to cross and you get into your car.
—
10 minutes later
You arrive home and pick up the guitar that Jungkook cherished with his life.
Carefully placing it in its case, which is decorated with photos of you and him, along with stickers and a few other miscellaneous details. You're about to leave back to the hospital, but the heavy thunder & lightning storm, which made the lights flicker and trees wave, said otherwise.
The whole rest of the day was a blurry mixture of crying, headaches, screaming, silence, happiness, sadness, peace and conflict. Everything that was lurking in your mind after all that's happened.
You eventually fall asleep on the floor, shivering. With your breathing ragged, you fall into the possession of a deep sleep.
—
The next day
You wake up to the sound of your alarm. You set it to your favourite song Jungkook composed for you; you would have rather heard the shrilling ring of that default ringer.
You get up, proceed with your morning routine, and head towards the living room. You heard a familiar voice call.
"Jagiya~"
You snap your body 180 degrees and see him. The love of your life, Jungkook.
You run into his arms. You feel safe and sound, having this being the best feeling in the world. You squeeze him tightly; you missed being able to do this.
You pull away.
"How are you here?"
"There was a small ray of hope left. A one in one million chance of being able to survive the surgery, even after it was deemed as incurable."
The soothing voice said
"You're safe with me, and I will never let you go ever again."
You hug him again. But then-
—
You jump up, as you were lying on the floor when you regained consciousness.
"Jungkook!"
You run around.
"Jungkook?"
You check every inch of the house.
It dawned upon you like the sea's tide hitting the shore. Was it real? No. Getting your hopes up was the stupidest thing you could have done in reality, even after you knew it was a dream.
That moment of harsh realization.
For the second time you felt like your whole body fell apart.
You notice the clear skies of April. The peaceful falling of each Sakura petal, in contrast to the devastating situation you were stuck in.
You grab the guitar case and run out of the house in tears. Trying to fight the never ending pain, slowly eating away at your soul inside, you drive to the hospital.
—
You've arrived.
Walking up the stairs, hauling the guitar case with you, you wipe away your tears with your arm.
Soon, standing right in front of the door, you put on the brightest smile you could.
You enter the room, and Jungkook was such a sorry sight.
His hair colour was saturated, skin pasty and pale, lips chapped and hinted gray, and and his body too skinny to be healthy. One glance in his eyes and you could see any life drained away from them.
You stand up straight and smile at him. His reaction was delayed and you could tell he wasn't anywhere near okay. His eyes portray happiness as he quietly whispers
"Jagi."
You walk towards him, taking the guitar out of its case. You kneel down beside his hospital bed, positioning the instrument in your arms to be played.
"Jagi, what are you—"
You strum the first chords and Jungkook instantly knows the song you're playing to him.
The one that he played to you.
Your voice, loud and clear, sings the first set of lyrics.
"When you call my name, my heart feels complete
Your breathing on my chest makes my knees weak
Thinking of you makes my heart beat
As your name is the last word I mutter before drifting into sleep."
He looks astonished and surprised as you continue.
"Time was destiny when we met
The first day with you is something I will never forget
You changing my mindset
Now until the end of time, like my train of thought reset."
Tears endlessly spilled from both of the corners of Jungkook's eyes. He then gives a weak smile, after focusing on your grin.
You and Jungkook sang the next part, his voice being much quieter and weaker than usual.
"Like waves of the ocean
My feelings washing on the shore
Truly making me begin
I'll always protect you is what I swore
And I will until my days are over"
The way Jungkook sung that last sentence, louder and stronger, made your eyes glisten in tears. Your smile did it falter, though.
For the last part, you let only Jungkook sing as you played along.
"You changed me for the better
Healed my scars and pain
So accept my love letter
As we spread our angelic wings"
You could tell in his voice he almost reached the end, yet so desperately singing for only you.; his arms no longer supported him as his voice became a raspy whisper, no longer containing a tune.
He needed to finish the very last line, is what he thought to himself.
"I.."
The heartbeat monitor became unsteady.
"Love..."
As you caress his cheek,
"Y—"
His eyelids covered his soulless eyes, just before he could finish.
The absent beeping noise, faded away, contributed to the silence.
His voice was beautiful until the very end.