Chapter 1

"Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good action in others." by Plato

"If only that applied to everyone in the world or at least everyone around me." I thought to myself in my head.

"Don't forget to finish cleaning the kitchen, the bedrooms, gather the laundry, clean the restrooms, bathe the dogs, wash the cars, and make dinner." A short plump lady with red hair well-dressed retorted. 

"Yes mother" I whispered in discontent. 

"Don't call me that! I stopped being your mother when you became a disgrace to our family, you should've never been born!"

She shrieked in a fit of pique, giving a disgusted look into my eyes.

The words echoed throughout the big modern kitchen, the surroundings filled with an overwhelming aura of despair and sadness. I've never been the type to refuse or argue about anything in my life. I'm what you might call a people pleaser, I can't say no to anything people ask me to do.

Things haven't always been bad, there was a time when I was loved and cared for. Things came to change when I decided to tell my family I was gay. I know in this time and age, who would be so close-minded to disown their child for a sexual preference? I come from what you would call an old fashion Latino family, and if you know anything about Latino families, they're overly protective, old fashion, prejudiced, and super religious. I don't like to generalize but it's mostly how it is. Although they tend to bring religion mainly when it's most beneficial to them in that manner, they tend to be hypocritical.

I'm a seventeen-year-old who has never asked for anything out of the ordinary. I'm a shot-in type of kid who's a sucker for a good book. I'm the oldest of three children and the example to be. I must be Mr. Perfect at all times, which I'm not. My two siblings whom I adore, are my strength and the reason I endure so many hardships from my mother and the rest of my family. My two siblings do support me and love me, they were the first to know about who I truly am. It was hard having to tell them; I didn't know how to fill them in without stepping out of line.

A little something about my siblings and I. Amia is the second oldest, she's thirteen years old, just started middle school, she's smart, outgoing, very independent, affable outspoken young lady. I knew she wasn't going to react negatively to what I had to tell her, she's the type of girl who cares too much about fairness and justice. Her 5'1 stature doesn't help much but her big round dark brown eyes are very intimidating, especially when she's mad. She's able to emit what she feels through her eyes. It's a quality my mother, my siblings, and I share in common. I feel sorry for the man who decides to be with her. She tends to be too headstrong most of the time.

My wonderful, precious, little handsome prince baby brother, Valerio. He's just the most adorable kid you'll ever meet. He just turned 8 last August, he has the power to make everyone do his bidding, he can make you or destroy you in mere seconds; he's no normal eight year old. His determination to get what he wants is unwavering and he's one of the most ruthless kids anyone can ever meet. At the same time, he's also the most adorable kid ever. He's 4'4, light brown hair and when the light is hitting his adorable head it seems like his hair changes color to a golden sunset brown, a smile so perfect it's as if he was sculpted by a Greek God. He also has dark brown eyes that can make you fall in his depths.

I'm nothing special. I'm 5'9, have light brown hair, maple syrup eye color, and you might say I have a devilish smile. We're a normal Latino family, nothing out of the ordinary.

The day I decided to come out to my brother and sister, I didn't know how to tell them or if I should at all. I didn't know how they would take it or what they would think of me. I was scared of losing them because I felt like I was being selfish for wanting to come out and try to be true to myself.

I wanted to experience and know what's like to have a boyfriend, go out in public, hold hands, cuddle while watching a movie with popcorn, and lots of junk food. I would see everyone around me experiencing life and putting themselves out there in some kind of shape or form, I wanted that, I really did. I kept talking myself, making excuses to avoid telling everyone for about five months. I was trying to find the right time or chance to tell my family. As you can guess, I never found the appropriate time to do so. It was hard, but what kind of brother would I be if I couldn't even overcome a simple obstacle. As a result, I called Amia and Valerio to my room so I could tell them who I really am.

"Valerio, do you have a minute? I want to talk to you and Amia." I said nervously while standing outside near Valerio's room.

"Amia, could you please come to my room? There's something I have to talk to you about and don't lock yourself in the room. You know how mom feels about that." I shouted from the other side of the locked door of her bedroom.

"What do you need? I'm super busy at the moment," Amia hissed with annoyance.

"Talking with your pet boyfriend isn't being busy as you say." Valerio shamelessly retorted back at her.

"You little rugrat!" Amia yelled irritated.

"Guys, please calm yourselves. There's something I must tell you and it's already really hard for me. Don't make it worst." I said stuttering nervously.

"Please don't say you're leaving us, please. I'll behave, you won't have any more complaints from anyone. Just don't leave me, I won't fight with Amia. I'll even tell her how pretty and nice she is even though it's a lie, just don't leave." Valerio cried out instantly.

"He's not leaving us you nitwit!" Amia exclaimed doubtfully while giving me a yearning look.

"First of all, I don't want you guys to see me differently after what I'm about to tell you. This will change things around here, especially since we have a very old fashion family. Just know that I will respect what you both feel. I'm really sorry. I really hoped I could change and not have to put you through all this." I said apprehensively.

The whole room started to feel smaller and smaller by the second. Cold sweat kept descending from my forehead. The room, wanting to start swirling little by little. My heart rhythm rapidly changed, breath escaping my lungs with no return. Chills kept running down my spine like shocks of faint electrical surges. I felt how the color in my face drastically changed. I felt how an internal battle commenced.

"Is this the end? Why do I feel like this? Am I dying? Why am I so scared? Why… No, it's just a panic attack. I'm ok, snap out of it already!" I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breath and calm myself from what was about to transpire. Once my heartbeat was finally back to normal, I looked up. What I saw right in-front of me was heartbreaking. I see two big widen dark brown eyes looking at me, full of worry and distress. My dear Valerio was on the brink of tears. How could I do this to my dear wonderful little brother, I couldn't believe what I was doing to him. Suddenly, I just feel how a warm embrace enveloped me.

"So, it's that serious?" Amia said with a trepidatious tone. She looked down and grabbed something from her pocket, turning off the long slim gadget.

"Wait you… You turned off your phone Amia?" Valerio uttered with disbelief.

"I know, I don't have to say it, but you have our undivided and unwavering attention." Amia stoutly exclaimed.

Before I could continue to speak, Amia said with a strong affirming tone, "Hey Siri lock front lock and turn on the alarm."

Valerio was stunted, he had never seen Amia so serious and parlous. Yes, she was caring when she wanted to be but seeing how much thought she was putting into it, it was astonishing

"We probably have about 30 minutes till mom gets back from the supermarket, so tell us, how can we help and what do you want us to do?" Amia said with worriedly but with a caring voice. It felt like if they were ready to kill someone. It gave me chills when the words came out of her mouth. Her reaction at everything left me without any words.

"I've been meaning to tell you something. I couldn't find the courage or words to say it, but I think it's time." I said with an uneasy voice.

"Mando, don't think about it, just say it. I know it's easier said than done but just say it once, that's all you need to do." Amia said with uneasy eyes

"I'm… g… g… gay!" I shouted without thinking with both my eyes shut, not wanting to open my eyes because of the fear of them rejecting me. After a small silence of moment, I just opened one eye slowly. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, time seemed to stay still. Everything seem to go in slow motion, and I hate it every passing millisecond.