The Determination of Kiriyama Naru

I didn't sleep at all, the morning is here already so I have to be ready...

"maybe I can cancel it?"

Yeah, everytime I try to confess something bad happens so it's better to just stop right...?

as I was thinking about giving up I got a message from Sawano

"I already told Makoto that the three of us are going so giving up isn't a choice"

Tch this bastard doing this without my permission what does he think about me? I'm Kiriyama Naru the girl that always stand up no matter how many times she falls

I stood up from my bed and tried my best to calm my heart

"it's fine, I'm going to be rejected that's a fact, I have to understand that first"

hope is such a disgusting thing, no matter how many times I try to kill it I start thinking about dating Makoto...

after spending two hours deciding what to wear I finally left my house

"I'm going out"

no reply, that's obvious since there's nobody there,there's water on my cheek but I'm sure I'm not crying, I got used to it!

I looked at the sky, rain is going to start soon, I checked everything and they said it's gonna be sunny so why!?

"why is it always like this...?"

A light appeared in the sky, all the clouds disappeared as if they didn't exist

"was it my Imagination?"

no that's not the problem now, I need to wear the yukata as fast as I can, since I don't have anyone to borrow from I need to rent one as soon as possible!

***

"sorry the everything is reserved already.."

Damn, this is the third one already and I didn't get anything...I should have prepared this beforehand,as I walked out of the store with tears in my eyes the worker stopped me suddenly

"we got a call right now that one of our reservations is not coming so we can give you one, you're really lucky"

l-lucky? that's the first time something like this happen I don't know how to react

"thank you"

I bowed with a smile I couldn't hide, maybe this is going to work..maybe there's a chance!

after finishing the yukata I got a call from Makoto, I calmed my breaths so he doesn't think that I'm weird.

"Herro?"

I fucked up, why is it wo hard to talk??

"hey Naru, you're coming to the festival right?"

"yez"

"that's good, that idiot Aru said that he can't come so it's only us, you're fine with it?"

"Gladly!"

that's not the right answer! I don't even know what I'm doing...

"I'll see you in an hour then"

an hour?? it took me so long to find a yukata that I forgot to check the time, what I'm I going to do?

I started running as fast as I can to reach the station, the trains stopped working today, and the traffic is so bad I don't think a Taxi can work...

again, and again why is everything going like this?

"do you need a ride?"

I looked up to the voice, Sawano was riding a bike with a smile on his face

"do you have a license...?"

"you won't be in time if you're going to be picky!"

this boy, I hate how he do things like this...but I don't have a choice do I?

"it's hard riding a bike with a yukata so please don't try to act cool"

"don't worry I'm not acting cool"

as he finished saying that, the bike started going with a speed I never felt before

"I AM COOL"

that what's I hate about him the most! he's so childish that we're going to die because of it!

I closed my eyes and started praying so he can be the only one to die

before I can realize we're already close to the place, there's no way he was driving as a good citizen

"that's the most I can help you now, if I got any closer Makoto will see me so you have to go on foot"

"yes I understand"

I started moving, my body is stiff, every muscle is screaming I feel like throwing up...

"Hey Kiriyama "

I turned to see what he wants, he didn't day anything for a while but then continued

"I'll comfort you after the rejection so don't worry about it"

"Huh? do you have a death wish?!"

he ignored me and went away, honestly this little....I'm not nervous anymore. I see that what he wanted.

I took a lonf breath and started to walk confidentially this time, the results doesn't matter the most important thing is that I won't regret anything.

***

after some minutes Makoto arrived, surprisingly he's also wearing a yukata,I used it to start a conversation

"I didn't know you would wear a yukata too, I thought only girls do that nowadays"

he's blushing a little, is he embarrassed by it this much?

"Aru said that he reserved one so it would be a waste if no one used it"

it's Sawano again...I wonder how much did he do without my knowledge? I feel happy that I told him.

spending time with Makoto..just like the days when we were childs...now that I look at it I loved him as far as I remember.

when I was lonely he will always come to play with me, he will give me his food if I forgot to bring mine...he's always Makoto

should I really put our relationship in danger...? no I can't think like this!

I grabbed his hand tightly, he's confused put I made my mind

"I don't want to get separated so let's keep it like this"

"S-sure..."

his hand is so big and warm....I wish he wouldn't be able to notice my sweat..

after checking stalls around he guided me to a place where we can watch the fireworks clearly

I noticed both the nerdy girl and the purple senpai here but they were always focused on something else so they didn't block our way

"that's really my lucky day"

"is that so? I guess I was lucky too today, I got sick and recovered after a single hour and everything else was going smoothly"

we reached the place that Makoto talked about, it's far from the stalls but I wonder if we really can see fireworks from here...

"don't worry Aru never told me something wrong!"

after hearing Sawano's name I felt a bit relieved...when did my trust in him become so strong?

time passed by, the fireworks are already 10 minutes late...should I just take the chance and confess?

"Hey Makoto...?"

"Hmmm?"

"..."

I can't say it, a I think about now is running away, I can't do it...I can't sacrifice our current relationship, if I confess now there's no way we can keep being together like this...I'm sorry Sawano but I really can't d-

I heard a loud explosion, the fire in the sky drew a heart, there's no way someone can see this from the stalls, it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen

the sky turned red by the fire going in the sky, such a beautiful thing..between athe hearts a single sentence appears

[No regrets]

that's all I needed,I don't need to hold back anymore

"I love you"

there's no need to be scared, I'm going to do what I believe is right, I locked my eyes with the man sitting next to me,he seems to be confused but I didn't give him the chance to process everything

"as long as I remember I always loved you, I love everything about you, I always tried my best to be with you, when I was all alone you always were there for me, you helped me out when even I didn't know that I needed help...I always loved you, and will always love you"

I did it, he definitely heard me, I succeeded!

"I'm sorry..."

***

in a park that isn't far from my house I watched the sky of the night, stars are in no place to be seen

a boy took a place next to me casually, I didn't want to see him...not now.

"you did well, you should be proud"

I didn't tell him the result so why is he so sure I lost..I guess my face says it all huh?

"sorry, even though you did everything for me it'sall for nothing"

Makoto said that he didn't see me romantically so he can't accept my feelings, I knew it before going in so why does it hurt so much?

"it's not for nothing but it's just a step forward, you can't give up isn't thatyour only weapon?"

yeah he's right, It's not over yet I still can win

"I didn't ask for your comfort!"

he didn't answer me at all but looked at my eyes

"it's okay to cry"

I wanted to act strong for a little bit more, so why should you say this.

I didn't shed a single tear until now, but once a single one comes out I couldn't control anymore

I cried, I cried my lungs out without stopping, it's embarrassing I know that but I can't control it anymore.

Sawano listened to me talking about my feelings for a long time, I didn't stop crying at all I shouted as hard as I could, I didn't know it would hurt this much.

after I finished none of us talked...

"your yukata...is pretty"

"do you think I will fall for you now? wah that's actually disgusting "

"give me my time back you piece of shit! I'm just trying to be nice"

somehow fighting with him become something I don't want to lose, when did he become so important to me? that's disg-

No, I'm really grateful, because of him I can stand up again.

"Thank you Aru"