Lost Boy

Rain continues pouring even when it's past the middle of the night already, before I knew it I found myself in the balcony enjoying the feeling of the rain, my clothes were already wet so it didn't matter. I don't know when did it start but I'm enjoying this kind of weather, the sound of rain help me clear my mind since I have a lot to think about. become one with the nature, control your thoughts and suppress your feelings.

"..."

as I heard the door behind me open a little bit, the scent of the rain mixed with a nice scent, a girl glanced at me from the little gap, based on her looks she seemed to finish taking her bath already

"you will get sick you know..?"

she asked me quietly as if she didn't want to bother me

"I said it before, I'm immune to sickness"

"even so..."

she's still worried about me, I guess I have to go back inside I wouldn't like to bother someone who went out of their way to help me

after looking at me for a while Shin-senpai retreated without pushing the matter any further, I really appreciate it

after some minutes I stepped inside again after I dried my clothes making sure that it won't burn

I looked at the room that I wasn't familiar with, this is my first time coming here, I tried to reject it at first but Shin-senpai said that she wanted to repay me for last time when I allowed her to sleep in my house with Chi-senpai and Makoto.

Shin-senpai was sitting on her bed while playing with the black cat sitting on her lap, the room was pretty much small so I didn't find where to sit

"maybe I should really just go home..."

I tried to run away but Shin-senpai stopped me quickly

"you're not going to sleep yet right? just come here and sit"

she put her hand on the bed next to her, we did that before in my room but it feels wrong now..

"fine I guess..."

I just gave up and sat next to her, she smiled quietly and asked

"are you okay?"

"I said it already, I'm fine"

she put her hands on my face and forced me to look at her, with her eyes glowing in the darkness of the night she asked me again

"are you sure?"

"I..."

I can't say it, I'm not fine at all. I know that but I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore...who am I?

I tried to avoid looking at senpai's eyes but she started talking quietly

"I am selfish...but I want you to depend on me a little more, I want to help you as your friend"

friend..

"hey Shin-senpai"

"yes?"

"what is your biggest fear?"

her eyes widened a bit out of surprise but she quickly started thinking for an answer

"I don't really have anything special...maybe spiders?"

I see, that's pretty much an answer. but I doubt it's really her actual biggest fear even if she doesn't know the actual one yet

"I'm afraid...that someday I will be alone"

my body can regenerate very fast if I didn't stop it, faster than any disease can kill me. if I wasn't killed by some attack I don't see myself dying for at least 500 years more, I'll be all alone then...

"someday I will be alone, only the memories remain and I'm fine with it but...what if I forgot something important again?"

I always tried to avoid it, I didn't want to think about it but....who am I? this feeling of emptiness that won't go away no matter what

"I forgot everything,even though I know that it's something very important to me I can't know what it actually is, I lost everyone but I didn't even know who is "everyone", there's something different...but I don't know what it is"

once you let it out once everything becomes clearer, this feeling of emptiness inside me is eating me more and more, am I going to forget Nagisa too? if it's a bad memory am I just going to remove it?

"I am afraid of forgetting, but I'm more terrified by the idea of remembering, if I filled this emptiness...am I really me? or am I just going to dissappear if I've never existed...the empty me will just die...die alone"

I looked at my hand, it was trembling and I can clearly see the blood on it, a blood that I can't wash no matter how hard I tried

"..."

what am I doing? it doesn't have anything to do with Senpai. I shouldn't have talked.

"sorry about that, the rain has stopped so I am going home"

I tried to stand up quickly to get out of here before I die from embarrassment but I was stopped

"Stop"

Shin-senpai pulled my hand quickly

"aren't you going to take Nagisa?"

oh the cat, I completely forgot that I'm taking it home, I got closer to the cat but it ran away quickly

"you little.."

suddenly everything started moving...my head was pulled by Senpai to rest on her lap

"what are y-"

"did you see your face?"

"my face?"

she put her phone in front of my face showing me a boy with teary red eyes, he looked exhausted and sad...the boy in the phone screen was nothing more than a kid crying in his mother's lap

"I might do something inappropriate if you're open like this"

why did I say that?

"I know you won't"

"you are overestimating me here, what if I wasn't?"

stop talking already you're killing me, I couldn't control my mouth and continued talking about things I didn't want to say. but senpai's hand continued stroking my hair gently

"even though thst might be true, I chose to believe in you"

I can hear her heart beating faster and faster by the second, even her hand is trembling I can feel that she's scared, when did I become so weak?

"I hate myself"

"it's fine"

"I have the power to save everyone, it's my duty to save everyone, but I couldn't help a little girl crying right before my eyes"

"you did your best didn't you?"

"I did...but even though I tried so hard, I did my best...yet..."

"before talking about saving others why don't you save the closest to you first?"

"I failed...I never once succeeded in saving anything, I lost everything I worked so hard to protect"

Senpai's hand stopped moving for a while

"I'm not talking about others"

she put her hand on the top of my chest

"what about trying to save yourself first?"

"I don't deserve saving"

I betrayed everyone by forgetting about them, why should I be happy? isn't it a hero's duty to sacrifice their own lives without questioning the reason?

"are you sad because you forgot about your friends?"

"of course I am!"

"do you still love them?"

"if I didn't why would I be hurt like this?"

it's not Senpai's fault so why I'm I shouting? I hurriedly stood up to apologize but Senpai looked at me with a smile on her face

"even if you lost your memories, your feelings didn't change, isn't that the most important thing?"

suddenly I felt something heavy dissappear from my heart, memories and feelings aren't connected that much? what bullshit is this? I forgot the memory but I can still the feelings...

"..."

was it this simple? even if I don't remember anything it's fine as long as I have the feelings?

"Hahaha I feel so stupid..."

I laughed but my eyes didn't, I started crying..I thought I used all my tears but it appears I still have more to spare...

"I'm sorry...I'm very sorry"

even though she wasn't the one I wanted to apologize to, senpai hugged me tightly while comforting me

"it's fine, you can just leave everything and close your eyes"

my eyes are heavy, and my legs lost their power long ago, maybe it's fine to just sleep...just for a little while

***

I instantly knew that I'm dreaming, in this dark place there's a huge gate, if I pulled it I can go to the otherside, I don't know what exists behind this door but I never tried to open it

this time though it was different, red threads coming from under the gate and between the gaps, all of those threads were red and they are all connected to my heart

I followed those threads to the little gaps until I heard something

"I love your smile the most"

***

"morning"

I opened my eyes slowly and the light of the sun welcomed me quickly, everything until now didn't feel real, for the first time I accepted that everything is real, I am Sawano Aru a highschool boy

"how are you?"

Shin-senpai asked me with a worried face

"I'm fine, thank you for everything"

I feel a bit embarrassed because I cried in front of her and even slept on her bed... I really messed up

"um...sorry about...you know, everything"

I scratched my cheek shamefully as I reminded myself of what happened yesterday

"don't apologize, I'm happy that I was able to help you"

"I'll be sure to repay next time!"

I declared instantly, I don't know how but I'm gonna do it but I'm indebted to Senpai and I need to repay her somehow

"you are skipping school today right?"

"yeah"

It's already too late even if I wanted to go, let's just say I caught a cold

"it's fine if you don't want to talk about it but can you tell me the details?"

of course she's gonna be curious when I made such a drama about it...yeah I should just tell her everything that's the least I can do

"it's not a good story, and it's missing a lot of details"

Shin-senpai sat next to me as she played with Nagisa's fur

"well, I'm not expecting something fun"

the first thing I did was to create fire, a small fire ball that doesn't need much mana to activate

"Whaaa"

Obviously, senpai started panicking and searched for something to turn off the fire but the fire vanished without burning anything

"maybe I shouldn't have used fire magic first.."

it's a late realization but being late is better than never learning right?

"what was that!"

looking at Senpai's eyes I knew that I can't escape explaining now, not that I had any intentions of doing so.

"you watch anime right? you should know a thing or two about Isekai"

I started explaining everything I remember, honestly it's not that much at all. I remember the day but I don't remember what happened before I was summoned, I asked why was I chosen but nobody knew the answer, it was just pure chance

"I see..."

after telling senpai the complete story until defeating the demon lord and meeting a ghost, she rested her chin on her palm thinking deeply

"if I didn't see the fire from before we would've been in the hospital to check you head by now"

"I know it's hard to believe...kinda"

I mean the rest knew about my power on their own and they didn't even seem to be surprised so I thought that it was normal, but Hoshino Rei is the most average girl out there, unlike the other weirdos she didn't face anything supernatural in her life

"what else can you do beside fire magic?"

"pretty much anything"

because I spent a lot of time farming everything I could I'm pretty sure I have skills that I don't remember at all

I opened my phone and scrolled through the skills with senpai's face close to mine

"wow you can really do anything..."

her eyes glow up in excitement as she read through the skills, I know she likes games so something likes this must be a dream to her

"what's up are you jealous?"

I asked her jokingly

"why would I be jealous when you're clearly suffering from it?"

"..."

I'm glad that she said it, I don't know if I was going to burst again if she said that she was jealous

"so you named the cat before the girl.."

She held the cat high and looked at it's eyes silently

"after learning about it, I think I'm afraid of being forgotten too"

for the first time senpai lost her confidence, she's obviously thinking that she will dissappear quickly

"I'll remember you, I will longer than anyone so you'll definitely keep your connection for a long time"

"thank you Aru"

my heart started racing the moment she touched my hand, her hand wrapped mine tightly and her blue eyes glowed brighter than anything in the room, a warm smile was drawn on her face

I need to say it now

this is my chance

"I like you"

"huh?"

she got flustered by my sudden confession, even though I still have the chance to retreat I decided that I won't run away

I held both of Senpai's shoulders and pushed her lightly to fall backward on the bed,I looked down on the confused girl below me and said my words again

"I like you, please date me"

I said it clearly without leaving any place for misunderstandings, maybe I'm overdoing it but I still want to take this chance

"Ah...Ug...wa..."

Senpai covered her red face with both of her arms avoiding to look at ms directly

"that's too surprising! it's unfair!"

"please give me your answer"

I know that nothing good will come from forcing her like this,but I'm kinda nervous too. it's my first time doing anything like this

"I...I'm sorry"

"I see"

I'm disappointed, I can't hide it even though my expectations were so low, but it still hurts a lot

"Ah...it's not a problem with you, it's completely my fault please don't look down on yourself you're an amazing person!"

"thank you"

it only hurts more when you try to comfort me like this

"sorry for bothering you"

I stood up and made a distance between us again, I promised myself that I won't regret it but I'm starting to regret it a bit...

"ummm...it's not like, a complete No...I don't have pleasant experiences when it comes to dating and stuff so I'm a little scared but..."

"I'll wait for your answer then"

"you don't need to wait for me if you find someone else, but if you didn't and I...I think ot would be fun"

giving me hope is the last thing you should do senpai, now I won't give up at all

"thank you very much"

"No! I should be the one thanking you for feeling like this about me!"

"see you later"

"see you"

she waved her hand awkwardly as I left the apartment with Nagisa on my hand

When I got far enough I pulled something from my bag, a little bottle with blue liquid inside it

if I drink this Elixir I will return to be a normal boy again

I calmly opened the bottle but someone stopped me from behind

"Yo Aru"

"Shiori?"

"yup the cute Shiori is here!"

"did you just call yourself cute? and why are you here?"

"just walking around?"

she leaned forward with both of her hands behind her back

"what about your school?"

"what about your school?"

she repeated the same question quickly, I'm also skipping school today but I can't tell her the reason

"Ugh fine"

I gave up trying to understand this devilish girl, she seemed to be happy too so it wasn't that bad

"what's up with the cat?"

Shiori said as she scratched Nagisa's chin happily, this cat seems to like Shiori a lot

"I'm taking it home, It was love from the first sight"

"if that's the case let's go buy things together! you need a lot of things to take care of a cat"

"that's true....yeah, let's go together"

I returned the Elixir that I was holding all this time to my bag, I don't need to do anything reckless

as I walked with Shiori around I felt that maybe it wasn't bad to exist