Chapter 41: Jill X Cassidy

Jill breathed in the fresh air of the Botanical Garden with a bright smile. Something a lot of people didn't really get about nature was that it smelled really bad. Or maybe it was just that Jill herself smelled bad, from all the sweating. Sure, she was in a relaxed mood now, having finally gotten to somewhere reasonably safe. But this was just the calm before the storm. Still, Jill treasured that moment of calm, and was twirling long before Cassidy made her approach.

"Good afternoon, Jill Smith," said Cassidy, in a perfect torpor of faint stillness. "Would you care for some tea?"

"Tea?!" said Jill so quickly she nearly tumbled other. "There's no time for tea!"

"Oh," said Cassidy shaking her head. "What a silly girl you are. There is always time for tea."

"Why do you call me that anyway?" asked Jill. "Aren't we the same age?"

"The difference between a girl and a woman is more a state of mind than it is a number," said Cassidy. "I'm a girl too, really, at heart. It's an enviable fate, to have only an abstract understanding of how that works. I pity those who have truly grown up."

Cassidy was so distracted by her moody ramblings that Jill was easily able to grab her by surprise in a mighty hug, swinging the very light woman around. Cassidy was even wearing that sun dress she liked, the one that looked like a lab coat. Jill loved that dress. It looked so pretty when spun around. Jill was always too practical to wear pretty things.

"Please," said Cassidy, breathing heavily, "put me down."

Jill obliged. Then she ran off, skipped really, to go and locate the tea. Cassidy always kept it in the same place, and by some minor miracle it was always piping hot whenever Jill arrived. Jill knew in her heart that this wasn't the power of the Oracle, just economical use of a bunsen burner. But all the same, Jill loved obsessing over the minor miracles in life. Upon locating the tea, and its wonderful smell, Jill slowed down her pace on the return path. It was only on the way back in, seeing Cassidy sitting down, that Jill noticed the Botanical Garden was empty.

"Hey," Jill asked, laying down the tea set. "Where is everybody?"

"I had a bit of a mental breakdown recently," said Jill. "I haven't been well enough to keep the Botanical Garden open to the public. I'm mostly lucid now. I was planning to open up again tomorrow."

"Wow," said Jill with a hush. "It's so quiet in here. I've never seen it like this before."

"Indeed," said Cassidy, sipping her tea. "I ponder sometimes whether this would be what the end of the world will look like, the plants alone, in their peace, slowly growing outward to freedom. It's an unpleasant experiment truly. We saw what happened during the Great Blackout. Plants, animals imprisoned, all withered and died without support. There may be a cleaner way of achieving such a break. Although I imagine you're the sort who'd rather prevent the apocalypse rather than start it."

"Uh, right," said Jill, looking Cassidy straight in the eye. "How am I doing on that by the way?"

"Your work has been inspiring," said Cassidy. "You were already a legend before, even if you never realized it. A woman who stood both against the fascists and the Rainbow Shirts. You represented a better way. The Goddess of Hope indeed."

"The Goddess of what now?" asked Jill.

"One of the chosen ones, who will destroy the Old World," said Cassidy. "But do you really want me to talk about this? I imagine you have more immediate questions in need of resolution."

"Right!" said Jill. "How do I save the Oregonians?"

"The...what?"

"The Oregonians," said Jill. "I left them in the lurch back there and the Rainbow Shirts didn't come in to save them. How do I fix this?"

"You can't fix it," said Cassidy. "The Rainbow Shirts have wised on to our scheme. They won't help with it now. At least not until Jerry Shankar's dead. As if that would help."

"What scheme?" asked Jill.

"Oh," said Cassidy. "My mistake. Not our scheme, as in yours and my scheme. Mine and Jerry Shankar's scheme. I suppose Joel Rotierre's too."

"Joel Rotierre? You mean the guy who gave me a ride here?"

"Interesting," said Cassidy, wiping her mouth. She gave an expectant look to Jill, who likewise started drinking. "Perhaps not so great a coincidence as it may seem. What exactly have you been up to lately anyway?"

"I went to try and talk my sister into helping out the Oregonians," said Jill. "We uh, got into a fight and she called him to help me escape."

"I don't know what you were expecting," said Cassidy. "Your sister is not the kind of person who can persuaded by moral arguments."

"But I made some progress!" said Jill. "She knows I'm not...um...a fascist now."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," said Cassidy. "Although it's besides the point. Your sister doesn't care about ideological distinctions. They don't motivate her."

"Then what does?"

"A desire to destroy," said Cassidy. "Also her recurring fondness for you. Both have beautifully united in her role as the chief enforcer for the Rainbow Shirts."

"Yeah?" said Jill, suddenly bitter. "If she likes me so much why doesn't she help out the Oregonians?"

"Esther is fond of you as an abstract concept," said Cassidy. "The baby sister who needs protecting, who has to be told how to survive. She has no concept of you as an independent entity. I doubt she realizes how famous you are. I don't think you even realize how famous you are."

"Oh come on," said Jill blushing. "I'm just an ideas girl. It's the locals who do all the work."

"Your humility is an inspiration to those used to people whose ambitions begin and end with possessing power," said Cassidy. "Unfortunately these very same attributes make you loathsome to the moneyed entities on the East Coast, all of whom are convinced you are a fraud because they have no concept of a person having the opportunities you do and not taking advantage of them for self-enrichment. That's the world your sister lives in, and even if she wanted to, there's no way she could convince the rest of the Rainbow Shirts to follow suit. She's not even their real leader."

"Well who is?" asked Jill.

"Barack Worthington," said Cassidy. "You've met him, I believe."

For that moment Jill was unnaturally still. That name alone provoked panic as well as an adrenaline rush. It was a struggle for Jill to avoid damaging her teacup. Barack Worthington. First Joel and now Cassidy were telling Jill that Barack Worthington was the real reason behind Esther's distant attitude.

"What if I killed him?" asked Jill. "Could she influence the Rainbow Shirts then?"

"Um," said Jill, thoughtfully sipping more of her tea, avoiding eye contact due to the funny expression on her face in reaction. "I don't think I can give a definite answer to that question because I don't know enough about the Rainbow Shirts' command structure. But based on what I do know the answer is probably no."

"Why?"

"The foundational principle of the Rainbow Shirts is that people like you can't be trusted," said Cassidy. "You had a bad first impression and can't fix it."

"But Esther could."

"If Esther were to try I think a revolt would be more likely than the rest of the Rainbow Shrirts actually listening to her," said Cassidy. "Although...hm, that's an interesting thought..."

"No, no, my subject. No tangents," said Jill, snapping her fingers.

"In the first place I'm not sure you can kill Barack," said Cassidy, back on-topic. "You have no augments and you're not well-practiced in one-on-one combat. What's more, killing goes against your very nature. Where is this even coming from? Did Joel say something to you?"

"Don't change the subject," said Jill sharply, taking on a very severe tone, enough so that Cassidy shivered a little in her seat. "Say I did kill Barack Worthington. Would that realign the leadership of the Rainbow Shirts and give me a better in?"

"I suppose it would be an improvement in the sense that there is no chance of a change while he is in charge, but there is some chance of a change in the case of extreme events I can't accurately forecast."

"That's great," said Jill, slurping up the last of her tea. "I have to go."

"Wait a minute!" cried Cassidy, furiously calculating in her head, and not looking at Jill directly. "Joel...Joel...he's a God too you know."

"Really?" said Jill, still halfway between Cassidy and the door. "The God of what?"

"The God of Lies," said Cassidy. "He can't tell the truth. Whatever he told you isn't true. It's dangerous to make any decisions based on whatever he's told you."

"Yeah, I remember you mentioning something like that before," said Jill, cracking her knuckles and closing the distance between herself and Cassidy. "And you know what he told me? That lies only work because people want to believe them. Was that a lie too?"

"Yes," said Cassidy, stone-faced. "It's not that people want to believe Joel's lies. They have to believe them. Joel offers an escape from desolation, from problems without solutions, and the misery inherent in accepting that the world can't be saved. Joel even believes his own lies most of the time. It's the only way for him to maintain his own sanity."

"So what? said Jill. "Joel's the bad guy now? Worse than Jerry Shankar?"

"Absolutely not," said Cassidy. "I can see now what he did. "Joel's saved your life, for now. Sooner or later you would have approached Worthington again, and he would have killed you without a thought. Turn the tables and you might actually have a chance. I wouldn't be able to convince you of your foolhardiness. Neither would your own sister. But a sufficiently compelling lie on Joel's part could give you the firey passion necessary to treat a confrontation with Worthington like the life or death battle it would be...but what did Joel say, Jill? Talk to me. Your doom is all but guaranteed now, if not by Worthington's hand than someone else's. But if you can accept the truth in your heart, you may yet end your life with a shred of dignity."

"Dignity?!" screamed Jill, stomping all the way back over Cassidy, getting in her face. "Dignity?! You think I'd have dignity living out the rest of my life as a coward, never even trying to save my sister?! Trying to save my friends in Oregon?! You robot! You stupid robot! I hate you!"

And those words having been said, Jill simply charged out of the Botanical Garden. There were tears in her eyes. She knew, deep down, that Cassidy was right, that the more prudent thing to do would be to give up. But at the same time, Jill couldn't stomach the idea that she had a chance to save her sister and didn't take it. No matter how low the odds of success, or how likely it was that Jill would die trying, she couldn't just give up. Not now. Not ever.