Chapter 20: Esther X Cassidy

By the time Esther had crawled back to her helmet there was still a faint chance that she could try to overtake Jerry. Unfortunately when she got back to the helicopter Esther realized to her great disgust that the pilot had left the helicopter in standby mode. The name was very misleading. While in standby mode the helicopter's systems could only be unlocked by the person who put it into standby. Esther had repeatedly complained about this glaring flaw in the operating system that effectively rendered the helicopter unusable if the original pilot was not available.

However for some bizarre technical reason beyond Esther's comprehension their helicopters were legally mandated to use this operating system, so all they could do was wait for a system update. This was probably years away since the company that developed this program was in arrears and only existed on paper for the hopes of attracting a buyer.

As a stop-gap to this problem, Esther had attempted to emphasize to designated pilots time and again that they had to exit the program completely every time they left the aircraft. That way a new pilot could log in. Of course, since a highly predictable situation had not yet come up where this security system was a problem, Esther had difficulty getting anyone to actually follow her instructions. Left with a bricked system, Esther realized she had no choice but to hope that the pilot of the other helicopter had exited the program properly.

Esther decided to rest for an hour in the helicopter to regain enough strength that she could confidently cross the swamp on foot this time. Her leg still really hurt from getting blindsided. How was it that every time Esther sustained an injury, it was friendly fire? Enemy hostiles could barely even touch her in the worst possible situations, yet time and again Esther stupidly assumed that she was safe from her own subordinates, before they managed to bungle up yet another set of trivially easy to follow orders.

Upon finally making her way to the first helicopter Esther discovered to her great disgust that the operating system of this one had also been rendered unusable, although at least in this case the glitch could eventually be worked around. Here the pilot had almost exited the program, but forgot to click the confirm button. So the helicopter was still linked to their biosign. The good news was that the operating system would eventually reboot from a lack of activity, which it never did in standby mode. So all Esther had to do was wait twenty-four hours for the auto-reboot in this putrid swamp.

Esther sighed. At least the doors closed by themselves and the filtration system was automatic. Of course the toxic air that destroyed maybe a hundred drones would do serious damage to the helicopter as well but at least she was far away enough from the thick of the swamp that the machine would still be usable, probably, by the time she regained access to the flight controls.

Esther spent much of her time alone on the helicopter throwing a ball against the wall to calm her nerves. Proper exercise would have been preferable, but Esther dared not risk amplifying the extent of her injuries. She tried rifling through the bags that were inevitably forgotten by her dead subordinates. Aside from some snacks that amounted to processed garbage there wasn't much of use in any of them. For the most part there were just meaningless talismans. Safety pins, stuffed animals, a change of clothes. Not useful clothes, of course, more like fancy suits or dancing outfits. Esther sighed. In all fairness, given that all of these people expected to be back on the East Coast by nightfall, it wasn't unreasonable for them to want to be prepared for whatever their evening engagements were.

What really struck Esther, and what bothered her more than she felt was necessary, was what little concern she felt for these fragments of lives that just yesterday were alive and vibrant. Esther had seen a lot of death. And she wasn't naive about it. Esther knew full well that plenty of the people she or the Social Justice Army had killed were just support workers, or civilians. The only crime such people committed was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. For them, she could have sympathy. But soldiers? What were they expecting? Had they listened to Esther they would still be alive. Imbeciles, the whole lot of them. Even with the numbers of the Rainbow Shirts once again decimated, Esther felt they were better off without them.

Thoughts like this reminded Esther how, for the inconvenience of the current situation, she was relieved that her instructions were followed and backup had not been sent once contact was lost with the second helicopter. They would have just continued to pour out idiot legions into this miserable swamp, choking to death on their own heroic stupidity. Unfortunately Esther was not completely sure this was the case intentionally. The Rainbow Shirts only had two helicopters in range of the target site at all. But by the time anyone figured out how to rustle up enough transportation to mount another rescue, Esther would be able to call in and explain what happened.

The funny part about having to spend so much time by herself, though, was that the urgency of the situation ramped itself down in Esther's mind. So it was that when the helicopter's operating system finally rebooted on December 27th, Esther decided to make an eccentric detour. She'd been idly examining downloaded information about the area she was in and had become fascinated by the nearest great tourist attraction- The Oracle of Des Moines.

Esther had also made a point of reading up about the local practices in Iowa, finding many of the ideas quaint and charming. Apparently automobile traffic was banned in the city streets, which meant everyone had to get around by bicycle. What fun! Casual exercise in the free open air! That was certainly one way for Esther to ease herself off from her injuries.

Esther parked the helicopter about a kilometer away from the border parking lot nearest to the Des Moines Botanical Garden. If the border guard thought there was anything strange about a dark-skinned woman in athletic gear coming to the parking lot on foot, she made no comment on the subject. She simply accepted Esther's money and lent her a bicycle. American money too, incredibly enough. So, they really did accept it here still. A pity about the Maoist bicycle but Esther had to make do with what was available.

The ride was every bit as wonderful as Esther imagined. She had to resist the urge to take off the helmet and let the wind flow through her hair. Esther was in such a giddy mood that she even waved and smiled to people, who waved and smiled back to her. It was strange to think how Esther was always refusing vacations when she clearly so badly needed one.

Maybe it was just the contrast to the swamp as well but what after the bike ride through fresh air Esther was especially invigorated by the Des Moines Botanical Garden. Everything just looked and felt so fresh and green. She idled under the leaves, reading the various descriptions of the wonderful plants, and even going so far as to take off her jacket in response to the temperature spike compared to the outdoors.

"I'm glad you're enjoying this place so much," said a short pale woman, seemingly from nowhere. "My name is Cassidy Jones. I'm the gardener here."

Esther tensed up just as a reflex. She was entirely too relaxed, if a stranger could just sneak up on her like that. Yet Cassidy looked so harmless it was difficult to maintain a stressful disposition.

"My name is Esther Okerye," she said, so swept up in the moment she didn't even mind giving out her real name. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I've heard that name before," said Cassidy thoughtfully. "Well, make yourself at home."

Esther observed that Cassidy was watering the plants. Ah, so that was how she got so close so gradually.

"Excuse me, but," said Esther, "are you the Oracle?"

"Indeed I am," said Cassidy, focused on her work. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Can I really ask you any question I want? And you'll give me an accurate prediction of the future?"

"Of course you can," said Cassidy, breathing in and out with a sense of serenity. "And my predictions are ballpark, but for the most part correct."

"Why am I alive?"

The question was not intended to sound quite so aloof and hostile. Esther was briefly concerned that she had offended Cassidy, yet the small woman stopped her work, and her facial expression showed a strong sense of intrigue .

"Well now," Cassidy said, chuckling. "This is exactly what I meant. Do you mean in the short term or the long term? In the long term such a question is fundamentally unknowable, and only answerable by yourself. But I can provide a more definite answer in regard to the short term. You're alive because Jerry Shankar likes the cut of your jib."

Unconsciously just as a reflex Esther assumed a combat stance and very nearly grabbed Cassidy by the neck in preparation to shove her to the ground. It was only through immediate well-practiced discipline that Esther was able to halt this reaction a microscopic distance away from Cassidy's throat.

Incredibly, Cassidy showed no reaction to any of this. She just kept on smiling, and motioned behind her to a modest little table.

"Would you like to have a chat?" asked Cassidy.

Esther nodded, awkwardly working herself back into a normal stance. As she sat down, Cassidy brought out some tea, pouring it for Esther.

"Did you know I was coming?" asked Esther.

"That I did," said Cassidy, sitting down. "Jerry Shankar was here shortly before you. He was very excited. He called you one of the most fascinating people he had ever met."

"That's flattering, I guess," said Esther, scratching her head. "So you know him?"

"We go way back," said Cassidy. "Why, it's closing in on half a lifetime now. It's the kind of relationship you can't really shake even if you want to. Do you know anyone like that?"

"Yeah," said Esther, taking a sip of her tea, trying to avoid meeting Cassidy's eyes. "I do."

Esther breathed in the fragrance of the tea, coupling it with the taste. This was the best tea she had ever had. Esther could feel it melting her worries away. She also noticed, to her great surprise, that there were no toxins.

"I've no intention of poisoning you," said Cassidy. "If I wanted to I certainly wouldn't have told you about my relationship with Jerry Shankar, at least not until after I'd gotten you to drink some."

"Did you make it yourself?"

"Yes," said Cassidy. "I know what just about every plant in the Botanical Garden can do. Some are dangerous, some are healing, others just are. I like living like this, in relative isolation. But people, you know...people are dangerous. They can drive me crazy sometimes."

"I know the feeling," said Esther with a sense of resignation.

"Do you regret the ones who died with you today?"

"No," said Esther. "Does that make me a bad person?"

"Well that depends," said Cassidy. "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"You don't seem like it," said Esther, realizing that this was the most genuinely pleasant conversation she had experienced in quite some time.

"Then neither are you," said Cassidy. "But of course, bad is a very relative term. People can be capable of profound evil to the world at large while being unusually kind or even charismatic to those right in front of them. A noble goal can have tragic consequences in practice, and vice-versa."

"Like my sister."

"What was that?" asked Cassidy.

"I have a sister," said Esther. "She was an accident. Looking back I still have trouble believing my mom could still get pregnant, with all the drugs she was taking...I wanted to kill her you know. I was seven years old. I had enough problems already."

"Impressive you can remember your life back then so distinctly," said Cassidy. "I can't remember much of anything before I was a teenager. But please, go on."

"Oh, it's not much of a story really," said Esther. "Now she's the star of my life. Our mom died recently and honestly; I didn't feel much of anything. I hated her. But I was happy, in some weird way, because it was an excuse to see my sister again. I barely even know what she's doing these days. I'm always so busy."

"Why don't you go see her more often?"

"Well..." said Esther, hesitating. "Do you have any siblings?"

"No."

"Then maybe you don't know how weird it is to get old," said Esther. "My sister's always idolized me and I've tried to live up to that. But it's just...we're close enough to the same age now, and she has her own ideas about how the world works, and who's to say I'm still the one who's always right?"

"Lived experience is what create the perception of right and wrong," said Cassidy, leaning in closer. "You may not be happy, but that doesn't mean you're wrong. You may just be interpreting what matters in the wrong way. I sense that you're a passive person, for all your power. Why aren't you more assertive?"

"Because," said Esther, "if I had my way, a lot more people would die. And some would call that monstrous."

"Perhaps, perhaps," said Cassidy. "It can't be helped. It's in your nature. The Goddess of War."

"What?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Cassidy. "It sounds so silly when I say it out loud. You're the Goddess of War. You have the power to destroy. That's what makes you special, and important. Whatever the right course of action may be, you will never accomplish anything in the world if you deny that aspect of yourself. We live in age where some things need to be destroyed- a fact which even your current allies most assuredly agree with."

Esther pondered carefully upon what Cassidy said. It was difficult to tell whether this was decent advice or if Cassidy was just some sort of charlatan. But one fact Esther already knew for sure. Yet before she could even vocalize the idea, Cassidy interjected.

"It's fine," she said. "The plants can survive without me, for a time. I have some ignorant people to do basic chores while I'm away. They have no idea the power of this vegetation. Do what you have to do."

Cassidy's resigned acceptance of what she knew was coming shocked Esther. Time and again, when Esther took prisoners, they begged and pleaded to avoid their fate. They told obvious lies, pretended no guilt, pretended no knowledge, and made false promises of turning over a new leaf, all in the hopes of piercing Esther's soul. Esther liked the latter category the most. Esther would strategically turn her back, as if she were in serious contemplation allowing the condemned the chance to try and murder her. This gave Esther the excuse to effortlessly take the heart out of their treacherous lives with her bare hands. It was one of Esther's best moves, and especially effective in front of an audience.

That was the kind of life that Esther had led, where she tried to avoid be putting in situations where apologies were necessary. And yet for all that, in front of Cassidy, Esther couldn't help but whimper.

"I'm sorry," said Esther.

"I assume you took a regular bicycle from the outskirts of the city," said Cassidy. "You will need time to acquire a double bicycle. Or perhaps a vehicle. I am not in strong enough physical condition to do much peddling, and my skin can't take very much sunlight. You can be as kind or as cruel as you choose. This is my fate and there's no avoiding it. I will await your return."

Esther was entranced by Cassidy's apparent sense of complete inner peace. In that moment, Esther would have given anything to obtain that. And in a way, she did.

"Thank you," said Esther, standing up to go, making sure to finish her tea first. She dared not turn around as she left the Botanical Garden, not wanting to make this situation any more difficult.