chapter 8: Nox

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT

I can not say for certain how long my heat lasted. The only thing I know is that I was disgusting. Cum was dried and caked to my legs, pelvis, and stomach. Slick was still seeping out of me slowly and the room smelt of desire. I shutter and slowly pull my aching body from the nest I had made. It looked terrible. I really had no idea what I was doing in terms of making a nest. My shoulders hunch in on themselves as my mind starts up a pity party. I shuffle to the door, shivering from the lack of clothing. I open it slightly and poke my head out.

"C-can someone get me a towel and point me in the direction of the bathroom?" I called out nervously, having no idea who was in the cabin. I gulp and tap my fingers on the wood nervously as I wait. Soon enough I hear someone get up from the living room and move about the cabin, hopefully getting my towel. Moments later, Kero smiles at me as he hands me two towels and my bag.

"Use one to get there, use the other once you've finished bathing," he waits a moment for me to cover myself with the towel before leading me to his small wet room.

"There are a few buckets of hot water already in there for you, I didn't want you to have to go to the lake to bathe," I nod slowly, this was so different than at the Palace or even Ryan's home. I thank the doctor with a hoarse voice and step into the wet room. True to word there were several steaming buckets of water waiting for me. I hung my bag and both towels on the wall before moving to the small bench at the center of the room where a drain sat. I pull the first bucket over to me and dump it onto my body, instantly wetting my hair and most of my body. I grab the sponge that had been left for me and dip it in the soapy water and begin to scrub the dried cum from my body and wipe away the slick. I then wash the entirety of my body, trying to remove the scent of heat from it. Tears prick my eyes as I swipe at my scent glands, still empty of a mating mark.

I was running out of time to be a good omega. Soon I wouldn't be able to pup for my future mate. I choke out a pathetic laugh at that thought.

I wouldn't be getting a mate. I wasn't good enough for that.

I chew my lip and dump the entire soapy bucket over my head while standing and rubbing the soap into my hair and over my body, assuring the scent would be gone. I then dump the final two hot buckets over myself to rinse everything off. I stack the buckets upside down so they would dry and move back to the towels. I dry silently, my thoughts running over the events of my life. I sigh and change into the clothes I had taken from Ryan. They smelt faintly of the alpha and I whine. I pull the baggy shirt to my nose and inhale deeply, I want that scent to permeate my flesh and coat me forever. I let out a sob as my omega realized that wasn't going to happen. Ryan wanted nothing to do with me in that aspect. That's why he was taking me back. My lip wobbles as I finish dressing. The pants and under garments didn't fit. I grab the towels and my bag and waddle from the room in hopes my lower garments wouldn't fall down.

"K-Kero… do you have any pants I could use?" I question. He looks up at me, from his task of stripping the bed of the sheets I had used during my heat.

"I-I can handle those!" I squeak. He chuckles.

"You need to rest, heat takes a lot out of an omega. I'll get you some pants after I'm done with getting these sheets off. Go lay down on the couch," he waves me away and I sigh.

"I-Is Ryan out there?"

"No, he went out the first day of your heat and hasn't returned yet," my heart stutters at the words.

"W-what? He just… left?" the tears well up again.

"Not like that. I'm sure he just didn't want to hurt you. He will probably be back soon. Go lay down, everything is okay," Kero assures.

I sniffle and move to the couch. I lay down a pillow and some furs onto the couch before I lay down and pull the furs over myself, my tears finally leaking freely down my cheeks.

Why are you acting this way, Nox? You're being pathetic. It's not like you ever really had a chance with Ryan, he has always been way out of your league. He probably treats every omega the way he treats you. He said it himself, he doesn't know anything about them. He wasn't leading you on. He was just being kind in the only way he knew how.

My mind was screaming at me for falling for such an idiotic alpha.

Why couldn't I have fallen for someone who actually cared? Hell, why couldn't I have stayed out of the love business all together? I should've begged the king to stay and send a better omega. Hell, I should have just killed myself the moment I learned what I was. No one could ever love a bastard omega such as myself. I was a disgrace. I only brought disappointment to my family. I should just off myself and allow my family and Ryan to be rid of the burden that was me.

I stand slowly, my mind made up. Kero was sound asleep at this point and Ryan had yet to return. I take a deep breath as I slowly shuffle from the cabin and begin to wander the silent village. Apparently, everyone here went to bed once the moon was out. I look up at the shining orb and slowly walk towards it. The moon brings me to the bank of the river. It was loud in my ears, smashing violently at the bank and the rocks that lay within. I take a slow breath and jump in. The cold is a shock to my senses and I'm pulled to the bottom. I don't know which way is up or down. I began to panic, what had I done? I was going to die. For some reason, I didn't want to die. I knew it would be better for everyone, but I wanted to live. I wanted to prove to everyone that I was worthy of life. My vision was blurry from the water and my mind was clouding from the lack of oxygen. I close my eyes, my warm tears being soaked up by the frozen river. My chest squeezes as the darkness opens its arms to welcome me.