Thirty Seven.

Roane

The past few days have been harder than most. Not just because of business and all the things I have in the works for the future, but it was more than all of that.

Since I was young, there have only been a few constants in my life, but I have come to depend on them. Those have been my grandparents, my uncles, and my friends.

Friends did not come easy for me when I was younger because I wouldn't let anyone in. Thankfully, I did finally make two, but I have always been worried that they were built more out of circumstance and not organically.

Micah and Tristan had both found themselves in situations similar to mine in many ways and we all met when I started living among the Silver Moon pack. 

At first it seemed as if my whole world had burned down to the ground. My family was gone, I had no home to return to, and I was still dealing with the fact that I wasn't a normal human or shifter child.

For a while, after everything happened I resented everything and everyone. I resented my parents for dying, for leaving me here alone to face this world without them, and for taking my brother with them.

But if I was being honest, even at such a young age, the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that my parents had created me to be an inferior wolf.

Living in the pack permanently after everything happened made me resent those around me who had everything that I didn't. Other kids had parents and friends who were all similar to them in every way.

I learned much too late that it was me who pushed others away because I was filled with too much resentment. Resentment of not just them, but of myself.

Never feeling like you are enough or like you were dealt a bad hand are horrible thoughts to have, but having them live permanently inside your head is worse.

Every time I think back on my youth, I am always so thankful that Micah and Tristan were too determined, or too thick-headed in Tristan's case, to give up on me.

I was so lost in thought, that I hadn't even heard Xavier when he walked into my office.

"Sir," he said with a questioning tone in his voice while waiving his hands out in front of my face as if he was unsure that I had seen him. 

"Sorry Xavier, I was lost in my thoughts there for a moment, but you brought me back to the present. What can I help you with," I asked him shaking off my nostalgia.

"It's about Alpha Rogan sir," he said looking a bit anxious. Sitting back in my chair I motioned towards the chairs in front of my desk for him to take a seat.

Xavier sat and I was glad that he did, honestly, he looked like he was on the verge of passing out or worse. Xavier helped run this company for years and I was glad that he decided to stay on to help me, but seeing him like this made me feel a bit bad for him.

Aspen had been created by my parents, but was essentially owned by my father. When he was gone, the company was handed over to the board to do with as they saw fit.

Thankfully, Xavier had been one of my father's friends and had been aware of the supernatural world, even if what he knew didn't really go past surface level, he was still "in the know."

Xavier was a strong and sturdy man per human standards and from what I would hear other employees say when I worked as a manager in the data and transcriptions department, he was considered very handsome for an older man.

Right now though, Xavier looked like he was running on coffee and prayers alone. His hair was more white than black now and his short cropped hair that was usually perfectly coiffed was now sticking out in odd places.

The neat suits that we still wears are starting to noticeably fit him just a bit looser than they used to. Even though I wanted to try to keep him at arms length, I always had a soft spot for him before I came to work here and it has only just increased as I got to know him.

"Xavier, have you had anything to eat today," I asked as I was already flipping open my phone to place an order for us to have lunch in here.

"Who has time to eat," he shrieked as he slumped lower into the chair. For a moment I was afraid he was going to just slip right out onto the floor. Luckily he didn't. 

"Well, I have to eat every few hours, if I don't I'll loose my mind," I tell him as I start clicking away on the screen. "And before you tell me you don't have time to eat, this is not a request, I demand that you join me for lunch."

In that moment, I knew I won, but the look on his face made me want to laugh so hard it took much more self control to keep it in than I thought it would. Once I ordered double what I usually do for lunch, I figured I would use this as a working lunch and go over some easy questions with him.

Debating on where I wanted to start, I wasn't prepared for his question. "I was wondering why I haven't seen either of your friends around the office lately, is everything okay with them?"

Looking at Xavier, I momentarily considered the fact that maybe he wasn't just a normal human. How could he have come up with that question randomly when I had just been thinking about the two people he was inquiring about.

Answering his question was a bit harder because I wasn't sure just how much information that I wanted to give him about all of my personal details. While I trusted him to help with the running of Aspen, I still wasn't fully convinced that he didn't somehow provide personal information to Rogan about my family.

Deciding on answering a question with a question seemed easier than really delving into those feelings. "What makes you ask about them so suddenly?"

Pushing himself up a little in his seat he seemed to become a bit self aware and adjusted his tie and jacket, but his facial expressions didn't really change much.

Seeming to consider his words carefully, he said while fixing the cuffs of his jacket. "I thought that since we would be having lunch together I could ask things that weren't just about business. If I have over stepped, I apologize."

Damn it, I hadn't even considered the fact that he was just trying to have a regular conversation with me. Being constantly on alert and always trying to find out what others are scheming, I feel like I have lost the ability to see the good in others. 

"No, don't apologize, it's me. I don't how to do this anymore. Be just Roane. It's hard to turn it off now that I am, well here." Xavier looked at me with understanding and I thought I detected a hint of pity in his eyes.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm exactly where I have planned on being for so long. It's just that I never planned for there to be so many additional variables that I couldn't have accounted for," I say trying to explain my previous comment.

Xavier nodded his head along with my words and I wasn't sure if he was agreeing with me or if he was just agreeing with my stupidity. His lack of response made me a bit uncomfortable and I wondered if he was thinking that I was in over my head.

"You know, planning on taking the company worked perfectly and I am not sure if that made me assume that all my others plans would go this well or if I was just lucky. Everyone around me has been working to help make this all happen, especially Micah and Tristan."

I wasn't sure why I couldn't stop talking. Maybe my first thoughts about Xavier were right and he had some form of magic that he was unwittingly using on me.

"Everyone around me has had a reason to help me get here. My grandparents wanted me to find peace, my uncles wanted revenge for my mother, and my friends each had their own reasons for helping me get here. They both have lost loved ones to Rogan and want to see him taken down."

He was still sitting there nodding at me and for whatever reason I wanted him to understand where I was coming from. I wanted him to see things from my perspective and tell me that I was doing the right things. Never have I wanted someones approval in any of my choices the way I suddenly wanted his.

Xavier sat up a bit higher in the chair and was about to say something when a knock on the door let me know that our lunch was here. He quickly got up and walked to open the door.

Three aids came in pushing two carts. There were quite a bit of covered dishes in different shapes and sizes and I watched as their eyes seemed to take in me and my guest as realization hit them as to why I ordered so much more food than usual.

I had them set up all of the dishes on the table near the couch so that we could eat in a somewhat comfortable area. I knew that if we ate here at my desk it would cause us to rush and try to get back to work as quickly as we could, like I do everyday.

"Do you usually order this much food, or do I look like I haven't eaten in years and you are trying to fatten me up," he laughed a bit awkwardly as he got up to walk over to the couch.

Looking at the food I honestly felt like I should have ordered a bit more. There were six medallion cut steaks, a plate with grilled chicken over rice, some sauteed shrimp, pasta, and three different kinds of grilled vegetables. Not to mention they brought a bowl of fruit and some dessert as well.

"I ordered double of what I usually order for lunch. Is it not to your liking," I ask as I take a seat near him. "No, no," he replied quickly as he started to make a plate for himself. "It's just that I don't usually eat like this at work. I'll just grab something really quick in the cafeteria.

Shocked, I looked over at him getting good sized portions and I couldn't help but feel like I put that type of pressure on him to make him think that he couldn't take care of himself while doing his work.

"From now on you will have catered lunch brought to your office and I will not take no for an answer," I tell him quickly. 

His answering smile should have made me feel good, but I honestly should have been aware of the fact that he wasn't prioritizing his lunches in order to take care of the work I assigned him.

Our meal passed in companionable silence and I could see that the edgy nervousness that he had when he first came into my office had slowly started to seep out of him.

Even though I knew Xavier's background, I still decided to ask him some personal questions. "How long did you know my father?" The look on his face was a mixture of regret and happiness. 

When he looked at my face he seemed to be looking for something rather than just looking at me. "You look so much like him," he tells me wistfully, "but you have your mother's hair and eyes so one has to look hard to see him in there."

"I've known your father," he corrected himself really quickly, "I knew him, since we were both little kids. We grew up together and went to school with each other from elementary through college."

I knew that my parents met each other in college, and that this is where Xavier met her as well, but I really wanted to hear him share some little details about them.

"Your parents and I were great friends and even though they eventually became a couple, they never made me feel like a third wheel. It became the four of us eventually though. Your father knew that he wanted to start a business to bridge the gap between our world and your mothers."

I had always wondered what made him choose to create the company, but knowing why he did it only filled me with a greater resolve to reach my goals and essentially avenge them.

"Do you know when Rogan came into contact with my parents, I have always wondered when it was they met him," I asked without really thinking out my question.

"We met him when we were in college," he answered quickly while he grabbed a plateful of fruit. "Rogan's sister was a friend of ours and we met him when he used to come and visit her on campus."

I couldn't hide my surprise. How the hell had I missed the fact that my parents had been friends with that monster's sister? I stared at him in disbelief. "And where is she now," I asked through gritted teeth. 

"She died, many years ago, but we lost contact with her when she met her mate and left school to get married. Your mother and her were best friends and the last time I saw her was at their funeral."

I wondered if she ever found out that her brother was the one who killed not only her best friend, but her entire family, well minus me because so many didn't even know I existed.

Hearing about this mysterious person who had known my parents and had such a relationship with them made me curious to ask more questions about her and them, but right when I was about to ask her name, Xaver's cell phone rang.

When he looked at the screen to see who was calling, his eyes swept to mine quickly, "it's Rogan, would you like me to answer it?" I wonder if his filthy ears were itching since we had been talking about him.

"Yes, see what he needs. Maybe he is going to agree to my meeting." Xavier answered him and I watched his facial expressions shift so many times that I really wished I had made him put it on speaker phone.

Listening to the just his side of the conversation let me know that we were about to have an unexpected, and an unwanted guest, but I could tel that Xavier was hesitant to agree to anything without speaking to me first.

Motioning for him to put him on hold, I waited for him to mute the phone. "What the f*ck is he up to now," I asked him while I called for the aids to come in and clear the food away.

"It seems that he is coming to the office now because he was already in the city and wanted to know if you had time to meet since he was near by."

"That conniving little pr*ck, he probably didn't like the fact that I was making him meet on my terms and decided to just come here now to show me that he could," I said more to myself than Xavier.

"Let him know that I'm free now and instruct the guards to escort him all the way from the gate to my door. He is not allowed to step one foot unaccompanied on my property.

Xavier got back on the phone and made the rest of the arrangements with Rogan and then immediately reached out to one of the other security captains since Tristan wasn't here. 

Tristan was the head of security and I knew he would have loved to have an opportunity to f*ck with Rogan. I haven't seen him since that day he stormed out of the board meeting and I haven't had the courage to call him to try to explain everything.

I resolved to make a point of reaching out to both Tristan and Micah when I left the office today, but I put it aside for right now. If Rogan was coming here, I needed to prepare myself to meet him head on. 

He was much closer to the property than he let on because we got the call about five minutes later that he had just reached the security gates. In less than ten minutes I heard the ding of the elevator letting me know that he was already on the floor, and in another two minutes he was shown into the board room.

"Well, since I had some free time, I figured why wait to set something up and just come over and see if you were able to meet with me now. Seems that I was right after all," he said with that arrogant smirk in his voice that made me want to punch him in his despicable face.