Chapter 1

It's Monday and it started off like all Mondays usually do,with the roads full of raging people roaring at the Day's that lay ahead of them.

As always their energy alarmed me and woke-me up from my bed as I looked at the alarm and it shows that the time is 05:20am yet still very early in the morning for me to be awake and I still have about an hour before I have to wake up to get ready for school.

But yet I can't fall asleep and I wonder why I am unable to fall asleep but as I try it seems i can't sleep now what should I do as look around my room all I see is my usually dirty room.

There are clothes strewn all over the floor There's food splattered all over the floor There are crumbs all over the room it makes me remember my Mother's words when she would describe my room in her annoyed thone " Michael why is it that your room is always so cluttered"

Cluttered that word really makes me want to laugh when I hear it come out of her mouth cluttered I wonder who even came up with that name what where they even thinking .

Well I guess I will never know but all I do know is that my Mother really hates my room especially in the morning's.She really dreaded going into my cluttered room and yet she always cleans it for me when I am at school.

I wonder though why does she even bother cleaning my room when she knows that she will be late for work I just don't see the point of it.

Any-who as I stop looking around my room I see my phone in my bed and I started scrolling at its contents and eventually decide to go to check my contacts and all I see is just three Numbers the first One is my Mother's and the second is my younger brother's Number Malik and the last is of my bestfriend Jayden .

Three numbers and this is my third year at highschool and yet I only have this three numbers how pathetic I am turning 17 in a month's time and I have yet to make progress in making friends at all.

While my brother on the other hand while younger than me by two years he is everything that I had wanted to be in High school while not all but still he has a lot of friends he is good at football and now that I think of it he has two girlfriend's one is my crush while the other I don't know about her sometimes I just really want to expose him to his girl's but I can't because first he is my only brother

Second I don't even know how I would even start that conversation I would really like to know how anyone would even start that conversation really I would all- in -all

I really do eny him, he'll I don't even know where he gets his money from because he always has money on him while I have to beg Mother to give me money sometimes I can't even hide the resentment I have for him and I am afraid some- day my jealousy might get the better of me and do or say something I would deeply regret .

I as i continue along scrolling along my phone until I eventually click my Diary App and I keep looking at things I wrote to myself I still wonder what would people say of the things I wrote here as i click the one I am most ashamed of its the one I am most embarrassed of and yet I still read it .

Dear Diary.

I can feel it craving for my attention calling me to pleasure myself and I feel like letting go and let it devour me whole I can't find a way to stop it how long can I hold on until I let my inner demons take over and do as they please maybe I should let them take over because I am worthless anyway I mean who would ever want a person like me in their lives I am worthless anyway no I can't let my demons take over I must fight for my self I can't afford to let my emotions take over because I don't feel the lust in me I am the one who will awaken it and I am the one who is going to mess up to fighting and fighting for what actually I am useless I should just satisfie myself yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes one last time just one last time maybe this is a calling to wake up from my dreams a taste to see if I am truly ready to grow up and be more but I m sad to say that today isn't the day I guess my desires won this battle I can't fight this Alone I need someone by my side someone who I can talk to someone who I can trust not someone who I chose because of temporary feelings someone like her I really do miss her so much and I am afraid to say it but I loved her and I was really neglecting it for so long and thanks to him I might never get the chance to ever talk to her again.and I can't believe it but thanks to even thinking about her made my inner demons calm down I won this time I won this time all thanks to the girl I love but can never have.

Wow I still can't believe that I am really this pathetic it makes me laugh even now of just how much my life is just miserable as I continue to scroll my phone, 40 minutes...

Later .

pathetic that's all I can say about my life and I don't care what anyone says but Damn my life is truly pathetic I wonder why I am even alive I should have have died that night is should had been me and all this wouldn't be happening.

Well I guess I should wake up and start to prepare for school while it's still early.

(Word count 1,069 )