Feeling safe
Arguing with Ignis is more difficult than fighting bandits.
I want to sleep as soon as I climb back on the carriage. Since we've already been attacked, now there aren't many dangers on our way.
I can risk closing my eyes and letting Aida take care of me instead of using my energy uselessly.
Ignis sits next to me, and I stare at him while the carriage starts moving. I look at him so intensely that he answers questions I never asked.
«I'll rest a bit and then exchange places with Tobin. We'll soon be out of the forest, and the place we're headed to is half a day from here. It would be a pity to stop now since we can be more comfortable in just a few hours.»
I nod, wondering whether resting has the same meaning to him and to me. He would be sitting at the front of the carriage just like he's doing now.
He's not resting! This is the same as driving. His back is straight, and his muscles are stiff. He's on alert.
I sigh, moving from Aida's to Ignis's side. I lean on the backrest and pat on my lap.
I did this yesterday, and I slept so well in Aida's care. I believe Ignis will be more relaxed, too, if he puts his head here...
«Veronica,» he sighs. «Are you teasing me?»
«No, Ignis. I want you to rest well so that you don't drive us out of the road when you take control of the carriage.»
«If that's the case, I'm obliged to rest,» he realises. He lies down, leaning his head on my lap.
Only after Ignis is set and comfortable, with a pleased smile on his lips, do I analyse this situation a little more rationally.
I offered him, so it's my fault.
However, the gown was not designed for travel... But to be worn at home when not meeting anyone.
It's easy to wear and has thin fabric. There aren't any additional layers under except for a light chemise.
Like this, I can feel Ignis's head on my thighs.
He adjusts his position until finding one where he can stare, and he looks me in the eye until making sure I know he likes it.
All under Aida's close watch. My handmaid observes us with a frown.
Rather than worried, she seems annoyed. As if what happened confirmed a theory she doesn't like.
I would like to complain or feel like a victim. But it's all my fault. It's not even the first time I do something like this without realising that it's not normal for adults to act so innocently.
If Ignis falls asleep, it will be less awkward.
Yet, from his expression, I can tell he has no intention of doing so. He'll look at me the whole time, avoiding even blinking if possible.
I sigh and caress his hair. I liked when Aida did this when I was little. It helped me relax.
However, Ignis isn't me. Oh, he does relax: I can feel it. Yet, his resolve not to sleep doesn't disappear.
I smile at his determination. I can stay awake for him if it's his insomnia. Also, Aida is here, and Tobin is driving. Three of us are awake; he can risk sleeping.
I focus my attention on Ignis, and I play with his hair. Since he didn't complain, he implicitly allowed me to do so.
As minutes fly, his eyes start to wander from my face to my fingers and in the carriage. He turns to the side.
A quarter of an hour later, cadenced breathing makes me realise he's fallen asleep.
«Ah, such a stubborn brat,» Aida comments. She observes her nails and scoffs as if annoyed by something.
«Aida...» I try. «Did you cast a spell?»
«He needed it more than you. Now you can stop doing that, by the way. He will sleep for a few hours at least.»
I stop my fingers. However, it's not like I'm doing it for Ignis.
His hair is so soft. I'd like to touch it more.
After a few seconds of pondering, I return to touch the sleeping guard. He doesn't have a clue about how defenceless he can be. Nothing bad will happen if I play a little, right? Also, he was fine with me touching his hair while awake. Why should this be any different?
«Your highness, why are you so attached to this man?» Aida asks.
«He's my saviour, in some sense.»
«He saved you; now you don't need him that much anymore.»
«Oh, well... The King might inquire about the marriage, so I need a groom. Also, if we want to annul the marriage, it's better if Ignis is nearby.»
«He doesn't look like someone willing to annul anything. He's taking advantage of you, your highness.»
«Oh, Aida, don't be so extreme. Ignis isn't like that.»
«But, do you know him?»
«Of course, he's the one I saved from the river!»
«What I mean is... He's not that boy anymore. Ten years passed, and he must have changed.»
«Maybe. Yet, I feel the same as back then.»
«Like what?»
«Safe,» I sigh. «No matter what he does or how he talks, Ignis won't hurt me. I know it.»
«Don't lower your guard yet. He's still a man.»
«So what? I'm not an ordinary woman, Aida. Do you think he's able to hurt me?»
«Not if you don't let him.»
«See? No reason to worry.»
«I will always worry for you, your highness.»
«Thank you, Aida. It means a lot to me. However, Ignis is not an enemy. On the contrary: he's my most precious ally.»
«As you say, your highness,» Aida sighs.
It's just like before with Ignis.
She disagrees, but she doesn't want to argue any further. It's as if she sees something that is not too clear to me.