How can I say it? This story is written incredibly well; the description, the world building, the feeling the author can invoke on readers ... it's all amazing ... but falls flat when it came to the MC, Lee. 5 chapters in and he's pretty ... bland and conflicted? He hates that his sister is engaged, hating and nursing the fact that he's alone, but when his mom comes up with a matchmaker, he goes bonkers. Dude, you can't lie in misery and expect things to work, go out and look for someone if you're lonely or just shrug and be apathetic to the normies. Don't be so ... wish-washy with you emotions. I mean, if you look at it from one perspective, I guess it makes sense if you consider his age - I'm assuming he's a young ****, I don't think it was told just how old he is, like specifically - but at the same time, he seems to have matured very quickly so he shouldn't be like this ... ya'know.
And that comes to the other point on character designs: the other characters, including his mom, are only there to make his life insufferable. This really gets me cause - look, I'm not a parent, but I have several nephews, and more coming, and, just like how my parents worried (worry) over me, I worry over them. Their lives, their futures, even though the oldest is only 5. And here, I can tell the mom is worried. She's worried about what Lee will face if anything ever happens to her as he's way too dependent on her. But this is never shown from her perspective, it's always from Lee's, which is understandably more ... morose. I think adding little bits, like how Lees mom's eyes glaze with worry as she watches him run away to the fields - or something like that - will add more personality to what seems like one dimensional characters that are simply there just to antagonize how the MC feels.
I get that this seems like a rather tragic story, the hints and underline are there ... but you can't just make it seem soo miserable that readers get overwhelmed. My own story is based on tragedy, I've been told it's too dark, but even then, I try to make it lighthearted by showing interactions between the characters. They're some who have a tragic past, but they're cheerful and joke around; this lightens the mood and serves to highlight the good stuff happening while still underscoring that tragedy has and will follow. It's a very delicate balance, one that I can't say I've mastered.
But other than that, every thing else is incredible. Grammar is in impeccable, hardly any mistakes, and the description of the story is very vivid, if sometimes somewhat dry, and it's great to read, don't get me wrong. I just can't get behind the MC yet, but maybe time will tell and I'll change my mind.
