Emotional Outbreak

the next afternoon an official arrives at the camp. A weighty man with unmanaged facial hair berates Captain Dunder loudly. Dunder takes it, diligently providing the official with whatever information he requires for his rounds.

Yuto spends the evening sharpening his knife while attempting to make threatening eye contact with the official. "I'll give him one thing, he's bold. Stupid, but bold," Xiao thinks to herself.

The official storms off, on to chastise the Captain in the tent next doors. Dunder lights a cigarette with a match. He puffs out, feet tapping on the ground anxiously. The students pretend not to notice anything is amiss and continue shining their shoes.

"What was that about?"

Dunder looks down at Chance and rolls his eyes. He takes another huff of his cigarette "why'd I decide to join the military of all things," Dunder mutters these next words "I should have just joined a gang, that would've been better." Chance's face contorts, "What?"

"That was Major Heinze, he's a real ray of sunshine." He pauses, "It's just a little disagreement about how soon the students should be assigned missions. It's none of your concern." He says, unintentionally unnerving his students.

Despite all the awkwardness, another mundane day proceeds. The repetition eats away at Xiao. The days begin to pass her in a blur, and her focus switches from self-preservation to thoughts of stealing her Captain's cigarette pack. While the Captain instructs his other students, Xiao sneaks away to a forest about a mile away. This had become routine for her, and running the length and climbing the hills had become less strenuous. Without this cover, Xiao might have been accused of being a woman by now. "Who wouldn't suspect a man who never bathes?" She thinks, smiling to herself.

She used this place to train when she wasn't bathing. The life here reassured her.

the hills surrounding the camp made her uneasy, their silence was ominous to Xiao. There was no drunkard screaming, no noisy vendor roping in customers. Just her thoughts. After long days of training, she always questions herself; and even more in this silence away from distractions. She mulls on Gwendals words, "are ye sure that's what you're lookin' fur?" The words dig into her. Gwendal had implied she knew what Xiao needed. But what was that?

Suddenly, memories of Mother Guo intrude into her thoughts. Anger overwhelms her and she thrashes a strong force of mana out of her body, it forms into a sharp slice of wind and hits a tree. The next thing she knows, the 40-foot tree begins to produce sharp snapping sounds. "Oh shit." She runs away from the direction of the leaning tree. It falls to the ground in a deafening crash. She begins to panic and breaks down.

She wasn't gaining freedom, she had made herself a tool. Nothing had changed! And nothing ever would! Bitterness melds in her stomach.

And perhaps Bailekwam was never even bad, what if it was her own emotional complex? The need to escape? There was no going back and she felt trapped. She thought this was freedom, but no matter where she went in this type of world the same crushing feeling returned.

What did she even expect? What did she even deserve? Had she ever done anything of worth, she was just a thief, a pessimist, a hotheaded child.

Part of her was gracious for the need to stay away from the others. She was a risk, she was an open flame. If Gwendal could see her now!

A loud crack sounds behind her, she whips her head around. Christopher stands, sympathetic. She wipes the tear resting on her cheek. "What is it?!" she shouts. "There's a saying in my tribe; 'you kill the trees they might just kill you,'" Xiao stares blankly at him. "That's some real bullshit." He chuckles, "You've got that right," Christopher approaches and sits on the torn down tree. He looks at her expectantly, hoping for an explanation.

"Christopher I appreciate your offer but I don't know you," she says, turning away from him. "Yeah, that's the problem, you don't know any of us."

"What?"

"Whether you like it or not you're stuck with us, so you could at least try talking to us," His face contorts with anger, "And I see the way you look at Nel, those twisted thoughts of yours need to leave fast, or I'll personally take it upon myself to make sure you're the one who's expelled. The nobles don't notice, but I know perfectly well what you're thinking. your ignorance makes you see the worst in him." Xiao turns back quickly, rushing to grab him by the collar of his uniform. "What the hell do you know about ignorance!"

"I know everything about it," he chuckles sadly. Shame overwhelms her as she recognizes the pain in Christopher's face. Christopher extends his hand to her wordlessly. Accepting it, barely with any sound she mutters, "I'm sorry." The unfamiliar words feel strange in her mouth. Silently, they come to an understanding. "Also if you keep slacking on training like Chance, the Captain is going to find out."

"Alright, alright, are you going to nag all day!" She smiles to herself as they begin walking back together.