To Be or Not To Be

If a Marine tells you that you have a problem, then you better know that you either run or something really big is about to happen. By the looks on Harrison's face, it is not the sort of problem I am running away from this time.

We have just almost settled in what will be our new home for much of our foreseeable future, that is when we are not out somewhere on a mission. The excitement has now somewhat died after Harrison's announcement.

As I know Harrison well, he is not a man to beat around about it; he says it as he sees fit. I need not ask him once, and he will be honest.

"So what is the problem?"

"Well, your evaluation is in a few days; I will still let you know of the exact time. But there is a slight problem."

"What is the problem?"

"Are they not going to allow me to deploy?"

Isabella sees disappointment building in my eyes. She reaches over and locks her fingers around mine, and pull me closer. There is a visible tremble in my voice as I speak. Are my dreams about to be taken away? We have come this far; is it all going to crash down on me? This time I don't think I will make it out sane to the other side.

"Has the evaluation board changed their mind?"

"No, Clay, I have changed my mind."

"What...what do you mean you have changed your mind? Why will you let us come all this way for no reason? I don't understand, Harrison."

And as I say this, Isabella sees the pain start to creep over my face. She has no hesitation in speaking her mind. "Sorry for being a bit forward but is that just not plain insensitive. I mean, you give the man a dream, and then you rip it away."

Isabella slides her arm around my waist and pulls closer to me. I can hear her breaths are just as heavy as what I am breathing. The only thing is she is mad, while I am disappointed. I might be a big muscled man, but I sure feel like crying like a little boy right now. I feel the tears threaten to sting my eyes, and I lower my head down, facing the ground.

"Excuse me," Harrison apologizes. "I have never been good with words. What I am trying to say is yes, you are still being deployed, but..."

"Are you breaking us apart?" Isabella says as I watch the tears to start building in her eyes. "The deal was I come, and he stays. You can't go back on your promise now. You promised me that we would stay together."

"What is going on, Harrison?" I slightly start raising my voice out of frustration. "You have always been a straightforward guy, so please do not beat around the bush."

Harrison clears his throat and shows us both to take a seat. This man is uncomfortable; he is not a man that ever is; he has either messed something up or is about to change his plans. I have been with him for many years; whichever he has done or is about to do, he would not if he did not have a good reason.

"The thing is Clay," Harrison begins to explain. "You are not going to be part of the battle operations anymore."

"Then, what am I going to do then? I mean, this is why I am here, to be out there. I am not sitting behind a desk and push a pencil the whole day. I signed up to be a marine, not a damn filing clerk."

"Whoa, son, relax. You are going to be out there, and yes, Isabella, you are going together. The thing is....."

"Harrison what have you done?"

I look at Harrison, and I know what he is going to say; what he is going to say is something that Isabella is not going to like to hear. Now the thing is, am I going to say yes?

"I want you to be a squad leader."

"What!!!" Isabella screams out so loud; I swear I can hear the windows vibrate. "Did you just say, squad leader?"

"Yes, the board will clear you to go out into the field. They have tracked your performance and are impressed with what you have delivered."

To say that I am not shocked would be a blatant lie. I had a feeling, but now the feeling has been confirmed real. How is this even possible? One minute I thought, I am not going, but now I am going for really real.

"I think someone needs to slap me, for I am sure I am imagining things. Did you just say, squad leader? Like, go out into the field? Like on a mission? Like seriously go out for real."

"Yes, Clay," Harrison says as he laughs at the shock that is still on my face. "Like seriously go out for real."

"I don't know what to say, Harrison."

"Say, you will do it. You are the best that I have got. I need you out there, Clay."

"I...I need to discuss this with Isabella. Can I let you know by tomorrow?"

"Of course. Take your time. Now, if you two will excuse me, I still have a lot to arrange before we leave."

I get off my chair, leaving Isabella sitting behind, still in clear shock. Harrison makes his way to the door to leave, and I shortly follow behind. Before he goes through the door, he turns to me.

"Clayton."

"Yes, Harrison."

"I know you will make the right choice."

"I hope that I do, but I will speak to you tomorrow and tell you all about it."

As I stand in the doorway for a few minutes too long, all of a sudden, I feel two cold hands make their way underneath the back of my shirt around to my stomach.

"What are you, doing boo?"

"Just feeling my fingers through the crevices of your stomach."

"You say crevices? Is it those type of crevices that you would like to get lost in?"

"Mmm, maybe."

"Are you trying to seduce me, boo?"

"Oh, soldier, I don't need to seduce you. All I need to do is ask."

"Then what are you trying to ask me, boo?"

"Why don't we get out the doorway before we give our new neighbors something to talk about."

"Then I insist that we stay in the doorway."

She grabs me by the back of my pants and pulls me into the house. I know what she is doing; she is trying to take my mind away from what we need to discuss. But for now, I am not complaining as she pulls me towards the room.

"I see one of us has a lot of energy left from sleeping so much on the bus."

"You have never complained before. Are you complaining now, soldier?"

"Depends what you have in mind, boo?"

"Well, you will just have to wait and see."

She goes to sit on the edge of the bed. "Come here, soldier."

She slides her fingers between the fabric of my pants and the soft, delicate skin of my stomach. She crunches her fingers into the seems and starts pulling me closer.

"What are you doing, boo?" My voice is barely a whisper.

"Take your shirt off, soldier."

I grab the back off my shirt and pull it over my head, tossing it to the corner

"Can you remember the very first time I saw these," she runs her fingers over my rippled abs.

"I can recall clearly; I think I might have ran away from you that night."

"Are you going to run away from me tonight?"

Her voice is playful, but I know she is serious. What do I say to the love of my life? How do I convince her that I am going nowhere but stay by her side?

"You know that I will love you forever, boo?"

"To infinity and beyond?"

"Yes boo, to infinity and beyond."

In less than thirty seconds, she has undone my belt and dropped my pants down to the floor, "Can I take it off?"

"I think you just did."

"Hahaha, not your pants, silly."

"Oh, my leg."

"I promise I won't hurt you."

"Boo, I don't think you can hurt me even if you tried."

I slowly step out of my pants, kick it off to the side and take a seat next to her on thebed. She looks at me and smiles, "You sure?"

"Yes, boo, very sure."

She slowly stands off from the bed and kneels next to my leg on the floor. She has never done this before but has seen me do this every night for the past month. She gently lifts up and straightens my leg; her soft touch sends a shiver through my body. The idea of her touching me in such an intimate way slightly ignites my arousal. She stops and looks at me for a second from underneath her dark eyelashes.

"Am I doing okay?"

"Yes, you doing perfect, boo."

She then depresses the release button with her slightly trembling hands. Gently and slowly, she starts moving my prosthesis a little from the remaining part of my leg, and then she releases the button.

"Am I still okay?"

"You are doing it better than I do."

She chuckles at my silly remark and continues to take off my leg. She slowly pulls my prosthetic socket from my leg and lays it next to me on the bed.

"Did I hurt you?"

"It felt like an angel touched me."

She comes to stand between my legs, her eyes seeking the comfort of mine. I lock my arms around her neck and pull her face closer to mine. Then I softly whisper

"Kiss me, boo."

She presses her lips against mine and kisses me deeply. Her hand rests below my ear, and her thumb is caressing my cheek. She runs her fingers down my spine, pulling me closer until there is no space left between our bodies. The kiss goes on and on; it is a kiss between two lovers, full of fire and passion and only meant for each other."

"We slowly pull apart and look deep into each other's eyes."

"Soldier."

"Yes, my boo?"

"Are you going to be the squad leader?"