3 | Querencia

I don't remember much about how I entered the manor but I remembered holding the hand of someone else — its hands were fair skin so I thought it is a lady who brought me into the manor. I remembered that I was frozen to see the crest above the huge gates of the manor. It was terrifying and it also felt overwhelming to see such a crest, indeed they live up to their reputation that the family who is blessed by the Goddess of Wisdom and Justice is terrifying like the Goddess itself.

I entered the manor and was greeted by hundreds of servants. I remember a tall young and handsome man welcomed me to the mansion beside my mother. He was smiling from ear to ear — he was warm and sweet and reached out his hand to me. I reached out too and he held my hand. Then, all of the sudden, I called him my father and he nodded.

I couldn't remember the look on his face — it was black.

I was treated right for months because the duke favored me even though he has sons that he should be favoring. The servants in the Manor would whisper to each other thinking I might be the next head of the family instead of my half-brothers. My mother would also treat me warmly if the duke is around, but if the duke isn't around, she would try to hurt me giving me bruises and scars all over my body except the visible parts where the duke can possibly see.

My mother hates me ever since I was born. And I knew. Yet I still crave her love.

Months passed and the duke died of illness. The rain poured hard as we all dressed in black mourning the death of the beloved Duke. I was there watching his coffin slowly go down to the ground. I could hear my mother's fake cry from afar yet in the ears of the others, it was genuine. I silently watch while my half-brothers stand beside me as they silently watch the duke, their father on the coffin.

I can still vaguely remember the murmurs of the other guests who are not our relatives talking about how strong my half-brothers were for not crying. Meanwhile, I received nothing but backlashes. They say that I am not crying because I am finally thankful for the death of the duke. And it hurt me. It pains me to think that they think of me that way when I genuinely didn't do anything.

After the funeral, I quickly went to the backyard and I quietly sat down behind the tall grass in the yard. There, I hugged myself tightly with that, tears that I held earlier streamed down from my eyes as I silently cry. The duke is not my real father, I know it from the beginning even though I called him father. I know that, because of my and his appearance. We are different.

Yet I felt that little love he gave me before he died. Knowing that he genuinely treated me like his own daughter as I genuinely treated him like my own father, hearing the murmurs and whispers about me being glad that the duke is dead made me feel insulted and hurt inside. I need to contain my emotions, otherwise, mother will scold me again that's why I controlled my tears to not cry — yet I failed.

Because of that, I was left alone with my mother and my half-brothers. In the past, my three half-brothers would always bully me. In their eyes, I was physically and emotionally weak because of the treatment I got from the servants of this Manor. Secondly, it's because, in their eyes, my mother loves me more than they are not knowing what I had to go through for those "love" that they thought was right.

That is why Edward shouldn't be so surprised to see me being cold towards them. I don't see the purpose of them getting mad at me for nothing. Behind these gorgeous, elegant walls were the screams of pain that I have suffered for years — now I came back walking on these huge elegant hallways of the Manor while the maids won't dare to bring down their heads but dare to only glance at me like I was nothing in this family.

I was 7 years old when the duke died and now, I am currently in the age of 9 years old. I quickly went to my room as soon as I could before the night came. I grab a book from a shelf I built before and a book that I stole from the library of this Manor. I flipped through the pages of the Magic Book — a book where magicians learn how to use magic not only spells or mana but magic, the most advanced and powerful one.

In the past, I may have the intelligence but I was never the most powerful when it comes to physical. I don't know how to wield a sword, nor cast a spell or magic using a wand, an essential hand tool for a magician. Since I am Elyse and have the enormous mana that I've learned, I can easily put it into this body of "Aniya" although this will never be easy. Like Aniya, I was weak. I am sheltered in the cold tower when I was just a child and when I came of age, I changed rooms inside the Manor.

For others, they think of it as "Duchess Vierra now recognized her youngest daughter" but that isn't the whole truth. In the eyes outside, yes that is indeed the reason but, on the inside, Duchess Vierra wants to keep on tabs on me so she will know whether or not I will betray her.

But I am in the cold tower where Duchess Vierra's "owl eyes" won't catch me so I took an advantage of it and decided to learn magic in just weeks. Thankfully I got enough mana for the age of 9 years old. I can now control fire and ice. I also learned a bit of telekinesis and to my surprise it was easy. Maybe because as "Aniya" my mind is strong except my body who's weak. I won't use it always anyways; I always use mind reading because it is easier for me to do so than using telekinesis.

On the 10th day, I went outside. I sneaked out from the cold tower and went to the garden where servants, my half-brothers, and my mother doesn't like to go. They said that this garden is sacred because they believed that the Goddess of Wisdom's presence is here. But I don't believe in such a thing.

I handcrafted my own wooden sword using the knowledge I know and I successfully built one. When I arrived at the sacred garden, I looked around to see if there is any servant or anyone following me. I felt relief when I see no one following me and I started my first lesson using the shard of Tina I had.

Chrystiana De Zues, her nickname is "Tina". She's the Queen of The Palace or everyone is calling her The Gentle Empress. With her beautiful and gentle appearance and kind heart, she always gives to the poor she is praised enormously. She's even more praised because she's highly intelligent in swordsmanship as a woman. She led an army alongside me whenever there is a war. The King is always left in the Castle guarding the Palace.

I couldn't say we were close in the past but... I still feel guilty and regretful for betraying her.

That is why I will use her little shard inside my soul and learn the art of swordsmanship. For days I swung my sword endlessly until I corrected my own movements. On the 25th day, I finally have my first martial art swordsmanship movement. For the first time — I felt free. It felt like I was so caged in the past that I have forgotten that there is freedom outside. Whenever there is a war, I am always in a tent. I don't know how to wield a sword and I hated blood because it always reminds me of the abuse Duchess Vierra would always give me when I was a kid.

Every time I smell blood, my eyes would become emotionless yet I wanted to cry. But I need to hold it because I don't want them to know my own weakness.

After the 25th day, I didn't stop training myself. When the 35th day came, something urged me to cut in half the body of a scarecrow. Something burning up inside of me, a freedom that I wanted to be. I swiftly lift up the sword with my hand giving it a magical spell using ice and when I swung the sword, the scarecrow's body where cut into half neatly — leaving no traces of its own cut.

I felt frozen as I catch my breath, looking at the scarecrow's body cut in half neatly. My mind went black as the sun's rays made me feel hot. A sudden clap interfered with my blank mind, I quickly look up at it and saw a younger version of Thaddeus.

Wait, hold on a minute, what is he doing here?

"Wow. That's a quick process you got there, Princess." Thaddeus spoke. Even the way he talks is similar to the Chad that I know or Thaddeus that I know.

"Expected for a daughter of the Wisdom, the future Alpha of Wisdom." He continues to speak and it made me realize that something is wrong.

Wait... Is he saying that he was here the whole time without me noticing? I was looking around earlier as usual before I can start training. How did...?

I gasp.

My heart skipped a beat as I remembered the memories, we both shared in times when we were alone secretly. I remembered the day at the ball when he held my hand as we danced through the hallways of the Palace without anyone to see us. We were laughing, and smiling — it was pure happiness that we felt that night dancing under the bright moon.

We were married for political reasons. I hardened my heart for him so I couldn't get hurt but I couldn't help but fall in love with him. He's the love of my life and I couldn't lose him. We use to pretend that "we were pretending" in front of many but my love for him is always true. And I know his love for me is true.

But because of Duchess Vierra, I need to let him go. I remembered that one single rainy night — I begged him to run away far away from the Palace because I know that Mother will be looking for him and kill him.

"I am staying here, Aniya. What do you take me for? I am here to protect you!" He insisted but I insisted back for him to listen.

"Listen to me, Thaddeus! The Duchess isn't some kind of a normal person! She'll kill you — she'll kill us if you're going to insist on staying here!" I scream.

"No. I am never going to leave you, Aniya. I promised to never leave your side —" I cut his words with painful knives that I don't want to stab him. I have no other choice.

"Thaddeus. Stop this pretend thing. Let me remind you that we are married for political reasons, meaning that I have no other choice but to marry you. That is right, Thaddeus, I am not in love with you and I will never be in love with you." I'm sorry.

His face was appalled. He couldn't move an inch as his tears starts to stream down. He silently went down to his knees and shook off his head. He's shaken. And I hurt him. I'm sorry, Thaddeus. This is the only way I know for you to be saved. I know that Tina will kill me someday. She will kill everyone but not you, she will let you live. Because that's how Tina is.

"N-no... I'm not going to leave—"

"Leave this place immediately or I will be the one to kill you, Thaddeus. Let me remind you too that you are only but a chess piece for me and to my mother." I spoke. My mind is blank and my eyes' shaking from all the lies I told him.

The perfect marriage that I dreamed of is now all nothing but wrecked. Thaddeus, in the end, leave the Palace and I knelt down. I silently screamed and cried for hours. I lose another loved one again.

"Hey... Are you okay?" Chad broke off my train of thought as I went back to the present. That night was a disaster and I was guilty of making him hurt.

My tears start to stream down my face. For the first time after I went back to the past, I shed tears that I held back when I was still Aniya.

"Thaddeus!" I called his name softly and went into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry, please forgive me. I was childish and weak. I wasn't able to protect you. But I promise you, Chad. I will protect you." I said while I sob and hugged him.

"H-hey what are you talking about? I didn't die, Aniya so calm down." He said patting my back gently and it made me feel weak.

The same gentle touch, the same gentle spoken words, and the same innocent eyes looking at me with such warmth and love. This time, I won't lose you again. I promise you.