Live once, love twice

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song of the chapter

Tattoos Together--Lauv

A FEW DAYS LATER.

A tattoo is calling my name. My phone buzzed in my pocket and it revealed a text. It was her idea so I hit up a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy to hook me up with a guy who made sweet tattoos. I hadn't decided what I wanted for a tattoo, it should be a symbol for both of us.

Ace Of Arts Tattoo & Art Studio

6237 Edgewater Drive

That was the address. Maybe later we will visit the shop

**

The aroma of rice cooked with lemon and carrots wafted in the air insulting my nose, like a moth drawn to a flame I gravitated to the kitchen. She'd already transferred the food into a hot dish beside stew, my mouth watering at the delicacy. My stomach grumbling with urgency

"Can I have some?" I asked already three spoons in. Damn I was starving, both ways.

I scooped some more and not once did she look at me. I felt the atmosphere tense around us and her eyes were now dark brown, she was fuming, eyes wet with tears hanging dangerously threatening to come out, she wasn't blinking and I halted in my tracks.

Uh oh.

This was not good. If looks could kill then I'd be dead the instant we made eye contact. Her eyes were sharp but other than her eyes, her face was okay. Not crying, just maybe...

Mad?

Was she mad at me for serving myself? I knew she'd never care, food was the least of her concerns at the moment. Her beautiful face had no scorn so no worries, that's a start, but I knew there was something, just a matter of time before she spits it out.

Patience.

She placed our plates on the counter and sat opposite me as usual. But today this was more than just lunch. I sniffed the strong aroma of the stew and choked softly on it, damn when was food so tempting? My lucky day I guess. She scooped some stew for herself and slowly poured into her plate, carefully not spilling outside her range, damn, even the way she holds the serving spoon was sexy, I smiled.

No words were exchanged afterwards.

Suddenly her face looked at me with a yearning, her eyes still dark brown and staring deep into mine, she scooted closer and reached for my hand on the counter, I dropped my spoon and swallowed hard and urgently, downing my juice in two quick gulps and reached for hers over the counter. Her lips curved and spat out, finally the words caught up with me.

"Babe, I'm not feeling okay, five words you wouldn't understand."

Trouble is here. I was in no mood for a shouting match with her.

"I don't know why you talk to me about yourself, how your day has been, what happened to you? I feel like you shut me out most often. We just get intimate and I'm not saying I don't like it, I love every minute of it, but we don't talk about you, it's always 'baby are you okay, how are feeling' she mocked my voice and I nearly laughed, I really have a problem of laughing at serious things. Sue me. Not my fault she sounded funny in her small voice anyway.

I inaudibly coughed and she shot me those eyes again, I cooled down and she went on accusing me of being silent, and that I don't talk about myself, what does she want me to going down memory lane with her, is not not that I wouldn't want it but that phase of my life is past tense. It's better she doesn't know so much about my past, it would scare her to the bones, I was someone different doing different things with different people now. I decided to tell myself that I had closed that book and wouldn't open it again. My life was pure evil.

I'm not saying if she met me then I would have acted better anyway, she should be thankful she never knew me then. I would have made her just another episode in my life and press next.

Truth is I hurt people, is what I do then I hurt myself before anyone can get to me. I had taught myself to on rely on me before and pull myself out of darkness because I didn't have anyone to help me and then she came and changed everything. I feel bad not telling her some things affecting me. But I don't want to burden her.

Is it normal to keep things to yourself or am I just weird? But my intention with her is pure and true, I just need her not to worry about my but of course she loves me and too stubborn to leave me.

Hope she sees that I want her to be happy. She is the reciprocal to my heart.

"Huh?" I was out of my self loathing moment when she gently tapped my shoulder, apparently I hadn't heard a word she said. Damn

"Let's walk outside later, to clear our heads" she lead me to the balcony literally dragging me, I shuffled my feet reluctantly behind her. I knew what she was going to say, so I was planning lie after lie that I could spill and let me be. I'm not always comfortable talking about my past. We sat on the floor and stared down at the street from our fourth floor apartment. It felt good looking down at these people and they had no idea you were looking at them, it gives some kind of power over them. Anyway I was stuck with my girl who wanted to dig into my past.

"What do you want to know specifically?" I shot a question and stared. Her eyes were soft, her body scent intoxicated me and I felt a buzz in my head, I pulled her closer bumping onto my chest, eyes locked, I was so uncontrollable at the moment, I need to stop.

Clearing my throat and removed my hands from holding ber because she looked deathly serious, I stepped back and leaned against the wall.

"Babe, its not funny, stop taking it so lightly" That one hit different.

"I'm sorry okay but I don't want to keep apologizing because I will always do it again and again." That's the saddest thing about apologizing, it's like removing bricks from your house one after the other until you are all weak and beaten. I want to be honest with her that I will only tell her what she wants to hear, not all details are important here.

Maybe I'm a little closed off. But it's for the best.

**

"Tattoo for you" I scooped my phone from the table and showed her a few tribal designs. She smiled weakly and pointed at one, rather small but elegant. It was a ring tattoo. I raised my eyebrow questioningly ans she just tapped several times on it indicating she had already found what she was looking for.

"I'm still mad at you but I can't seem to be away from you." A pang tagged at my heart and it ached for her. I love this young woman.

We were getting our tattoos done, they will act as the symbol of our love. Significance of us being together.

"Feels good doesn't it?" Her eyes still not meeting mine.

Her soft slender fingers brushed over the freshly made tattoo on my lower arm and she kissed it and I almost winced, it wasn't fully done, her finger lingered tracing it. I felt the urge to touch her but I was afraid she'd removed her hand.

Minutes later she was handing me a cup, I dipped the water, she hadn't said a word. I was beginning to feel like it was a bad idea laughing at her at home. We will mend this once this shit is over with. She had pain in her eyes.

Now I have to behave carefully not to step onto any mines. She shot daggers at me as the needle got a little into my skin, she was playing tricks on me, she once smiled weakly and stared down again. The artists around didn't dare cross her. Thus day is j6st another symbol of failure in the making.

Disaster.

She jumped onto the driver's seat and revved the engine. Not looking at me. My eyes still searched for hers.

**

HELLO FOLKS, sorry for the delay for the update but here it is, hope you like it. Sorry for the cliffhanger too...